Yes, I agree that I am powerless, i agreed on that along time ago, but now i realize that this is the problem, here is my loophole, i am powerless fighting my addiction myself.

Introducing myself will be very difficult for me, I am living a real double standard. On one hand i am considered a very chushive yingerman, in my community a lot of people are using me for a roll model of a very normal successful individual. I am learning well, davening well, getting along with people very well, bottom line is a young man with a bright future of growing to be a great asset to the community.

But here is the problem, no one knows what really goes on here. No one means no one, only the one and only knows by broken heart, how destroyed I am deep inside me.

I borech Hashem have a great family. my wife is a real tznieh, she would do anything to make another yid have a better day, cook supper for others, send breakfast to a neighbor etc., I have beautiful kinderlich, healthy, smart, good and cute, I thank Hashem everyday on that.

Having a good job is another piece of gold one side of my resume. I always had parnussah, today I am in a well established position in a great company with a nice salary, so nothing to complain about.

The problem is I am an addict. I cannot help myself when it comes to Kedushe, I am this way since I was a 13YO buy.

I always hoped to fix things after my Chsuneh, but nothing happened!

When I got to know for the first time what internet is all about, I didn't know that a new disaster will take me on for the next few years.

I always had a good filter, but the will of seeing was greater and I always got around.

Fast forward a few years: I had many many falls, I was broken and broken again and again, and everything in my heart, I never shared my problems with anyone else. My rebbe never asked me directly so I never had a chance to open myself to him, so here I am, a successful individual broken between 2 worlds!

A world of a life of torah vmitzves and a world of getting more and more pictures and videos into my brain, something that comes up whenever I try to learn or Daven!

Last week on Thursday I decided: enough is enough! I cannot continue living this way! I cherish the lifestyle of an ehrliche yid and I want to continue this lifestyle, but I cannot be ripped apart in myself, it has to stop.

Therefore i enrolled in the 90 days program, and I hope to get involved with the 12 step program, so I can free myself once and for all of the impure elements that continued to join my brain.

here I am holy brothers, I am outstretching a helpless hand to you and with tears in my eyes I am asking you: please help me save my life; please help me save a beautiful family; please help me raise my kids to be proud soldiers in the army of hashem.

Join my in my journey of getting pure, help me with your chizuck and inspiration and the zechus will be yours!

I hope to share my simche with you very soon,

abe68

PS: Sorry for my English, it not that good.

abe68 wrote:


Nothing to be sorry about, we're sure you'll be a gevaldige asset to our VIRTUAL community just as you are in your real one. We are a bunch of tzibruchene mentchen trying to notice Hashem in our life. Welcome aboard!

Shalom Uvracha, its like ur copying my problem, same story.
1 thing i can tell u, u arrived to the best place ever, here you will iy"h be able to get alot of Chizik from the Chevra here,
i feel ur pain, i need help myself, but i get tons of chizik here, and Hashem will help, for sure its a great start.
ה' עמך אל תירא, שכרך הרבה מאוד

Thank you all

Shalom Aleichem Rw Abe,

Thank you for sharing your story. I feel your pain.

Realizing that you are powerless as you wrote is an important step. However, it does not have to be a loophole; it does not mean that we are hopeless. What it means is that on our own we cannot overcome these urges. But with our willingness to let go whatever happens, HaShem who loves us can give us life and sanity even if we don't act -out, as impossible as it seems to us.

May He grant us a sober and sane day.

Hatzlocho

Thank you Cheskey.

This morning I was at an office where I was scheduled to go, usually such a visit ends up with a lot of trouble with shmires eineiyim, BH I had the courage to turn away and keep my eyes and soul clean for the day.

I am grateful to hashem

thanks for the info
gives me chizik

One of my greatest problems is that i am becoming very upset on myself too often, even when its not a help:( - its never a help!

I have to admire and thank my new friend ddmm11219 who just today became my partner and we committed to keep ourselves posted on our journey to a clean and holy life.

I "was" alone - now I have someone!

Thanks hashem for GYE

Hello
Thank you for your positive look on the future, this itself gives all of us Chizik and a push to keep it on.

we should really all of all be mispalel by the Bruche Of רפאינו ה' ונרפא that hashem should send us all a refua sheleime,

welcome to the mee l'shem site!

as looking through your post, i see myself in most of it, and best part


yes thats exactly the name of my thread, enough is enough!
and we all feel that, and together we will make the journey, and only with help of hashem.

and yes you got a good friend ddmm11219, i can agree on that 100%
keep it up

I am talking to myself and you all please listen.

Sometimes we don’t realize what we have, we don’t know what powers we do have, even though we are powerless to our addiction, and we work to get healed, we have a power, a power we need to exercise to benefit another YID.

It’s a simple SMILE.

I have a story for you my friends,

I was in the gas station a couple of weeks ago and I find a friend, a very special friend, who tells me: Abe, don’t you know that you saved my life? Don’t you know that I owe you something?

As far as I know I never worked for the hatzolah and I can’t think of saving anyone’s life, and I don’t remember you ever being in such great trouble to need a life saver, so what do you mean?

As you know I am from a very broken family, my friends tells me, my parents divorced when I was 5, I always had a tough time coping in school but I was considered average.

When I went to Mesivta, I was very concerned, I knew I will have difficulties finding a shidduch, I knew my family problems and the fact that I am not above average will not help me find anything real good, so I was on the edge of falling into a group of bocherim who had decided to make their time in Yeshiva a fun time… they fled yeshiva every once and a while and enjoyed themselves with not-kosher activities.

But here comes your smile, it saved me.

I will never forget that morning when I met you after davening you had such a bright smile on your face, and you were kind enough to share it with me, you greeted me like a brother, like a real friend. I decided to stay!

So, here he is, in front of me in the gas station, he has a family now, a beautiful family, works hard and earns a nice living and he thanks me for his success.

WOW!

I know I am powerless to a bad habit, I am powerless over an addiction that I need to cure myself from, but I do have remarkable power, I can save another Yid.

AND YOU HAVE IT ALL!

Beautiful story!

GYE is definitely a big, calm, smile.

And it's free, too!

Dov wrote:
Yes, fat free, cholesterol free, sugar free, and caffeine free too . But it is full of flavor, life, laughter, friendship, and recovery!

Dov wrote:

Anonymous donations can be given using the big "Donate" button in the top right-hand corner of the page.

You're welcome, Guard!