Tayere brothers, i have decided to share my story on this forum for many reasons, one of the main reasons being that i have read many of the forums and stories on this amazing website, and every time i read about a struggle that one is going through and is similar to mine it really helps me out to deal with my own struggles.

When i was about 15 yrs old i was on our family computer which unfortunately had no filter (bh today there is one) and was on a jewish website that had a link.. A cple days later went back to check out the link and from there things just went down hill.. At that point i was learning in a yeshivah out of town so when i was in yeshivah i didnt have access to the internet. It was only during bein hazmanim when the problems would start again.

When i was about 17 i moved to a different yeshivah.. There i was allowed to have a cell phone which started a whole new problem. One day while i was feeling a bit down i found this newspaper in the garbage in my dorm and found some numbers that i was able to call and satisfy my taivos..

This was really bad bec until it was only during bein hazmanim (which i dreaded going home for) but now it was with me in yeshivah.. For years till today (im 21) phone sex is the biggest struggle.. Calling chat lines and just chatting with women etc.. (This is just a bit of my story but dont want to bore you to much..)

I finally got the courage about a a month ago to tell my story and the struggles i am phasing to someone who im close with.. And bh since then it has become a whole new world. He encouraged me to go on this website to read the forums stories etc. i have signed up for the 90 days.. And bh im clean for 2 weeks. (I have an issue though at nights.. It was a pleasure reading on a forum someone having the same issue..) its been a hard 2 weeks with many challenges but bh we take each day as it comes.. watching porn is not as hard for me to stop by putting up fences filters etc but calling chat lines etc is what im really nervous about being that its so hard to block..

I feel like a whole new person but still not satisfied where i am and hope to improve even more.. Especially with the help and chizzuk from everyone on this forum!

Welcome 98!!! (we're all anonymous, so it would be superfluous to type anonymous again, since we are all anonymous anways)

You're amongst friends, friends that undertand you, that are going through the same as you!!! (it's all the same, lust)

What have you been doing to keep clean?

(yes, dreams are a challenge, but there is no need to give them a second glance, just tell them good night, and KOT!)

KOT!! KOMT!! Keep on posting!!!!

WELCOME Anonymous92! You have certainly come to the right place. Mazal Tov on starting your journey towards sobriety! We are all in this together. You are among friends who understand you.

Have you read the handbook? I have some good links in my signature.

Keep posting, keep sharing!

Thank you pidaini for responding i really appreciate it and it means so much!
Thank you for your encouraging words.

In response to your question what i have been doing to keep clean;

1) daily chizuk emails, reading forums..
2) trying to figure out what are the causes of the urge and how to prevent these causes.
3) working hard on shmitas einayim.. Being careful where i walk and where my eyes wonder off.
4) have a smart phone but blocked all internet app store you tube.. A friend of mine who is hundreds of miles away has the code.. There were many times i wanted to get the code from him to update certain apps but didnt knowing where that may lead.. As well recently i had to delete a couple apps being that i discovered how to use the internet through them..
5) being that i have this problem with chat lines.. I got a plan that only has 60 minutes a month and if i use a chat line i will have to pay for it.
6) at night write down how the day was regarding shmira einayim.. (Not 100 percent consistent with this)
7) did something similar to taphsic. (Not sure if im ready to make the shvuah)
8) signed up to get a partner still waiting..
9) in touch with my rab/mashpia who put me in touch with a therapist to figure if i should go for the12 steps.. (Its taking a lot longer than i would have liked.. Takes time to get through the rav and therapists..)

Im still not happy with where im holding still not confident enough and hope to keep on hearing words of encouragement etc in this forum!

(Wld be happy to answer any other questions..)

hi gibbor120! Thanx for responding! It realy means alot.. I have read parts of the handbook but not the whole thing.. I have downloaded the entire thing as well as some of the other pamphlets that i found in your signature and will iyh read them.. Thanx again!

How are things going?