Hi!
First of all I want to explain why I
call "Appearance".
On the outside I'm a noble, pleasant,
friendly, smiling ... Inside, alone, I do
I want.
I am only what I appear to be, not who
I really am.
I'm religious.
It all started when I was Bar Mitzvah and my
body began to change.
I was wanting to feel physical contact.

But Baruch Hashem I did not. Not good.
One night I did it for the first time. I did not know
what had happened. I thought I urinate.
I felt confused.
It made me a custom and so I repeated hundreds
of times without exaggeration. I liked.
I knew it was wrong and that hurt me to my
same. But I continued, and I am still.
I approach a Chacham I know and I believe with
all my heart.
Trembling told him everything.
The first thing he told me astonished, was:
"You?".
As I said before. Appearance.
We can all be victims regardless of anything
how to be.
He gave me advice, support me, comprendio and
I never blame to throw me on the contrary,
get out more.
I was embarrassed to see me as a freak.
I advise you not to cover my feet so as not to
Hot body or not close with the button
bathroom.
In the Yesivá, in Israel, relented.
He did so, but was still.
I studied books on the subject in private, but
was still.
Baruch Hashem started a family and felt
protected by my Mrs. Wife.
I felt that this matter was left behind ...
It started again after ... How bad
could it be? How bad is it only once?.
I struggled to get the service that first time.
One day I felt confused and alone and bought
printed material.

So am "Appearance". Look it what I am not.
It was not enough already printed. He was looking
now
video, and then on the phone ... Internet ...
I was wish more to do just that with my wife. (Even
Why not enjoy a by that sense of guilt,
to cheat on my wife, myself).
Suddenly I have no desire with her ...
Well how?? Well if you do it alone.
These images made me and made fantasize
actions by myself, but always wanted company.

But is not it worse levatala Zera?
It's worse because you do not limit ... And do not
matter.

Truth no longer want to continue.
Is leading a double life. No right or stay
with you or your wife ... or with your family or
with
Hashem.
I feel angry that no one warned me what
is, why, why.
I know it's a weapon of boble edge. I know that.
But perhaps you do not take more guidance as to
lightly.
By the way, I told my wife of friend and
that made young (never said that I still
doing or what the videos and magazines). But
an error telling that. It is "you" secret.
Just make yourself less before their eyes and to
what?? She can not help. You can only make
feel what little thing you are ... Sometime
get it out.

I thought I was the only married to vice, but I see
we are several, or many.
I like GYE. I like the warmth I feel here.
Trust.
The spirits they give you.
And above all. That you're not alone or lost. And
what can, and should, be the end of this vice so
hard.
Hashem Beezrat you can, and leavethis.
Thanks for all people and thanks GYE.
Tool is badly needed.
My nisayon ​​is stronger in nida, my days
"Free" ...

WELCOME! This is a warm accepting place. We are all in the same boat. Glad you joined us!

who are you really?
you are the man that your wife married and she loves you.
you are a G-d fearing man who loves G-d and bows before Him.
you are a man with conscience and feelings.
you had a friend who was close to you and maybe you loved him.
you have the opportunity from HaShem EVERY day to atone and beg forgiveness.
you can pray.
you can say sorry and do the mitzvot to amend
you can guard your eyes

Hello Teshuva13.
Thank you very much for those nice words.
You made me feel I really am someone who is worth a lot.
Thanks for your support and for making me feel so good ...
I think I've lifted the spirits for some time fallen.

You're not a fake, you just have a large yetzer hara- we're people, not angels! It's normal. The fact that you're trying to work on it is already a massive step.
Keep climbing!

Hello Zvi.
Thanks for the support and for making me feel so
good!
I tell you, the truth is that I just fall into images
and action two days ago, after being clean of
action 55 days.
It is now my third attempt since I met GYE.
At least, I'm BH on the road to recovery and put a
lot more attention to my actions.
It is not the same as the previous year BH. Never
had a bad year like the past 2 years.
It was dirty when I first married after.
There is no way that images do not lead to action.
It's like playing with fire and not get burned.
But I'm stubborn and cling to what is wrong and
go with eyes closed behind my heart ...
I started in GYE BH 3 months ago.
I between the call of the 12 steps ... And I read
the AA program.
I never thought I was ever addicted, but to be
honest with ourselves. It is only for our good. Our
complete recovery.
Also, how can it be 15 years of addiction and
have no vice ...
Too bad there are no calls in Spanish ... Not much
public ...
My moderator and I were like Jabruta and friends.
Apart from master ..
Any suggestions?
Greetings!

Welcome, Apariencia. It's really good that you can talk about being different than what you make yourself to others. Every single one of us did/do that. But as you keep working at it the inside and the outside start looking a lot more like each other. You are on the right track. You have admitted that playing with images is like playing with fire. Yes. Yes! v'loh sasooroo ach'rei...aynaychem.

thank you for sharing so honestly. I can't help you with your nisayon about men, but there are many guys on gye that will be there for you on that subject.

Keep on.

Joel

Welcome brother!
I heard from R' Avigdor Miller zt'l that chazal teach us our goal should be to make "tocho k'baro" one's inside like his outside. Not chas v'shalom the reverse. Inside we have many thoughts and desires. A dog is baro k'tocho. If he needs to urinate, he lifts up his hind leg and lets go. If he sees an attractive dog, you know what he tries to do.

Humans are different. We create a persona, an exterior. Our goal is then to internalize that exterior. Make it truly us. It's a lifetime's work.

Your writing is beautiful. And I know that your struggle is beautiful to Hashem.

Keep at it. One day at a time.

Alex

Hello Joel!
I tell you something? Actually I want to start first
to get BH to 90 days, clean images and action.
Then, with the help of Hashem want to continue
the battle against addiction and then work on
SSA, in fact, here's a section of it and I also
recommended www.Jonahweb.org, they are
especilistas in SSA.
Thanks for the support

Hi Alex.
You're right.
At the time to hide what you're feeling we are Tojo Kebaróa. For example: Your you smile,
but these really angry.
-You understand everything I said?, And you:
ahaaaaa. (Perhaps you did not pay the necessary
attention to hear what you said, but I'm
ashamed). Or, Wealthy wise food?? And you
say: mmmmm. (But it not was so good), etc.
By having addiction, we are exposed to it all the
time. "You look so Frum", all people lock at you well ... But, you
know that not everything is what it seems, as you
know about yourself.
People will have a concept
that you know is not real.
You say, it is take to fix a lifetime ...

Alex, Thanks for the support.
Shabbat Shalom!
That cute with your family passes

And post here as well, for you told your story here from your heart.
You are so good.
You mean so well.
your wife is loving.
you can do it!!
for you are worth it!

b'hatzlachah

It means a lot to see someone write from the heart and with meaning. You're a true fighter

Cordnoy, Shomer bro..
I realy appreciate that.
Thakns for your support.
I need to fell that support.
Its so good...

Before a few weeks I start to talk to Hashem, ask for my things, ask for his help.
I feel he listen to me!
I feel his protection, he does not me fall.

That's good.
Talking to Hashem is wonderful.
A work ethic is also important.
Do something for that commitment to get closer to Hashem.

b'hatzlachah

Cordnoy , I always have that doubt.
In the 12 Steps says you have to be spiritual, how can it be spiritual?
Tefillah , Chesed ?
Perhaps not every Yehudi does this?
What more is needed?