Dear all, and specially the GYE staff,

I introduce myself by means of this message. I have been a member quite a while, but only in the last months I have fully working on my recovery. I (and many of you) still have a long way to go (I'm far of the 90-day first target)but the fact I am fighting hard and can connect with other fighters like you really gives me real hope of getting out of this situation. I'd like to share with you a short Dvar Torah which gives me strength to continue fighting.

When HKBH adds to Yaakov Avinu the name "Israel", the reason given is "Ki sarita im El-Kim vaanashim vahai"- you have fought with supernal beings (angel of Esav) and with people and you have won. The question is, we now that although the Malach did not defeat Yaakov, he still displaced his Gid Hanashe. We cannot say, hence, that Yaakov won in absolute terms!

Ba'ale Musar give two answers. 1- To fight with a malach and to get only your gid hanashe damaged is still a victory- the Malachim are much more stronger than us. 2- It matters not, in the fight with the Yetzer Hara, if you have won 100% or if you are damaged one or a thousand times. The fact that you start up to wrestle with the Yetzer Hara- Malacho shel Esav- is itself an tremendous overcoming and achievement (remember that without Siata Dishmaia we have no chance against the Yetzer Hara as the Gemara in Kidushin says- presumably it takes enormous courage to face it and fight it, as we all are doing here)

Hizku veiaamtzu levavechem kol hameiahalim laH'. Let's fight together this wrestle.

Shabat Shalom Umevorach,

WELCOME toldotaharon! It's nice to have you with us. What tools have you been using in this struggle? Have you read the handbook? Does anyone know about your struggle? Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

welcome
don't be a stranger

theres a lot of good ideas out here

take advantage

have a good shabbos

Hello ToldotAharon, nice to meet you! Welcome to GYE!

Just wondering, what do you mean when you say you are "fully working on my recovery"? What measures have you taken? How succesful has your recovery been so far? What has worked or not worked for you?

I like your vort, but the truth is it makes me a little nervous. I don't know you, so I can only speak for myself. When faced with the thought of a head-on wrestling match with the yeizer hara, I am no Yaakov Avinu! If I know what's good for me, I would run for my life (and daven that I have the strength to outrun the yeitzer hara). If I try to face the yeitzer hara head-on, I am toast!

The truth is, I am still struggling to connect the dots between the moshol and the nimshal. What does it mean to "fight" the yeitzer? To sit in front of the computer with the name of a dirty site already typed in to the address bar, and then grit my teeth and say "I can't do this to myself" and close the window? Is that what it means? What does it mean to "run away" from the yeitzer? It could mean physically picking up and changing location, which is certainly a godd eitzah when it is feasible, but is that the only way? At what point to we pick up and retreat from the battle? Before it starts or in the middle of the fight?

These questions are not really directed at you, they are just things that I have been thinking about, but since your post brought up the concept of "fighting" I thought this may be relevant. In case I did not make it clear, I don't have definitive answers to these questions.

Anyways, welcome to the club. You will certainly find a lot of people in similar situations to your own. Post your story, and everyone will grow together.

The is another similar vort that asks why are called Yisroel after the "sarisa" instead of "vatuchal" after the overcoming. The answer is (from the Chidushei HaRim) that in the struggle we have with whatever it is (in our case acting out in lust), a person should never be discouraged because a yid is a fighter. That is our mahus, our essence. That is what makes us great. Of course we are engaged in the struggle to win. But what makes us who we are is that we get up to try again even after we have fallen, that we stay in the "battle" no matter what. That is what we are expected to do. To keep on truckin' the best we can, one day at a time. Not to win some enormous epic war with the satan. Rather to keep on keepin' on. Get up, pray that I don't fall. If I fall, get up and get back in the game. That is where Yidden shine - So we are called YISROEL after the struggling, not after the overcoming.

And what's more is that if we remember that its not "winning" that we are after rather doing what we are supposed to in the moment, namely staying engaged in the struggle (not with intention to stay struggling but to know where the action is, so to speak) - then that IS winning. THAT is victory!

Gibbor120- I have not yet read the full handbook, however I have read the steps and am applying them. My Rav knows about my struggle, and he fully supports me. Thanks for the warm reception.