There was a list of many tips there.

shomer bro wrote:


How about trying to wear glasses on top!?
Don't know how it would effect walking but it could serve the same purpose potentially.

Would you like some tips instead on how to stop worshipping attractive women?

Thank G-d you are interested in that! So many of us are still locked in the old, very frum-feeling, love-embrace with the glory of being omeid b'nisayon, kedushas eynayim, and tahara, finally doing Teshuva gemura (davka), etc, etc. The bondage we keep ourselves in just to remain respectable (in our own imagination, is pretty shocking. And I relate to it 100%, have not forgotten, b"H.

You would love to do that, you wrote...but it's a real change. It has got to cost something. It's gotta be real, bringing yourself to the table as you really are in the rest of your life. Not just 'talking about lust and recovery', like we do here.

There is so much real action to take here. I needed (and need) to open up honestly to other real live people w/o holding back any detail due to shame. For some that can be a therapist or an understanding, loving, and wise Rov or other mentor. In my own case, all those failed to save me...my last therapist (being a recovering alcoholic herself) was humble and brave enough to admit to me that therapy would not have saved her, and it would probably not save me, either. She suggested that I go to SA meetings and open up fully, right from the start with the sober people there. Admitting it on-line and using a fake name is one thing. Admitting it clearly to a real (safe) person without a bag on your head is quite another. It makes it real. Really. A very good start.

Another thing is getting used to surrendering (giving up) the sweet images of women we see and want to absorb or follow. We get used to doing that sooner than later. And get used to giving up fantasizing or obsessing about them, if we are do that. Often that does not happen until we call a safe friend up and admit it for them to hear very clearly. The admission kills the secret of it and it kills the shame of it.

Kills the shame of it?

That's a tremendous chiddush to many who think that quite the opposite is true. They figure that shame only comes from davka the admitting of it to another! And they figure that the 'value' of admitting it is actually in shaming myself from thinking such things again...like it's a punishment of a TaphSic thingy or something. Gevalt how backward. They do not realize that it is only the elimination of our shame that will allow us to truly face the truth about ourselves and DO something about this...like giving it up for today completely. That's just how it works. R' Elimelech knew that and that's why he advised that (even to non-addicts) in #13 of his Tzet'l Kotton (check it out, very nice). He surely did that himself at his madreigo - but honestly and fearlessly casting of his shame and telling the unvarnished truth to a trusted friend about his struggles, whatever they were. The real tzaddikim follow their own advice.

The truth about shame to tell the truth to safe people is that it isn't shame at all, but our arrogance. And it is easily dressed up in religion by folks from all walks of life. Yidden do it in much the same way that christians do it. 'Chillul Hashem', 'Ashrei k'sui chato'oh', etc...all excuses based on 'preservation of our dignity'. In other words we are too ashamed of the truth. That's arrogance. Well, my dignity in front of people is basically shot, thank G-d. The only dignity I really have intact is in front of myself, for I am a pervert in recovery - and life is good!

After that, if necessary, we get used to praying for the women or images that we don't forget about, sometimes right away in the street or while driving. That takes some getting used to. Some of us think we look down on the dirty shiksas too much for us to sincerely pray for their health and happiness! Look down on them? Are disgusted by them? Huh? We worship them!

If these women are precious enough for us to try and follow around to get another look at them in the supermarket or street (or in our minds), they are probably 'choshuv' enough for us to pray for their benefit. After all, they - as humans and a tzelem Elokim (Yes, as Rav Avigdor Miller and others have driven home many times, goyim are also a tzelem Elokim) - definitely have a good tachlis and G-d has a purpose for them in His world, too. G-d cares for people and guides their lives and the goyim are expected to have a relationship of some sort with Him. It's precious to Him, too. That's obvious. Time to pray for them - davka because we mentally (and sickly) reduce them to sex objects for our pleasure all the time. Then, of all things, our yiddishkeit comes to rescue and convines us that they are disgusting evil people and the only thing to possibly pray for them for is that they should do Teshuva real soon (but not immediately, of course - cuz I'm still enamored by the great shape of her bottom and sides! )

There are other actions we can take. Humility, when I get some (or humiliation), opens my mind to them. Pray for me while you are at it, please.

Hatzlocha my friend!!