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TOPIC: Here's my story. Please help 14020 Views

Re: Here's my story. Please help 13 Jun 2013 20:59 #209163

  • gevura shebyesod
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Reminds me of a joke they used to say about George W. Bush.

They come in to the President one morning and inform him that there was an attack on a NATO convoy in Iraq and 4 Brazilian soldiers were killed.
Bush collapses in tears and he puts his head down on his desk and sobs for a while.
Eventually he picks his head up and with a tear-stained face he asks,
"Tell me again... how much is a brazillion?"
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant


My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Here's my story. Please help 13 Jun 2013 21:08 #209165

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Where is the emoticon for laughing so hard that I'm crying?

Re: Here's my story. Please help 14 Jun 2013 02:33 #209223

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Dear MT,

Thanks for sharing parts of your seder (program) with us! It really helps the people here who think they cant do it, to see the truth: we can do this. Could you please email me or PM me? I'd like to ask you a question that is not for the forum.

All the best and continued hatzlocha!
"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."

Re: Here's my story. Please help 14 Jun 2013 18:21 #209294

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Dov wrote:
Dear MT,

Could you please email me or PM me? I'd like to ask you a question that is not for the forum.


So, you guys gonna be discussing me behind my back, eh?
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Here's my story. Please help 14 Jun 2013 18:35 #209301

Gye zoog abissel Tehillim!

MT

Re: Here's my story. Please help 14 Jun 2013 21:36 #209349

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Dov wrote:
It really helps the people here who think they cant do it, to see the truth: we can do this.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! You are shattering the 12 step mantra. We are powerlees. we are powerless...

Re: Here's my story. Please help 14 Jun 2013 22:41 #209372

I have discovered over the years with hashems help(while struggling with the temptations that many do) how thru delving into pnimius hatorh thru toras hachasidus and the like etc. a person will have newfound understanding into all the goings on and temptations around us and see things differently than he had originally thought.It is a tremendous tool for us to use in Avodas hashem tought to us by the Baal shem tov and toras hasod vhachasidus.

1)all "problems" that one thinks that they are dealing with-is not a "problem" at all but rather a holy challenge by hashem that Hashem has allowed via hester panim(which in itself is only for our good too - as everything bar none is here for our good-even what superficially seems to be of the negative sort such as sin, punishment etc.)to be camouflaged in the form of a "problem" for people that arent in the know yet of the above secret.
2)the solution for any "problem"is brought by hashem as well into world in any which form. Anything out there in the world is hidden inside of the Torah - and it is visible to the people that are zoche to have the eyes to see it and to all people to whatever extent it is that they see it.
3)We have a tendency to categorize our journey on earth as successes and "failures". In reality though there is no such thing in essence as "failure" as everything bar none is from hashem for the good and the word failure is a mirage. The natural sort of thinking is one of the most powerful tools the Yetzer Hora has received from hashem in order for us to have the zechus to overome this thinking.
4)when people struggle with anything in their lives,in any area, spiritually,materialistically,and when they feel that they have "failed" to overcome. they are to know the following. THEY HAVE NOT FAILED. Hashem knew what the outcome would be way before the creation of the world and he STILL felt it was worth it.
THAT IN NO WAY IS CONTRADICTORY TO THE CONCEPT OF FREE WILL AS CHASIDUS WILL EXPLAIN.
The simplest way to understand this is comparable to the idea of before and after.
All that we know about sin and punishment etc.and what naturally seems to us to be the opposite of the above is only before the sin, afterwards its the exact opposite.

to be continued. Shabos shalom

Re: Here's my story. Please help 14 Jun 2013 22:49 #209376

Thanks for your input and welcome to the forum. So tell us a bit more about yourself. Are you saying that by using this tool which you describe, you now are free of such struggles?

Waiting to hear some more from you.

MT

Re: Here's my story. Please help 14 Jun 2013 22:53 #209380

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WELCOME sonoftheking! Nice to have you with us.

Re: Here's my story. Please help 20 Jun 2013 00:02 #209792

People on the boards here are discussing what means they should use when dealing with these temptations.I just wanted to point out a few things that is found in all the holy seforim.

1)We are not to view the battle with the temptations as something as a battle per se(in a negative form)as that is what it seems on the surface,(which is inself is a tool that hashem gave to the koach hatuma to have us think that way in order to overcome that way of thinking and get rewarded for that ) but in its deeper from and at its essence,as a holy and sweet OPPORTUNITY to cleave to hashem(in a positive form). We are not to view the temptation as something evil that we have to overcome but to see the holiness hiding within the temptation which is none other than Hashem himself. We are to WELCOME the temptation the more we view it as a mask of hashem in the form of temptation,yetzer hora,addiction etc. Only sweet and holy things exist in this world as hashem would not do otherwise- and when we think we see otherwise, we dig deeper and find out the above holy yesod with time.It takes time, as this is the whole point in life, to tear the mask away and consequently loving hashem and doing his will more and more in quantity and quality. That is why it says - tov -is yetser tov, (tov) meod- is yetser hora. As that is in essence and inherently the ultimate and greatest good.
2)On the same note, when we know that Hashem knew in advance that there will be "evil" in the world- be it in the form of people being "evil" or in the forms of sin and the like and even so thought it was worth creating the world with all of the seemingly negative stuff- we get to the next point.
When a yid succumbed to temptation- he is to know the following.
The almighty knew about the fall in advance and that still did not make him want to stop with his plan to bring this jew into the world with all his falls. To the contrary- EVERYTHING is going according to plan.(Free will is only prior to the fall)This is the mightiest tool the yetser hora has at his disposal to make the jew think otherwise.
As the seforim explain how that is the only way a person merits to fulfill his mission down here. Only via falls. Sheva Yipol Tzadik- is the only way to become holy as all the Seforim explain. It is not that we have to "overcome" our fall but rather to the contrary- this "fall" was precisely what I needed as part of my lifes work. One of the many ways to understand this is-
3)After a "fall" a person naturally feels dejected.There is nothing sweeter to hashem than a jew who naturally(aka a tool of the yetser hora for us to overcome)does not feel like he is succeeding spiritually and still continues trying to be a good and devoted son to hashem. This beautiful and sweet devotion is by far sweeter to hashem in some ways than that of someone that is on "streak" of holiness and is actually feeling good about his spiritual standing. The mesiras nefesh of the former jew is incomparable to that of the latter one.Only thru a fall does hashem get this special nachas from a yid.There are no words to describe the greatness of such an act over and over and over again. Than can only happen after a "fall". We are not privy as to why hashem in his infinite wisdom chose some pepole to be the of the former and some of the latter type, but that does not concern us at all.
4)after a "fall" - the angels dance in heaven when the yid summons up all of his efforts and tries to the best that he can to regain simcha to being a jew.(as if nothing happened)It is unnatural and is superhuman and it is God that helps the yid in doing that.There is no holier work than this form of selfless and(and at first and superficially,emotionally unrewarding) unnatural serving of our father in heaven.This another reason why hashem made him "fall"- so that he can bring this special incomparable nachas to hashem over and over and over again. This is what will bring Moshiach to an extent more than someone who did not have this work cut out for him.As the big Rebbees used to say - that the entrance to the holy depths of what it means to be a eved hashem is as follows: One who his knife is still dripping with the blood of chas vsholom another jew that he has just killed rachmono litzlan and cannot summon up the energy to daven mincha with a zeal and fire like that of the holiest jew(after doing teshuva)- has not BEGUN to taste the sweetness of our holy Torah.(the yetser hora has at his dispoal(for us to overcome) the tool to confuse the person about the above concepts with the thought that this is somehow contradictory to the mitzva of teshuva etc.and contradictory to what he has learnt all his life about how serious it is to sin and the subsequent punishment etc.
That is all for the person to think before the sin. NOT about the sin he has already committed.
5)The yetser hora has at his disposal in order for us to overcome the other weapon:
after a "fall" the person thinks - I messed up again. The comedy and genius of this thought is that this thought that the person is thinking stems from a holy place in his soul is so plainly a thought from the yetser hora himself( in order for us to overcome)
As there is not SUPPOSED to be a the letter/word I in a yids life. Its all about hashem. If you are thinking that YOU messed up, apparently you think that this journey has something to do with you. aka arrogance.(for us to overtome that thought)This is another reason for the"fall" happening to you- so that you can work on the holy mida of humility.The thought that should accompany you after a "fall" is how you repent for the pain of the shechina when a yid was destined to cause the pain of the shechina.It is a thought that makes us CLOSE to hashem. Its a thought that makes us feel GOOD to be so close to him that we care about his pain kvayochol.This is yet another reason for the "fall"- so that hashem wants to reward you for doing teshuva over and over and over again. The time to do teshuva is a time of simcha. It is the holiest mitzvah to repent and worry about HASHEM and our neshomo with is part and parcel of that.The yetsher hora has us confuse that with doing the exact opposite- thinking how WE "messed up" and feeling bad and sad about OUR shortcomings- when its not about us at all. As the seforim write that ANY thought before, during or after a "fall" that makes us feel bsimcha is holy and if it makes us feel bad- it it the yetser hora camaflouged very skillfully to reward us for overcoming.
All of the above is to be studied repeatedly and slowly to be absorbed into ones self for his entire life as it increase the love to hashem and kamayim ponim el ponim will be reciprocated via loving hashem and wanting to do his will.
The yetser hora fights with all the might that hashem gave him (in order for us to overcome) to have us not realize all of the above, and its our holy lifes work to slowly and with patience and knowing with bitochon that ALL is well right now and will continue being so until we will all see it so plainly and clearly with moshiachs arrival soon iyh.

Re: Here's my story. Please help 21 Jun 2013 04:27 #209932

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I notice MT asked sonfotheking for the simple, personal facts of his own struggles and whether the approach he writes here itself has actually freed him from his struggles. I admire that question for it will help make the message so much more valuable to people here. Thanks, MT!
"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."

Re: Here's my story. Please help 21 Jun 2013 20:11 #209982

Hi to all the tzadikim that are involved in the holy of holiest work that this website does. How lucky you are to be the emissaries of hashem and toiling in the realm of that which will bring Moshiach, the avoda of kedusha. As the talmidei bal shem Tov write that this is the final leg of our work and toil in exile, and the the key to the redemption.
As the level of temptation in our era is incomparably larger than it has been in history via the internet etc. How honorable and how good it makes us feel that out of the hundreds of generations of the greatest and holiest yidden that hashem created since the creation of the world - hashem chose US people to be the closers. It is us that will finish the job.

In response to the question of whether the message that was posted (a.k.a Torah in its depth as the holy seforim explain it ) works. Of course it works. How could Torah not work? As the whole struggle was orchestrated by hashem in order for us to overcome why wouldnt it work? What would be the point of all the SEEMING pain and toil and confusion? The one who created the"problem" knew about how we will operate in response to it because he made us operate the way we do in the first place.He who made the "problem" equally created our response to it.He who made the problem mapped out exactly and precisely whatever it is that we end up doing and thinking, and thats what he wanted and brings him nachas to no end. Hashem created the GYE website along with every single typed word and thought that his holy children post on it. EVERY iota of seeming confusion,seeming disagreement,seeming failure and likewise,agreement,success,that are discussed,debated and felt, was created by him for our good.

When we slowly start realizing that all the talk of sin and punishment etc.is all before the sin,and afterwards we are only to think of how it is hashem that destined for me to "fail" for my own benefit,we slowly ease into a world of sweetness and feeling indescribable love.We slowly start feeling the joy in our journey. We slowly replace the feelings of when will I free myself of this struggle to- OMG -I cannot believe that hashem chose little me and my buddies out of the millions of holy jews that preceded me that were not chosen to have our modern day temptations.It slowly replaces the feelings of fear, worry,sadness,that we used to feel before and after the sin to that of love and feeling honored to have been chosen for this mightiest of tasks.We feel his loving us unlike anything we have felt before.We now know that we ARE NOT TO FEEL SCARED about "falling" for hashem wants us to overcome those feelings, as he only wants us to feel bsimcha at all times bar none. Before ,during chas vsholom, and after the sin equally. We now start to be joyous that chas vsholom after a "fall" - God wanted to see me strive to be happy that Im a jew, even though I dont feel naturally happy (in order to overcome) but Im doing it anyway because he wants that. We strive to revel in the fact that hashem chose little me to do teshuva once again even though it does not come naturally.We get closer and closer to him after a "fall" chas vsholom when we strive to incorporate that he willed this fall and I will not be upset about it to the best of my ability. If thats what he wants - I want it as well after the fact. It would seem to me that I would be happier if I would not have fallen- but he thinks this is best.If he thinks so -I think so.We learn that a 'fall' chas vsholom IS NOT A BUMP IN THE ROAD- it is the road. It is the road. We have to repeat that to ourselves every day over and over again.

Hashem wants us to strenghten ouselves nonstop. When a negative thought (brought about for us to overcome) pops into his sweet childrens mind- he wants us to know that this is just ONE of the reasons that the person "fell"- to work on acquiring seemingly unnatural positive thoughts.He wants us to work on the holiness of humility and feel the initial instinctive koach hatuma (that which hashem is hidden inside of)the thought of negativity after the sin chas vsholom(for us to overcome) and see us tell ourselves, I am going to think about him now and not about how I feel bad about it.I am trusting him that all is well. I am trusting that he loves my teshuva efforts so much. He loves my humility effort. He loves my simcha efforts.He is sheppping nachas how I keep on working like a loyal son over and over and over again without actually feeling that great. He loves how I try to put him before me and for trying to overcome the thought of how I would have liked for it to go another way instead of his way. When we feel our efforts are not going so well- we say to ourselves- this too was his will that it should not "seem" to go well upto this point and all is well. All this in conjunction with going forward with a fiery zeal in our work. There is more in the seforim on everything being discussed.

A holy and sweet shabos to all a that is what it is going to be. In a similar vein the seforim write that the possuk "Kedoshim Tiyu" in parshas kedoshim is not just a command- the way we learn it on the pshat level of torah. it is also on the fourth level of torah which is sod- (Pardes = pshat, remez,drush,sod.) a guarantee, as in -kedoshim tiyu- you WILL be holy.

Re: Here's my story. Please help 21 Jun 2013 20:35 #209986

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I personally find viewing shmiras einayim as my "taphkid" in life as counterproductive, because then I focus on it too much.

Re: Here's my story. Please help 21 Jun 2013 20:37 #209987

Hi again.In response to whether I have been freed of my struggle.

1)We should reframe the word struggle to that of - holy work (a positive connotation)as that is how hashem made it and wants us to acquire that feeling, and which is of equal importance(and maybe even more important) to train ourselves to think that way, just as much as the holy road of avodas hakedusha, and which is part of the reason there is a avodas hakedusha (and all other holy work) in the first place. We should work on this non-stop too.

2)I have had times that I have sinned.I have tried to the best of my ability to do teshuva.

Re: Here's my story. Please help 21 Jun 2013 20:40 #209989

to chachaman- I agree that Hashem created the fact that not think about it is most effective.It says so in alot of places.
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