גענוג געווען wrote:

GG I hope you don't mind if i tell you that I really don't think that this is realistic. How do you simply disregard thoughts, fantasies and obsessions which are way more powerful than us? If we are powerless then we cannot just disregard them.

What works for me, is not to fight on my own. I am powerless on my own. But I can admit defeat and reach out for help. I can talk to friends about it and expose it (this weakens it), I can post on the forum as explicitly as possible what it is I want to do and ultimately I can talk to my Abba, tell Him what i am going through and ask Him for help. He loves and cares for me, and there is nothing too big or too small that I cannot ask Him to help me with.

chesky wrote:


thanks chesky very much, and so the others who replied, it gives me a gevald chizuk, i feel ppl are with me watching my steps if i will fall again or not, it gives me a big push.

now in regards to chesky about exposing my taughts to others, trust me i want to do that several times but i am afraid that it will make here the other sick ppl as me, to act out from hearing such kind of taughts

now, my machshovos zorus comes from all porn shows that i had seen in my entire life, so to go into detail and expose all my machshovos what in my mind, i most be convinced that it will not hurt anyone if i expose it.

now from the point of talking to Abba, i tried so many times i want to talk to him, but i dont know why i cant do it, simple i dont have any words and i need the time for it, and the place (ppl should not see what i am doing, i dont want to be a meshugener on the street).

Hello GG
it was a pleasure talking to u, i feel that together we can work out how get healed iy"h, not to forget what Dov keeps on teaching us, its not the issue to add days, its to work with the thing of: A Day at a Time.
looking fwd to keep it up with u

גענוג געווען wrote:

I did not mean that we have to give a detailed rundown of all the XXX fantasies we have. I also am never sure of how detailed I should get, neither am I comfortable often hearing other peoples fantasies.

But the main point is, to take the action and when we have an obsession, we speak to someone ad admit that we are powerless and that we cannot do this on our own.
גענוג געווען wrote:

For a start, just pick up the phone to share with a friend your powerlessness. Have you ever done that BEFORE acting out, even though you are sure it is not going to make an ounce of difference and that you are going to fall anyway!
גענוג געווען wrote:

I understand where you are coming from. We are funny people. We have no problem posting on anonymous forums under usernames, or calling anonymous chat lines etc.
That for us is real.

But talking to our Abba; THAT is meshuga!

I can only tell you to just do it. You don't need the time for it, and if you do, how about in the WC. Yes, He is there too. There is nothing too big or too small to talk to Him about.

ddmm11219 wrote:


thanks ddmm11219 for the phone call, was a great experience and another big step in the journey, well it was a tough step to speak on phone with someone about it, but after all it worth, i feel much better now.

thanks to all of you who begged be before to go in to a call with someone, yes it did the trick!

and chesky for your last point about talking to abba, while reading this, i got hit, i dont know why but i went into BR and started for my first time in a while to cry to hashem, but i had no words to say, but deep in my mind was alot of tefilas going through straight to hashem.

GG. All my life I cried and daavened to HaShem.

I never TALKED to Him.

For example I could tell Him how much I wanted to learn Torah, but I never talked to Him about my daily frustrations, resentments etc.

I don't know what the BR is, but I am thankful that i don't have to go anywhere to talk to Him. He is with me everywhere and at all times. All I need is the willingness to let Him in to my life.

Talking to Him at least as naturally as I do to my wife, is critical to my recovery. If my relationship is dependent on my emotional high or low, as it was for all the years i acted out, then when i do not feel like it, it does not "work".

May He be with us, and grant us a sober and sane day.

Just my experience, take it for whatever it's worth.

I little while back I found it very troubling that I found it so so dificult to express my feelings to Hashem, I even asked my Rebbi why that is. The reasons are irrelevant, the point is that when I did start talking to him, that is really when recovery started.

It was hard, and a bit painful, but I felt a connection with Hashem like never before. Not to just think, thoughts are "hevel" nothing, they are not real. When we bring them out through speech they become solid, real (which is the reason that it is so dificult to do).

KUTGW!!!

and KOP!!