Reaffirm your motivation for stopping. intellectually, nothing has changed--just keep on trucking, andmake fences or Taphsic that will prevent you from getting into hot water on the first place!

Just checked in at Day 24- going away for a few days after tomorrow, so that should make it a lot easier, but I still felt today like I was going to fail, even though i was very busy. But I'm not gonna let the Yetzer Hara win when I'm just one day away from 3 whole days of not having to think about this. Pray for me! JUST ONE DAY! PLEASE GOD!! 30 days will be a big celebration for me.

There's a life time of not having to think about it.

you see, we are used to having this take up a huge amount of time and energy in our lives, if you read the laterst chizuk email, it was about a guy who got on a bus and thought "you know, I DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT THIS. there's no rule that says I must look at every person on the bus".

nu. it sounds better on the email. But the point is that just stop thinking about it--there's no rule that says "when recovering, I have to think about it at least 7 times a day and overcome those urges".

let go and let God. stop worrying about it. never let your guard down, but KOT! the point is that you're Baruch hashem still going strong, and don't let your Y"H obscure the fact that you are doing amazing.

Good luck!

Beautiful work Bro!

One day at a time.

People on the boards here are discussing what means they should use when dealing with these temptations.I just wanted to point out a few things that is found in all the holy seforim.

1)We are not to view the battle with the temptations as something as a battle per se(in a negative form)as that is what it seems on the surface,(which is inself is a tool that hashem gave to the koach hatuma to have us think that way in order to overcome that way of thinking and get rewarded for that ) but in its deeper from and at its essence,as a holy and sweet OPPORTUNITY to cleave to hashem(in a positive form). We are not to view the temptation as something evil that we have to overcome but to see the holiness hiding within the temptation which is none other than Hashem himself. We are to WELCOME the temptation the more we view it as a mask of hashem in the form of temptation,yetzer hora,addiction etc. Only sweet and holy things exist in this world as hashem would not do otherwise- and when we think we see otherwise, we dig deeper and find out the above holy yesod with time.It takes time, as this is the whole point in life, to tear the mask away and consequently loving hashem and doing his will more and more in quantity and quality. That is why it says - tov -is yetser tov, (tov) meod- is yetser hora. As that is in essence and inherently the ultimate and greatest good.
2)On the same note, when we know that Hashem knew in advance that there will be "evil" in the world- be it in the form of people being "evil" or in the forms of sin and the like and even so thought it was worth creating the world with all of the seemingly negative stuff- we get to the next point.
When a yid succumbed to temptation- he is to know the following.
The almighty knew about the fall in advance and that still did not make him want to stop with his plan to bring this jew into the world with all his falls. To the contrary- EVERYTHING is going according to plan.(Free will is only prior to the fall)This is the mightiest tool the yetser hora has at his disposal to make the jew think otherwise.
As the seforim explain how that is the only way a person merits to fulfill his mission down here. Only via falls. Sheva Yipol Tzadik- is the only way to become holy as all the Seforim explain. It is not that we have to "overcome" our fall but rather to the contrary- this "fall" was precisely what I needed as part of my lifes work. One of the many ways to understand this is-
3)After a "fall" a person naturally feels dejected.There is nothing sweeter to hashem than a jew who naturally(aka a tool of the yetser hora for us to overcome)does not feel like he is succeeding spiritually and still continues trying to be a good and devoted son to hashem. This beautiful and sweet devotion is by far sweeter to hashem in some ways than that of someone that is on "streak" of holiness and is actually feeling good about his spiritual standing. The mesiras nefesh of the former jew is incomparable to that of the latter one.Only thru a fall does hashem get this special nachas from a yid.There are no words to describe the greatness of such an act over and over and over again. Than can only happen after a "fall". We are not privy as to why hashem in his infinite wisdom chose some pepole to be the of the former and some of the latter type, but that does not concern us at all.
4)after a "fall" - the angels dance in heaven when the yid summons up all of his efforts and tries to the best that he can to regain simcha to being a jew.(as if nothing happened)It is unnatural and is superhuman and it is God that helps the yid in doing that.There is no holier work than this form of selfless and(and at first and superficially,emotionally unrewarding) unnatural serving of our father in heaven.This another reason why hashem made him "fall"- so that he can bring this special incomparable nachas to hashem over and over and over again. This is what will bring Moshiach to an extent more than someone who did not have this work cut out for him.As the big Rebbees used to say - that the entrance to the holy depths of what it means to be a eved hashem is as follows: One who his knife is still dripping with the blood of chas vsholom another jew that he has just killed rachmono litzlan and cannot summon up the energy to daven mincha with a zeal and fire like that of the holiest jew(after doing teshuva)- has not BEGUN to taste the sweetness of our holy Torah.(the yetser hora has at his dispoal(for us to overcome) the tool to confuse the person about the above concepts with the thought that this is somehow contradictory to the mitzva of teshuva etc.and contradictory to what he has learnt all his life about how serious it is to sin and the subsequent punishment etc.
That is all for the person to think before the sin. NOT about the sin he has already committed.
5)The yetser hora has at his disposal in order for us to overcome the other weapon:
after a "fall" the person thinks - I messed up again. The comedy and genius of this thought is that this thought that the person is thinking stems from a holy place in his soul is so plainly a thought from the yetser hora himself( in order for us to overcome)
As there is not SUPPOSED to be a the letter/word I in a yids life. Its all about hashem. If you are thinking that YOU messed up, apparently you think that this journey has something to do with you. aka arrogance.(for us to overtome that thought)This is another reason for the"fall" happening to you- so that you can work on the holy mida of humility.The thought that should accompany you after a "fall" is how you repent for the pain of the shechina when a yid was destined to cause the pain of the shechina.It is a thought that makes us CLOSE to hashem. Its a thought that makes us feel GOOD to be so close to him that we care about his pain kvayochol.This is yet another reason for the "fall"- so that hashem wants to reward you for doing teshuva over and over and over again. The time to do teshuva is a time of simcha. It is the holiest mitzvah to repent and worry about HASHEM and our neshomo with is part and parcel of that.The yetsher hora has us confuse that with doing the exact opposite- thinking how WE "messed up" and feeling bad and sad about OUR shortcomings- when its not about us at all. As the seforim write that ANY thought before, during or after a "fall" that makes us feel bsimcha is holy and if it makes us feel bad- it it the yetser hora camaflouged very skillfully to reward us for overcoming.
All of the above is to be studied repeatedly and slowly to be absorbed into ones self for his entire life as it increase the love to hashem and kamayim ponim el ponim will be reciprocated via loving hashem and wanting to do his will.
The yetser hora fights with all the might that hashem gave him (in order for us to overcome) to have us not realize all of the above, and its our holy lifes work to slowly and with patience and knowing with bitochon that ALL is well right now and will continue being so until we will all see it so plainly and clearly with moshiachs arrival soon iyh.

not sure if anyone is holding in my story, this is my first post in a while but im back in israel, phone is filtered and all. im now 11 days sober.
I b"h am doing very well mentally but im still seeking to take the next step in dealing with this (along with focusing mainly on learning in yeshiva now) tomorrow I am actually going to my first SA meeting and I'm very excited and nervous. I hope to gain the tools I need spiritually both in life and with the issue of shmiras habris.

welcome back
thanks for the update
taking the step of going to the meeting is a huge one
this should be the start of your continued hatzlachah

Wow that's a big step, keep us updated on your progress.

Good to hear from you.
Glad you're willing to do whatever it takes.
Hatzlocha!

I also have ssa and it can be really isolating, mainly with me b/c i didn't feel like anyone was on the same wavelength as me, coming to gye (im still a newbie) has really helped. i feel that ssa is different then sa in terms of aacting out because ssa is really non-sexual needs that become sexualized, so it's a bit of a different animal. however, l'maysah, when it comes to the raw addiction its just like all the others. (emotional dependancy, cant stop, feelings of regret, etc. so dealing with it should be the same)

Shlomo24 wrote:


That's exactly what my addiction is. all my emotions have become sexualised. I'm stressed, what do I need? Sex. I'm tired, what should I do? Sex. I'm angry, lonely, frustrated, afraid - act out. Yeah that's the only thing that's ever helped me deal with a problem!

Porn and masturbation is not my real problem. The ordinary stresses and difficulties of life are the problem and acting out became my way of handling those situations. So any attempt to deal with just the acting out is hopeless. I need a two-pronged program, to stop acting out and then to deal with life in a more constructive way.

Almost everyone who starts the program believes they are somehow different. Either the more common "I'm not as sick as these people!" Or the fantastic "I'm so much worse the program won't even help me." But the acting out is not the real problem. It's how to deal with life, that's what the program is about.

I once spoke to an SA friend for a long while about the program but everything that was said somehow came back to a version of "that's fine for everyone else but my problem is different." He has given up with SA and has gone back to acting out in a big way. Seeing differences can be very dangerous. Look instead for the similarities and you can learn something from everyone. Mikol melamday hiskalti.

i just want 2 tell everyone a public service message. i started chatting with newyorker a couple days ago and eventually we kept up the comminication. everyone should know that he is an awesome guy and i haven't felt this positive about ssa ever since i began communicating with him.

he's prob gonna kill me for this

YTC everyone (YES TOU CAN!)

I haven't posted on my forum in a really long time, but I'm feeling so appreciative for the place that I'm at in my life that I feel the need to share that with GYE.

For starters, I'm 44 days sober right now. That's incredible. I haven't been sober for this long in 8 months. I got to 44 days by getting a sponsor, buying the literature, working steps 1 through 3, and asking Hashem to help me stop living inside of my head and paying attention the life that was happening right in front of my eyes. (my GUARDED eyes, all puns intended). So that's been an incredible experience for me.
What's even more amazing is how I've taken an environment which was not so conducive for the kind of support that I require for my struggles and turned it into a healthy, warm environment with all of the resources that I need.

I'm so glad to be experiencing my life for what it is, not to be jumping forward or backward in life, but feeling a sense of comfort with my past, and a real sense of the present without worrying so much about the details of my future.

Another experience that I want to share is that over the past few months, I have been able to use my experience with SSA to help other people. I would never have imagined being such an important resource to other people, and just being able to listen to someone and give someone else an understanding ear to talk to has made me feel more comfortable with it myself.

As life moves forward after what's been a very positive direction in the past 2 months, I'm still confused and nervous about what's going to happen next, but thinking back to 44 days ago, I feel a whole lot more clarity now. Hashem should give me and all of you the necessary clarity to get the help that we need, and to trust that He's going to take us to even more amazing places, and give all of us the courage to live one day at a time.

It's been a while since we've heard from you, so welcome back! It's amazing to hear that you've reached such a milestone. May you continue to go m'chayil el chayil!

Great to "see you" back on the forum!