Shalom,

I have been around on this website for a view days and decided to introduce myself here properly and also tell why I am here.

Like many of you, if not all, I suffer from a sexual addiction. Ever since we first got internet just before the turn of the millennium, I learned of porn sites and have been viewing them at times. While at first it even wasn't that serious and I could go on for months without it, later on it became an issue more and I really found out that it was an addiction. I had become the slave of sexual thoughts, leading to fantasies and masturbation, either with or without unclean images and videos (if I was at work and felt the urge to masturbate and couldn't resist it, I'd do it on the toilet there just as well and made sure it would not be found out).
This went on for years until recently it all came out. Needless to say my spouse was shocked and very disappointed. She felt betrayed and it caused much hurt. But despite all the pain she did immediately say that she want us to get through this and to fight. She said 'I have made my wedding vows so leaving you would never be an option'. I am proud of how she is doing and it confirms my knowledge of being each other's bashert.
I never want to disappoint her again and that is why I am happy to have found this place. This website offers a helping hand for those that need it desparately, by the Chizuk mails, the 90 day charts, filters, this forum and all the other options.
Thanks!

You are indeed a lucky man!

Do what needs to be done!

Don't disappoint her, but mostly, do not disappoint yourself!

b'hatzlachah and welcome aboard!

In regards to sexual thoughts….one of my doctors told me to write down every time I had a sexual thought. What it was and how long I thought about it and what was the outcome. He did this so I could see just how much I think about sex. Which was a lot. Since then doing that exercise I don't think about sex that often.

WELCOME DT! There are indeed a lot of resources here. Try some out, keep posting and reading and see what works for you. This is a warm and supportive community where you can share your feelings, trials, and triumphs. I also had the misfortune of getting caught by my wife. Things have never been the same.... for the better .

Don't be a stranger.

Thanks for your comments and also thanks StartingOver for the advice!

We are all here for you.

Just don't forget about Hashem!!

The lower you are, the more you need Hashem to help you.

The more that you cry out to Him, the more He will.

On GYE, this is everyone's personal experience.

Don't think that you can "fight" this!!

Thinking of you

Imperfection

Shalom DT!

I just wantd to encourage you with the words of Rabbi Nachman:

Rabbi Nachman Teaches,

All the pleasures of this world are like sunbeams in a dark room. They may seem solid, but when a person tries to grasp hold of a sunbeam, he finds nothing in his hand. The same is true of all worldly desires.

Sichot Haran #6

Stay strong. You can do it!

it's a nice mashal, but for those of us whose lives are controlled by lust, it sadly, doesn't accomplish much....when we are enjoying our lust, there is much more than an empty sunbeam in our hands...whether it is an hour, several hours, a build up of several weeks (my personal favorite), there is a lot of enjoyment and pleasure.

yes, after everything is said and done and we are satisfied, do some feel guilty, empty, depressed? yes....but that just causes the cycle to start anew.

thanks

b'hatzlachah

Thanks Mordechai and Cordnoy for your replies and support! Yesterday I achieved a new level on the 90dc so I'm happy GYE has so many ways to encourage and support people. Blessed be its founders!

cordnoy wrote:


Reminds me of Duvid Chaim's moshol: A little baby that has a dirty diaper. It feels so good sitting in his warm poop. He doesn't want his mom to change him...

Yes, "when we are enjoying our lust, there is much more than an empty sunbeam in our hands...whether it is an hour, several hours, a build up of several weeks (my personal favorite), there is a lot of enjoyment and pleasure"

Smelly warm poop. Ahh! What pleasure. Hope it never ends.

Wake up and smell the stench!

(Talking to myself out loud.)

MT

Thank you
your mussar/words are well-written.

It is impossible here to write something that everyone will accept.
in the past several posts, there have been three ideas.

1. realize that the enjoyment of lusting is empty.
2. realize that there is a greater enjoyment by not lusting.
3. realize that the enjoyment you think you have by lusting is really wallowing in a pile of poop!

ultimately, let us pray to God that one of those ways will be effective in preventing us from lusting.

b'hatzlachah

One of the things that works for me is realizing that by lusting I want to receive "pleasure" for myself alone. So that makes me an egoist.

HaShem loves us altruistically. So, If HaShem is an altruist and I am an egoist, I am the very opposite of HaShem, while HaShem wants me to be like Him!

The last thing I want to be is the opposite of HaShem.

May HaShem save us from this egoistic desire!

heh, I was quite amused by the poopy diaper metaphor. But it is true. The moments of lust are pleasurable at that moment but are stinking disgusting right afterwards.

Also what Mordechai says is very true. HaShem is altruistic and if we want to be just like him, we have to be as well. But man, is that hard sometimes. I try to, but then in the end I turn out to be egoistic anyway. We really need the help of Adonai with that.

Watching porn or other lust-based sins are also so empty. There is nothing you gain by it - in the end you have only been wasting your time. So many times when in an evening of watching that rubbish I afterwards thought: 'well that was another evening in which I could have done so many other USEFUL things'... :-/

And the hottest sex video doesn't compare with the great joy of sharing the bed with your wife, which will create unity while porn creates distance and isolation. For me these are very important thoughts as well to help me to not give in to the Yetzer Ha'ra. I am now 16 days clean, may haShem add many more days to them (and may he, most of all, do the same to all of you).

wow DT
you really are in the game and your ideas are very strong keep us all posted each new post helps all of us

Yay! Just reached level 5 today!
I almost didn't though, yesterday the Yetser Hara was really bugging me but b'ezrat Hashem I was strong to say no to masturbation (it wasn't even about watching porn). In my mind I was thinking of excuses like 'what if I have no fantasies or I think about my wife whilst doing it'. But I know that that wouldn't work. Because in short time I'd do it more and more and lowering the threshold until I'd be back at square one. Plus, I'd loose all my progress. And also would it be only for MY pleasure instead of me satisfying my wife's feeling. I am glad that I made it through and feel so great! Baruch Hashem!