I don't know exactly where to begin.
When I was in 4th or 5th grade, a non jewish older teenage neighbor introduced me to pornography. Boruch Hashem my mother and sister advised me to stay away from him, and I did so. But the seed of inappropriate materials was planted in my psyche. In my older teenage years I began viewing the pornography again and I am in my early forties and I still have the problem, but I am a private person and I hide it very well. I have a great frum therapist who I see and he recommended to me that I join the GYE group and here I am! I look forward to your group support so that we can all together be M'Kadeish ourselves.

שלום עליכם
the hand book may be a good start
the people here are very helpful
have a nice day
wish you all the best

Welcome JM,

Your story is basically our story. We are all here for the same reason. Some details may be different, but it's the same inyan that we're dealing with. Make yourself comfortable here and make the most of what's available here. It won't cost you a penny and you'll get tons of chizuk and ideas. Try whatever ideas work best for you. Reach out with questions and calls for help, and the chevra will surely try to help.

Hatzlacha

MT

WELCOME JM! Nice to have you with us. Keep reading and posting. We are all in the same boat.

Welcome Jakemike to GYE!!

You've made a great move coming here!! You're with friends that understand you, that are going through the same thing as you (under the surface, that is)!!!

Hiding.....you do that too?! I though I was the only one!!!!

Well you did tell a therapist, that's amazing!! Getting out, realizing that we have a problem and acting upon that realization, is the key, Bravo!!!

What else has the therapist suggested (if I may ask)?

Start your engines, and start TRUCKING!!!!! and Keep on Posting!!!

Thank you are for your warm welcomes!
I have made pornography an escape from my stresses and life's problems. I don't sit for hours and view the inappropriate material. I have a site I go to; I go where I want and can get my eye candy/enjoyment in about a half an hour and that suffices for a week or two on average until the urge, trigger, stress or escape knocks on my door again. It is almost a routine, though I know its wrong and I must overcome this nisayon and go on. The problem is that I have been doing his for quite some time, and I really wanted to conquer this myself, but I see that the chet is nassa la k'heter and additionally, chazal say when you habituate yourself in a bad behavior you create a teva sheni, so I cant do it alone, and that's why I am here. In the handbook they say we want to hit bottom while still on top. If you have been able to keep your secret quiet and no one is aware of your misdeeds, what outlook has motivated you all to change, especially if you enjoy the chet? I am not advocating doing the averos, but what deep down has pushed you back on the right path. When you are clean and the yetzer hara isn't pushing you I can also quote the chazals why we should avoid it, but when in the throes of the sitra achara, what do you do???

jakemike wrote:


That's an awesome question!!!

I don't know if it was directed at me, but the answer for me is this. I did happen to open up to one friend a few years prior to GYE. I used to call him after falls and complain about my rotten life etc. I was always hoping in the back of my mind that marriage would take care of it all.....it didn't. So there I was agian calling him and complaining about life, and for some reason I got onto the forum.

I was sick and tired of the complaining and I saw that it was no use, yet I wanted to stop. Of course I would have told you then that I wanted to stop because it is assur. I don't think that is the entire truth (somewhat true, but not entirely). what was really happening was that I was being shown that I was completely in control of this little lust monster, and I couldn't stand that!! It was here on GYE that I learned that. They showed me that my problem wasn't only lust, rather I was enveloped in lust all day!!

That was enough to get me to do whatever it would take, and it seems to me (I have made worse mistakes) that you are quite ready to figure this out, So Welcome to the journey!!! It's funfilled and exciting!!!

jakemike wrote:


That's an awesome question!!!

I don't know if it was directed at me, but the answer for me is this. I did happen to open up to one friend a few years prior to GYE. I used to call him after falls and complain about my rotten life etc. I was always hoping in the back of my mind that marriage would take care of it all.....it didn't. So there I was agian calling him and complaining about life, and for some reason I got onto the forum.

I was sick and tired of the complaining and I saw that it was no use, yet I wanted to stop. Of course I would have told you then that I wanted to stop because it is assur. I don't think that is the entire truth (somewhat true, but not entirely). what was really happening was that I was being shown that I was completely in control of this little lust monster, and I couldn't stand that!! It was here on GYE that I learned that. They showed me that my problem wasn't only porn, rather I was enveloped in lust all day!!

That was enough to get me to do whatever it would take, and it seems to me (I have made worse mistakes) that you are quite ready to figure this out, So Welcome to the journey!!! It's funfilled and exciting!!!

jakemike wrote:


I think this question is answered by the Mesilas Yeshorim (Perek 13).

וכן על ענין הזנות אמרו כל הרואה סוטה בקלקולה יזיר עצמו מן היין, ותראה כי זאת היא תחבולה גדולה לאדם למען הנצל מיצרו, כי כיון שבהיותו בעסק העבירה קשה עליו לנצחו ולכבוש אותו, ע"כ צריך שבעודנו רחוק ממנה ישאיר עצמו רחוק, כי אז יהיה קשה ליצר לקרבו אליה.

So that means that, ein hachi nami, once in the throes of the YH (or the "SA" as you call it) it's hard to overcome. So the trick is to make gedarim and stay far away from any triggers. It may sound too hard to live like that all your life, but that's why we keep repeating that we just need to do it "today". As R' Nachman explains the possuk: היום אם בקולו תשמעו

Hatzlacha

MT