Thanks ! I can completly relate that to myself !

I lost my jobs three weeks ago,My boss move out his company and I can't follow him.
But after the huge disaster i lived,I think it's a good thing because right now I can focuses on taking my life in charge (I still have to have my degree,my driver licence which is very hard to gain here in france and other things to do)

"Breath"

I like that name. I also think its a great strategy. Perhaps you should foliow after you namesake and "breath"

I can't give you any advice about your situation but i think your name says it all!

Breath

Since I ended college 2 month ago, I become more and more isolated, I used to be a very shy boy at school,(although I changed a lot since college)so I don't have any old friends then in college,there is not "modern/religious" guy like me in my class, so although we are friends ,we don't go out together (they go to the club, they are not "chomer neguia" etc...) so we can't be close.

Plus all my jewish neighbor go out with friends they meet in yeshivah or somewhere else so they are part of a group that I will never be able to join.I could force my friendhsip and become the third wheel but...you know... it's more humiliating than everything.

The thing is ,right now, I don't have a job but it's not very important(it was an horrible job and I don't have problem of money ) however I have plenty of free time and my loneliness hit me right in the face, I wish I could go back in my past, shyness was a huge mistake and now, I lost my best chance to socialize ! I have no idea how can I gain friend now, The worst is my familiy and my few friends thinks I'm friendly,smart,funny and handsome ! I know I'm not anymore the guy who sit on the chair watching the other dance during a marriage or a BM,now I'm the guy who want to put a real simha !

For example ,last mont I was invited at a marriage of my ex-worst ennemy and ex-best friends (long story),he was super-extra grateful for the simha I provide this day ! and his father ,mother,brother also thank me ! plus i can easily chat with everybody,everyone think I'm a very social guy , no one ever think I used to be very shy.

So why I'm so alone ?

I think my loneliness is a consequence of my addiction,first because I used to stay at home browsing you know what on the internet instead of going out .

But Most of the times I think it's a punishment for my sin,Why ? because I read so many times that the guy who make this sin are literaly cursed ! You can't have any happyness, any hatslaha or every single light in your life if you keep doing this!

I'm doomed ! I know I have to stop this and it doesn't matter how hard I try, I'm still falling again and again , I adapt my strategy every time but at the end ,I always fall.

It's a vicious circle.

All I want is 2 or 3 real friends who I can talk when I'm feeling lonely.

I wanted to add that I'm not thinking so gloomy all day but right now I'm back into the mist so I write everything I have on my mind,it helps me a lot

I still believe somehow Ha Chem can help me.

Chabbat Chalom.

Breath....this is my first post on someone else's thread....and I am by no means an expert....struggling to beat this no different than you...allow me to share some insights.

Posting alone will not cure this...as Dov says often and I am sure others need to take real concrete action get out of isolation....what does that mean...join a phone conference...find a sponsor or even god forbid (joking) go to an SA meeting. I have done the first 2 and am slowly coming to the realization that I need the third.

I feel sorry for your situation but posting about it wont change your reality....DO SOMETHING REAL!

I do believe ( I know others don't)....that when we act out god does punish us...perhaps that's why things are going wrong in your life? The punishment is not an angry god that is so offended that you looked at porn and masturbated to naked woman...(Chava was naked)....no its a loving god that is gently reminding you that what you are doing is wrong and to do tseuvah...turn away from the path.

I don't know where the quote is from...but aren't we supposed to look at our actions when something goes wrong in our life? If we Masturbate and Porn...and everything is hony dorey in our life....that you can say is a God that doesn't care about us...these are gentle warnings that we need to look into our actions...if we don't the consequences get stronger until we do?

That's my humble opinion from things I have seen in my life.

I will join in with the group suggesting you find a Rabbi and or therapist that you can share these burdens you carry with you...as well as finding a way to take real action with real people.

Hatzlocha my friend and Shabbat shalom.

My heart aches for you.

Nachshon

It sounds like you can make friends from your post. You actually may be quite good at it. Your attitude seems to be holding you back. A classic case of the self-fulfilling-prophecy. Meaning, if you think you can't - well, then you can't. Change your attitude to "I can" and you can.

Don't worry about reward and punishment. That is Hashem's business, not ours. It is also fuelling your attitude of being doomed.

You seem like a great guy. Cheer up and make some friends. (also, keep up with the ones you already have)

Love,

Gibbor

Nachshon wrote:


Indeed but it feels good.

Nachshon wrote:
I'm french,there is no such things here,the wonderful perks of being americans or israelians is there is a lot of structure for jews

Nachshon wrote:
I did ! I join 4 or 5 jewish assoc' and other stuff who organize party to make new friends ,I get along with some guy but it's never turn into friendship.

do you know what really grinds my gears ? other people are SHY ! they are afraid to get out of their comfort zone ! ,everytime ,everywhere , at each new parties, the so-called "popular guy" first move is to look for their old friends . they are insecure, they are scared to stay alone or talking to "strangers" ,they stay in their old group.

Unlike them,I love met new people ,saying "hi ! I'm Israel, nice to meet you" and then engage a conversation,I'm good at talking !( I learn that when I worked in a bank,it's a salesmen job in reality,) I made like 40 new contacts by night,everyone says it was fun to meet me but it doesn't matter because after the party there is no sequel!

It's unfair !it's a wicked game, because they are supposed to be social and they are not ! I'm supposed to be associal and I'm not !

This is my problem,this is what I called it "a curse" ,this is why I said I'm doomed for now.