Also, right now I am very inspired- which always happens after a fall, right?

I know for a fact that inspiration doesn't last- we can't live off inspiration.
Inspiration is just Hashem lifting up to the level of what we could be like- but we are not there yet:

That is the message of Sefira. Hashem puts your you back to your level so that you can work for the level which he showed you. We wouldn't have been able to start working if Hashem didn't show the Jewish people the potential at which they could reach.
The Inspiration is like hashem taking you on a helicopter to the top of a maintain to see the beautiful view. Then he drops you back to the bottom so you could climb up and earn it.
Hashem showed the Jewish people all the miracles and wonders like splitting the sea. Then the Jews were put back to their level so that they could climb up and earn the vision which was revealed to them.

I know for a fact that this inspiration is gonna fade away sooner or later- i will be put in the desert where i will face tests, obstacles challenges. How I react is my choice.

Anyone understand this?

I wish everyone a Good Shabbos!

One more thing:
Can someone explain what it means to take it one day at a time?
It feels like 'holding on till the next day' which doesn't sound right

One day at at time means that the past is in the past and cannot be changed. The future is not here so why worry about it. The only important time in your struggle is right now.
You can almost say that even one day at a time is too much. Really is should be one decision at a time.

If we look at our history with this struggle it is bleak. We have seen so many times that we have failed, and we convince ourselves that we cannot succeed into the future.

Similarly, if we look at the future, we say how can I possibly stay clean for the next X days, months, years. There is no possible way that we can do that. (BTW, just writing that sentence makes me nervous and want to act out.)

But one thing we can control is this moment. We can control this one decision. After all, I just have to make the right choice right now. That is much easier. That is a realizable goal.

I thought I had a better quote from dov on this, but this is all I could find for now: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/124072-Dov-Quotes?limit=115&start=30#127259

You might want to read some more of his stuff. It can be really eye opening (in a good way )

Hey guys,
Recently I have been exhausted due to going to bed really late (not because of porn or masturbation) due to my exams which I have a lot of now. When I was revising I wanted to try and escape from the pressure , so i reverted to having just one look at this sports page which had a link of something provocative. Then I thought why don't i just look at this..... low and behold it went further and further and more out of control. Basically, i took the first sip- I thought that reverting to this type escape route would be beneficial, however, I still have not learnt my message that lust is not beneficial or good for me. How am I going to realise this- I have not engrained it in my mind enough. I have not realised that I can't even take one look. My mind is messed up I am ill. Sick. I am soo powerless over just one good looking girl or one look at anything. Yet my mind tells me STILL that I could take one look. Why is it like this? Why can't I just realise that I can't do it? Maybe I find it too hard? I have no idea. I feel like I just can't. I always get inspired, the inspiration always goes away. This feels impossible, its a cycle. Falls- inspiration .. lasts a few days or moments- Fall. Round and round again.

I hear you. When I first came to GYE and posted my story, I was welcomed my so many people with lots of advice. So I was given the tools, but wasn't trained yet how to use them. So I would have a few days clean, followed by a fall. Then another few days clean, then another fall. . . I too felt the helplessness of the situation. Would the circle of doom ever end? Then I realized, and I know people have mentioned this already, but it bears repeating. The goal right now, and always, should be to take it one nisayon at a time (sorry I can't give credit to the guy who said that, but I couldn't find his post). I know it seems impossible now, and that you've tried so hard to break free, and that it's just so hard! We're all in this together. You're fight, is our fight, and it may help to think, that when you win a battle with the yetzer hara, we win a battle as well. Even more so, you're winning gives us the z'cus to win our nisyonos as well. Again, it may seem impossible, but I have faith in you. You can do it! We're all rooting for you!

p.s. I too have that issue of "just one look". This takes time to work on, because it's so easy to take that look. For me it also extends to mb. My sick mind tells me that I can stop before I lose zera, so therefore it's ok. This is so wrong! Besides for the fact that once I start, I usually lose my zera, but that each moment strengthens the yezter hara. Again, this won't be healed overnight. It takes time and perseverance. Don't think of the long term here. Focus on the nisayon of right now.

Shomer Bro,

I absolutely love that idea that we're in this together, and that we are doing it for each other. That's such a brilliantly simple, but immensely profound, thought, and it really changes the landscape of this battle for me. I'm really going to meditate on that idea.

Milletry613,

Welcome, and let me echo what everyone else is saying: WOW, you are one impressive, smart teenager. I have the utmost confidence that you're going to conquer (I am sure some have problems with that word, so I'll use it loosely) your issues and emerge a real tzadik (and gaon).

As for the procrastination issue, it's been the real bane of my recovery too. I have also stayed up ridiculously late and lost precious hours of sleep because of this addiction. I sacrificed optimal performance at work and school, and probably some very lucrative opportunities, all in the name of putting things off and acting on lust. It's all connected, all rooted in the same problem.

I read an article recently about a scientific study that linked procrastination to a dopamine fix in the brain similar to the one we addicts get when we act out. It's an overindulgence of "reward juice" (i.e., the chemicals that flood our brain when we get something we want), and is related to being addicted to that rush we get when we realize a stressor has been removed from our life. Think: the feeling you get every time you find out an exam has been canceled, or a snow day issued. It's a specific behavior induced manifestation of the same chemical haunting all of us: dopamine. In other words, if this study is accurate, we get an addict's rush every time we procrastinate. For me, procrastination involves fooling myself (self trickery) that, for whatever reason, I have ample amounts of time and can wait a few days. So yeah, those scientists might be on to something, and procrastination and addiction might go hand in hand.

Read about the dopamine blinders and the resultant narrowing of perspective addicts undergo (I'll look for the articles here for you). Basically, the whole "just one click/ one look thing" is related to the dopamine fix I'm talking about.

I'm a geek and like reading about the science of addiction. It's very affirming to me to realize that not only are we not alone in this, but also, our behavior is in no way a mystery. It's a diagnosable, common condition that we could address with a variety of techniques, scientifically proven techniques. So your outlook should be filled with only hope. Keep us posted, please. Keep writing to us, and never, ever, ever be embarrassed to tell us about a fall. Report every fall ( that's what I do).

B'hatzlacha!

MBJ wrote:


Thank you MBJ for a clear and succinct explanation of the "one day at a time" concept.
I would just like to make one correction:
True, "the past is in the past", but it CAN be changed! It is changed by focusing on THE PRESENT!
When one constantly keeps his "eyes on the road" and keeps his Present driving in the correct lane, this changes his past too.
As chazal have taught us, "tikun hamaasim" means that change of action in the present has the power of RETROACTIVELY changing the past misdeeds!
True, the past should NOT be the focus on which the plan of action is set upon, but the past CAN be changed

Posted this elsewhere on forum, repeating it here so its on my thread:

As soon as Adam starting having a conversation with the nachash he was doomed for failure.

haramaz96:

the satan popped in and said to adam, "why listen to Him? why should u have any limitations? u have everything but this! and besides, the fruit from this tree besides for tasting amazing, is the remedy for anything and everything. itll giv u strength freedom fame u name it!... just eat it!"

milletry613 wrote:

How many times do we have the yetzer hora telling us to just look at one thing? How many times does the yetzer hora say that to look at this website or this advert? It isn't so bad? We always get told: Don't worry just look at the things you want to see on the website?


We can't get into a conversation with the yetzer hora. We need to learn to say no! and move on. Once we get into the conversation it makes it more difficult to get out. However if we just say No! Then go away from whatver we are doing, get some fresh air, call someone or takes some deep breaths and ask your self is going into a conversation benefiting for me? Is it really going to help me with my day today? I guarantee it most probably is NO!

Rather the conversation from the yetzer is trying to make you escape from the world. Trying to offer you short term pleasure which really is just fake- when you start the conversation it makes you feel that nothing else is important in your life.

This is a trick from the yetzer hora- rather you come out feeling worse. Just like what happened to Adam by the nachash. Also, when it feels like there is no reason to say no and everything is not going your way. Before quitting make sure you remind yourself why you started in the first place. This moment is when the growth happens. The leap over the obstacle which you need to take could only be made with Hashems help. So pray! ask for His hand and He will guide you.

This shiur reinforces my point. www.torahanytime.com/video/purim-put-out-your-hand-and-hashem-will-fill-it/

When the Jews were invited to the Feast of Achashveros they weren't told at the beginning that it would be full of pritzus and that it would end with Vashti dancing on the table naked. They were first told that it has kosher food, there was no reason not to go. Same with the yetzer hora, there is first no reason not to go, its an illusion and a trick to entice you. Mordechai stood at the front and told the Jews. Stop! its a trick, but they didn't listen. Once we realise its a trick we are one step ahead of the game.

Hey i'm thinking about telling my Rabbi from school about my problem but i'm not sure how to tell him. So many people on GYE have said about the importance of opening up to someone real and getting out of this "fake" world. However, has anyone got any advice on how to tell him? He is a Rabbi from my school who I think is quite understanding, but i'm worried he might be quite shocked or maybe even surprised. Perhaps I should give him a letter first or something. Has anyone been in my situation? I would be grateful for some advice on how to do this. I just think that this is the next major step.

Btw just to let you know I have improved the k9 filter on my laptop to "High Security" so I cant really go on anything apart from this WOO! I know this is not the solution though. I know that if I want to find lust I will, I have to let go of lust- this filter is just for extra security.

Thanks for the support

beautiful!
Keep on the positive direction.
If, after careful deliberation, he is the right, safe person to talk to, you can just tell him...there is no right way or wrong way...say it's uncomfortable, but the drive to recover is intense.

b'hatzlachah

Your idea of a note might be a good one. That way, you can say what you want and give it to him. You should say in the note that you'd like to speak to him in person. The note will just break the ice.

If your rebbi is "shocked" or "surprised" he may not be the right one to talk to. This problem is so common, I doubt he'll be suprised at all.

gibbor120
I don't think thats necessarily true. I gave my Rabbi a letter and then shmuzed with him and he was shocked. He knows about the general problem, he doesn't know much about the addiction problem (more of shmiras eiynaim part but he certainly knows of this problem. So your Rabi may be surprised because you have the problem even if he is aware of how widespread it is

What was your rebbi's advice?

THANK YOU HASHEM !!!

45 Days Clean