hi everyone.

im a 24 years old guy.

nothing special.

no particuliar friends.

no popular.

no rich.no poor.

no strong.

a shadow.

no hobby or passion.i mean i used to read books or plays video games movie and other but i stop everything one atfer the others.i prefer to stay with my pc watching and doing you know what.

i read some stories about struggle, fighting, anger and other feelings but for me its different.i feel Nothing. no black nor light its grey.i live in the fog.living each days on the same routine.sure i pray 3 times per day but im ashame of myself to speak with Hachem.i put tephilin .eat kocher and others but there is no feelings.

what am i doing here ? i dont know ...i stop fighting .i left the anger behind me.

im just sad .this is where i live.

no hope.i forget this taste.

people speak about stopping for days.i just want to have 12 hours of freedom.

im tired.i will continue later.

i wont do anything till morning.

easy to say but hard to respect

it is 2.15 am here in france .im tired.i want to sleep.

but i usually masturbate before i can sleep.

i have to work tomorow. its left me 5 hours of rest.

shall i go masturbate ? just for sleep ?

lets say no !

but im tired !

its ok i wont die right !

but i have so many scenarii in my head !

indeed but lets concentrate on other things.

like what ?

how about thora ?

what ? seriously ?? and what about the sleep ?

dont know ...maybe the yetser hara hate more learning and give me sleep instead of studying thora ...

ok ,lets give a shot ! after all , the scenarii disapear during my writing...

this looks like a job for


MR. MELATONIN

seriously, take a pill and go to sleep. come back tomorrow and the chevra here will take good care of you. one thing u should know first, you are definitely not alone anymore.

good night

i win the night battle.

but when you start your day with avero its also difficult to resist.

i started touching but i stop.

lets go to work. im very late

Congrats on the night fight!!!
they say here in gye, "one day at a time"!
tell me, if you feel nothing, why did you sign up and start posting here?
i would say it's because there is a fire in you that wants to burn.
one night is the perfect start!!! keep us up to date, let the chevra here pull us all up together, you certainly are not alone!!

Hello Breath,

Welcome to the forum. Keep on posting. As you start writing, and keep on writing, it's sort of like detox.

At first nothing comes out.

But then, things start to flow. The garbage and poison starts coming out--all the crazy thoughts in our head.

We write, people write back.

Little by little, we start to get healthy. We start to get the strength to stay clean. After a while, it seems like we don't even have to fight anymore to keep up.

Little by little, the confusion leaks out. And clarity starts to come in.

Keep on writing, keep on sharing.

You'll get the strength to stay clean.

You'll figure out what your true passion is. You'll start to really enjoy life.

Welcome to the forum and keep on posting.

--Elyah

Welcome breath! Good to have you with us!

You will have tons of friends here. They will all be understanding and supportive.

Keep on posting!

ONE BREATH AT A TIME BOY!!!
something that works although its real wierd at the beginning.
Tell Hashem how you dont have any feelings etc.....
Vent out your feelings,or just say them.
See what happens.
ALL THE BEST
Breath in,
Breath out,
Life will get cooler.
But'
You keep in Touch
Were all in your situation.

Sholom Aleichem breath!
Whatever you do, don't be ashamed to talk to Hashem. He loves you. He created you. He's keeping you alive every single moment. He wants you to talk to him, so so desperately. It doesn't even have to be during shemone esrei. Just whenever you want, in your own words. It will help, if you believe it can.
Hatzlacha!

ils was scared.scared of this night. i was telling myself how i will win again. maybe i should fall ? after all i resist during a whole day! maybe its a good victory and i need a "rest" ? maybe i shouldnt push me to hard ?

then i cheked my topic.and i saw your response...you answer me !

No ! no ! and no !i cant do that !

many people spoke to me! encourage me !

real persons !

im a not alone with my pc , not alone in my head with the void and dream of lust

But why am i crying right now ? why there is tears on my face ? i dont understand ,im not sad nor happy.

i wont fall this night.

i'd rather die that doing it.

not this night.

no combat , no doubt.

not this night,

it is half past midnight. lets go to sleep.

Thanks far from my heart

You are worth it, keep it up,
Remember you can do anything, you think it's impossible to stop, but you can, you can.
And you'll get stronger and better.

Breath,

Did you download the GYE handbook? Have you started reading it? It has a lot of attitudes and practical suggestions for succeeding in this struggle. It's a great place for starters.

--Elyah

I win the night battle.
i win the waking up battle.complete shomer einayim and yadaim..
i rode the 23 first pages but i think i will go on the second part directly.

breath wrote:


I found when I spent my days taking in images of women and filling my head with fantasies, yes, it was "impossible" to go to sleep until I masturbated.

From your writing, it seems you know what you need to do to get sober -- guarding your eyes and your mind. Guarding our eyes doesn't just mean porn, it means all women, as much as possible.

But that's all just to get sober. The next step is to start living. You say that you have no hobbies, no friends, no interests. To recover, and start living, you need to have friends, and good things to do. So work on that. OK? Make a date with a friend and sample an interesting beer or chips and salsa. Or go running, hiking or biking together.

im praying minha.

crazy thougt assault me. they dont let me pray.i feel like a piece of meat in a cage full of hungry lions .im excited that i could do everything

calm down ! breath ! take your time ! its in your head ! you wont do anything , this a lie, a lie ! even if you want it, you cant ! you are far from everything.

i locked my pc with vcf and my phone with k9.
im in the chul.
this is just lie.get out.you wil see.