Hello everyone...I am so very new to all of this, and frankly, I am not sure how to begin. I have never had this unique opportunity to speak about my problem, and I am not sure how to start. I sure would appreciate any help. Shalom.

Welocome!!
Speaking about your problem is the best way to start!! How long has it been, what have you tried so far and why hasn't it worked, what are you planning from now on, etc.
Also the GYE Handbook is a must, it will hopefully give you a feel where you are at and the tools to use thereafter!
Hatzlacha!!!

Welcome H2h,

The GYE of a community of people who are at various stages of recovery. You can benefit from reading , posting and chatting with members.

Sharing information about yourself and the nature of your problem will help start the conversation off. I've been here Since the day after Yom kippur and my life has been significantly changed.

There are no magic solutions but if you are willing to work, you can get your life under control.

Eli

thank you for responding. It means a lot to me to be able to talk to others about my struggle. I have had this problem since I was a 11 year old boy. My father was very addicted to inappropriate material. It wasn't hard to find in my home, and my brother and I often would look at it when my parents were not home. I briefly stopped looking at the material once I reached the age of eighteen due to the fact that I had found religion and became more spiritual. However, due to my other illness of bipolar disorder and a journey into alcoholism, I re-discovered this particular addiction. Maybe it was because of my illness, maybe it was because of the fact that my parents abandoned me because they could not cope with my illness(I have been estranged from them for 26 years now), maybe it was a way of dealing with emotional pain, what ever the case, I quickly became addicted to lust by my mid-twenties. Needless to say, over the years it has gotten so out of control that I can seem to only manage to get maybe 6 days clean at one time. Filters or having someone look after me has proven to not work at all. I seem to always find my way back to this filth. It has gotten so bad in the most recent past, that I even to tried to take my own life so as not to offend Hashem ever again.
I know I need help, but I am not so sure where I can start. I have reached out in therapy, however, it is really strange how many therapists do not believe this to be an addiction. For example, I even had a therapist once instruct me to view porn just to help me with my sexual problems..go figure that one! My latest therapist felt it is just a behavior problem, not an addiction.
But, I am determined to heal, I am determined to put an end to this addiction and learn how to live differently.
I am sorry if I have gone on and on here...but this is the first time I have had the chance to share this secret with someone. It is sure wonderful to know that I am not alone. Hashem has been good to guide me to the site. In fact, I see it as a modern day miracle.

I have been dealing with this problem since I was 11 years old, and as I said to another member, this was due to the fact that my father was very addicted as well. By the time in my mid-twenties I have become very addicted. Lately, it has been so out of control, that I can not even seem to get more than 2 days clean. But, I am trying to hang in there.
I have tried just about everything, from prayer, to fasting, to self-abuse such as burning myself, cutting myself, and even a serious attempt at suicide. I have gone to therapy, but that has been of little help because it seems all of the therapist I have gone to do not believe this to be an addiction. But, I know this to be an addiction, because it has the same face as my alcoholism as well.
I had downloaded the handbook and I am reading through it now, also I have downloaded Windows of the Soul. Both I have found to be helpful. But, what I really need is now is to talk to someone. I really need to share what is happening with me, because in so many ways, I feel as if I am losing hope.
Thank you so much for replying. It means so much to me. And as I said to the last member, I am so glad that I am not alone anymore. Because for a long time, I sure felt that I was the only observant Jew that had this problem.

Hurting yourself is not allowed. Period. It's a mitzvah to take care of your body. Harming yourself does not help you stop doing this stuff and it doesn't atone for anything you have done.

How to serve Hashem? We're told clearly. It's a big mitzvah to always be happy. It's the only way. Find the good things in your life, be happy and you'll find it much easier to deal.

Dear Hurting2heal, (an apt name)

I am so glad that you have joined us. Many like you have shared their stories here, and have inspired us all in their path to recovery. The MOST IMPORTANT THING is to JUST KEEP GOING. No matter what happens, no matter how hopeless it may seem, DO NOT GIVE UP. I have been depressed enough before to consider ending it all. I know the pain seems like it will never go away. But it does. And your life matters. You are a part of the GYE family now. We want to be with you when you are up and when you are down. Persistance itself is victory.

Rabbi Twerski says that having a support group is crucial to recovery from addiction. I think this makes sense because when you are alone the Yetzer hara can tell you "you don't matter anyway." That's why I made a shvuah that before I view P*** I would read the first mishnah of the second perek of Pirkei Avos. It says: "Rebbi Says, Which is the proper path that a man should choose for himself? Any that is a credit to the one who does it and earns him the esteem from other people. Be as careful in a the performance of a mitzvah that is 'minor' as one that is 'major,' for you do not know the extent of reward for the various mitzvos. Calculate the cost of a mitzvah against its rewards, and the reward of a sin against its cost. Consider three things and you will not come to sin - know what is above you: an eye that sees, an ear that hears, and all your deeds are in the book of recordings.

You can now rest assured that each battle you fight will earn you self-esteem, and esteem from everyone at GYE. Do not be fooled when the Yetzer Hara says "just this once," or "this poster isn't a big deal." Small incidents can build up quick - but don't be to hard on yourself - that's also a pitfall. Remember that the pain of healing shrinks in comparison to the satisfaction of triumph, and that the temporary, fleeting pleasure of sin shrinks in comparison to dveikus and freedom. Know that Hashem observes everything (eye), that he cares about you at every moment, even the lowest moments (ear), and that you have the power to write the story of your life as you would like (book of recordings).

Welcome.

Welcome H2H,

Do you have a cousin H₂O ? Sorry, bad joke.

Glad to have you with us. It does sound like you need a good therapist, but haven't found one yet. Have you tried the therapist link on GYE? guardyoureyes.com/therapists

One of them just started a phone group as well. It came out in a chizzuk email.

I'm posting the email in case you don't get them




Hatzlacha Rabba. You are not alone. We are here for you.

Seems to be a typo in that chizzuk email. "U.S. Phone number: 209 255 100" is missing a zero (209 255 1000).

MT

Thank you. I am so glad I have joined you guys too. I am really working at not giving up. It has been so very difficult for way too many years, but I believe Hashem has blessed me with the spirit to fight, even if right now that spark of light inside of me seems a little dim. I live alone, so my Yetzer hara loves to play with my mind. Sometimes, I feel as if I am some kind of cat toy for it. So, that is why I am so glad I have found this wonderful website. For the first time ever, I don't feel so alone.
As far as my self-esteem, you are very right I should not be so hard on myself. I have done that for way too many years. I really do try to be kind to myself, but that has always been a challenge for me. I was raised in a very abusive home, I was often bullied as a teenager, and I had to endure the shame of mental illness. I learned at a very early age that I was not good or even okay. I learned from my parents and others, that somehow I was a mistake. Now, I know Hashem does not make mistakes, but words and violent actions can take a toll on a human being. Now, having an addiction to P***, has made that journey to self-acceptance and self-esteem all the more harder.
I am so glad I have found this support group. Rabbi Twerski is very right in his teaching of the need for a support group. I have seen it work in A.A., but I would have never thought in a million years there would be something like this to help me with this problem. As far as finding a therapist, I am considering the ones that are offered here on this website. The ones I have found recently do not believe this problem is even an addiction. They seem to think there is nothing wrong with this no matter how many times I try to tell them I can't break free from it. I am always amazed at how fast they quickly dismiss it, then I am left feeling very stupid and ashamed for even bringing the topic up.
I like your idea of making a shvuah, but how does one go about doing that? I have made vows or promises in the past, and sadly, I seem to break them every single time. I would love to be able to do something like that and be able to keep it.
Thanks again for your warm welcome. Again, you don't know, or maybe you do, how much this means to a man like me. Baruch Hashem.

i am new here too, but that group isn't in a good time for me (working then)and i realy want to join a group.
i'v tried that night group but that sounded kind of Boaring. . .
any advice?

The GYE handbook discusses making vows. I strongly recommend looking through it (you don't have to do it all at once). If you get to that section, make sure you read the whole description before you use G-d's name (I didn't finish reading about the vows before I made mine, and I think I may have used Hashem's name inappropriately. But they tell you how to do it so you don't mess up.)

Keep it up

It never ceases to amaze me how many therapists have no idea how to deal with this addiction. I have seen it so many times on this forum.

It's also amazing to see how LICENCED therapists who are supposed to be EXPERTS, many with PHDs, fail to help an addict. Then some UN-licenced, NON-expert, lust addicts get together to do the 12 steps and succeed!

gibbor120 wrote:


I can't answer for the seeming ignorance on the therapists part, but i can suggest why it didn't work for me.

When i went to therapy my understanding was that THEY had to fix ME. They were the proffesional and i was the patient. Much as if all I had to do was lye on the operating table, so to speak, and they will fix me.

The point was that i wasn't taking responsibility for my recovery. This was actually part of my illness, looking to others to fix me.

The 12 step program is a program of action. I need to work it.

hey moish
you bet the 12 steps work if you work it.