I am [again] attempting to return from the schmutz! In about June of 2012 I was on the 90-day wall with a few weeks of abstinence from online images and associated thoughts and actions. I was logging on as grace4me and received many encouraging words from others on the forum. I thank you all again. But anyway, I returned to the schmutz! Busy, stressed, excuse-making, many family stressors and work stressors. THAT IS NO EXCUSE! I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF ME. So I am back. I now log on as "nowornever" since I lost track of my previous login info. I was just on the 90 day wall at 19 days then fell again and stayed in schmutz for five days or so. Now starting over at day 1 and accepting grace from Hashem. As you can likely tell I am goy but I have been gaining so much admiration for Yidden and incredible Jewish history, teaching, and unbelievable wisdom. Thank you all for being here.

signed,

nowornever

Welcome back!!

Welcome! Do you have a game plan? Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Welcome back NON!!!

Looking forward to getting to know you!!

As gibbor asked, what's the plan?

Thank you all for welcoming me. Now for the question "What is your plan?"

I need to start every day with my own "quiet time" for prayer, reflection, and THOUGHTS OF GRATITUDE!

Review chizuk emails and forum postings for inspiration.

Read something from 12-step materials and other GYE tools.

Write something in my journal. I really have difficulty maintaining this one with consistency. But when I do it I find it really helps. Just a few sentences including words of gratitude for blessings and ending with the written words of prayer "G-d help me to know your will and to do your will TODAY!" Recovery is one day at a time. I know this from nearly four years involvement with 12-steps for overeating. 100 lbs. are gone but the schmutz still plagues me. Thank you all for being here on the forum.

NON

From your years in OA, you must also know that interacting with others is a BIG help. Thinking, prayer, journaling are all good, but I know for myself, getting out of my own head and interacting with others does the most good.

Ditto to what gibbor wrote!

I had an awesome insight this week. I never understood why they say that one should have a different fellowship for each addiction, if the 12 steps take care of life, then shouldn't it help all around?

This week, when I thought about my "addiction" to not saying krias shma sheal hamitah, I realized that every thing that I have dificulty with, I need to be ready to surrender seperately. Just because I surrender lust, doesn't mean that I'm ready to surrender the other thing!!

So, it's back to square one, admitting that we have a problem and I have found that only to work by actually opening up to someone.

It is certainly ODAAT!!

So KOT!! Keep On Posting!!! KOMT!!!