Hi,

Let me introduce myself (since thats what this thread is for).

I'm a 45 YO married, w/kids....I've been struggling since before there was an internet (the early 1980's) , so I know its not mainly the internets fault. It can't help me though to have lust inducing pics just a click away (and not explicit porn, just a good looking woman and a lustful brain will do the trick).

I'm Yeshivish, I learn 1.5-2 hours everyday thanks to a very supportive wife, but I often wonder where my heart is really holding.

My issue is mainly with m, although I also fantasize often. I have been clean from explicit porn for over 13 years, I think what keeps me away is realizing that one slip up can lead me down a slippery slope back to full blown addiction.

I work in a place where, lets say there are many nice looking women working not exactly tznius. My wife really wants me to install a filter on the internet at home but that wouldn't really help me because 1) I need FB and YT for work and 2) I have all the bandwidth I want at work.

There's more, but thats a pretty good start for now. Thanks for listening.

Welcome. You have come to the right place.

You are target when you say it is not the internet's fault. The program teaches that we have internal problems that cause us to feel pain and we hide from them with lust.


Thanks for being so honest about your situation. I am sure a lot of people who have been emberessed to admit like you did.

Hi geshmakkerYid,

welcome to GYE!

were all here to listen
and in the same boat
the very fact you came to this site, logged on, and logged in proves where you really want to be
I dont think theres a single member here who thinks like Bilaam did, who just wanted to end his life like a straight Jew (Bamidbar 23:10, see Rashi) - we all want to live our entire lives straight and clean from beginning to end...
youve crossed the first hurdle - identifying yourself with an addiction
there are many more hurdles to overcome
but where theres a will, theres a hope
if youve kept away from porn for 13 years, then that itself shows a tremendous will
dont stop your uphill climb...

as far as a filter, why not look into VCF?
they say they can do a pretty good job with YT and FB
but as you cross more hurdles, you may find it necessary to make some adjustments
leaving those sites open only at work and at work hours
or using eblaster

much hatzlacha!

Hi and welcome! Keep posting and reading. There is a lot of great stuff here.

Welcome to the forum G_Y!!

AND WELCOME BACK GIBBOR!!!

Sparky's right it's all the same here, and especially if you say that you fantasize, then technically you have "explicit" porn.

Read around, see what has helped others, and let us know what is helping you.

Hatzlacha Rabbah!!!

geshmakker_yid wrote:


First, a hartzige welcome!
You are among friends and fellow strugglers here.

OK, now let's get to work.

My new friend, if you are looking lustfully at your co-workers, fantasizing and masturbating, feel you need to stop, tried to stop but can't, then you DO have a full-blown addiction.

When I was in active addiction, after masturbating in front of the computer yet again, I was so exasperated that I stood up and made a neder not to look at untznius images of women on the internet for the next 6 months (not recommended). And I kept my vow. And no, I didn't go back to magazines that I used to buy in the 80's. I just filled in the gap (got my drug) in other ways. Like looking down my co-workers blouses, entertaining elaborate fantasies, and using my wife for the big release. I continued to crave pornography, and even thought about looking at pictures of men to get my fix, something I have never done.

I actually got sicker during this time.

Before my neder expired, I discovered GYE and learned that I am addicted not to porn, but to lust and arousal. I changed tactics. I learned to avoid all forms of lust, in my looking, in my thinking, and in my bedroom. The beginning was murder but I was stubborn and Hashem stayed with me.

That was over four years ago. I still want to lust. Every day. But it's easier now. I'm learning to get back into real life. To have real live friendships with real live people. I'm learning to connect with my wife, not use her to get high on lust.

You don't know where your heart is really holding because your heart has been hijacked by this addiction. We start to believe it's the real me.

It's really the addict in me.

The only way to weaken him is to starve him.

Thanks for your reply....I just saw it now.

When you mean to 'starve' do you mean no M and then that will help alleviate the issue?

By starving the taavah, the lust will dissipate? I just want to understand what you mean. If so, I think I understand, but its the journey to get there thats the struggle.

Welcome back!

Yes. Chz"l in Sanhedrin tell us: "Man has a small eiver. He who feeds it is hungry. He who starves it is satisfied."

The more we feed our lust, the stronger it gets. Feeding our lust means indulging in any lustful activity, be it inappropriate gazing, fantasizing, or having sex with ourselves (masturbating).

All these activities just strengthen the addiction.

Avoiding lust weakens the taivos. Yes, the lust will dissipate. It will never disappear completely. It will always want to be fed.

The "journey" is really just a series of right decisions we make each time we are faced with the opportunity or the desire to lust. We simply say no. Not today. I can't do this. I want to be sane. For today. We can ask Hashem to help, to take the lust for now. We can surrender our right to lust to Hashem.