Hi everyone. I'm no stranger to the GYE website. I was a lurker on the old site and here I am back because as much as I don't want to admit it I think I do need help.

I didn't think writing my first post would be this daunting but actually writing it out and admitting it "out loud" is harder than I thought.

So I'm married in my mid 30's with children B"H. I've had this struggle as far back as I can remember. I discovered masturbation at a very young age before I even knew it was wrong and it continued throughout my teenage years. I was fighting then as I am now with little success. I got married and like everyone thought things would change but they didn't.

I'm getting so tired of this cycle. How long can a person keep trying and failing? Sometimes I just want to admit defeat and just not be bothered with this struggle but I know its not the way to go.

I've been clean since 2 days before Y"K and I hope it will last...

It was the dawn of the internet and there was so much shmutz available. Filters were not even a thought at the time. Its been a constant struggle ever since.

Welcome! Nice to meet you, make yourself at home!

You are right that it takes a lot of guts to come out of your "safety zone" and post for the first time and admit that you need help. But, b'ezras Hashem, help you will find!

Your story is far from uncommon. Have you read through the handbook? Have you tried any eitzos? What has worked so far? What hasn't?

We look forward to hearing more from you.

Welcome!
This is a fine place to lurk.
What's your plan to make this time different?

pleasenomore wrote:


All bolded words are banned on this sight! Guard, please....

Forget about the past; do not be concerned with the future.

Focus on the present.
God will help you now!

and by the way, many people on this site have been 'shmutzing' for many more years than you, and they have recovered or are on the road to recovery, so welcome aboard.

b'hatzlachah

Thanks for the warm welcomes.

The beginning of the year is always the strongest. I usually have no issues after Y"K. But I know they will come and I want to be prepared.

The inspiration of Yom Kippur is so strong that I literally feel like 2 different people. Part of me cries in tshuva and a part of me cries for the future me. The me that I know will be back.

I guess the plan is to head over to the BB forum and post in a bit more detail.

See ya there!

Welcome to the forum for real,


I won't see you in the bb section, but I wish you much hatzlacha.

Welcome. it takes a lot of courage to admit, even to strangers, that we have a problem. I remember that my life was completely out of control and I still took months to do anything about joining the calls or the site.

If you can try to share more and I think you will find it a positive experience. We all know what it is like and want to help.

Even through this is my first post I have been on the calls for a while and they have helped my tremendously.

Welcome PNM.

Your opening post is mirror image of my story, i could have written it myself!

Remember you are not a bad person trying to be good. You are unwell trying to get well.

WELCOME! We look forward to hearing more from you. I can relate to your situation.

pleasenomore wrote:


I know exactly how you feel. Back in the 90s (when modems made that crazy sound), I would come home for bein hazmanim. I would learn with my chavrusah in the morning, then go home and look at porn until someone came home. I would start again at night (trying to muffle the modem's sound) after everyone went to sleep and stay up till 2 in the morning. I would repeat this the next day and the next.

My name is Eli and I am slowly learning to take my life back.

Welcome to the club chabibi

Hi
I too am new to this site and I want to say that for me, so far, putting my admission in writing has certainly helped. The other posters are really encouraging and have some useful suggestions.
One thing in particular that I have been trying to do is go here whenever I "get the urge". Just reading other people's stories of their struggle and how they are working on themselves is enough to divert my attention and helps me to re-focus on what I should be doing.
Keep it up and don't forget that we are all in this together and we are here to help if we can

Thanks for the kind words. For now (post Y"K) its just all about keeping my eyes clean in the streets and the subway. Not an easy task but I just try to keep on reflecting on the power of Yom Kippur...

Hi pnm...
one thought I had before Yom Kippur was that I was looking forward to a day immersed in ruchnius
for many of us (all of us?) the YH tries to pull the wool over our eyes, tries to convince us that we are his subjects, compelled to do his bidding...
and so we suffer an identity crisis
but on Yom Kippur we see the truth so much clearer
my feelings were - this is the real me, this is who I want to be
we may fall at times, but never let that fall confuse you to who you really are...
as the mishna in pirkei avos (2:13) writes,
don't be a rasha in your eyes.
much hatzlachah!

pleasenomore wrote:


I think that many people on this site would suggest that you focus on asking G-d for help in this struggle. Maybe reflect that He can and will Help you, even when you cannot help yourself. All you have to do is ask Him.