breath wrote:


Doesn't sound like the best idea. Movies also have pretty actresses, in case you haven't noticed.

Why waste your time. You're starting to come alive again. One part of that is abstaining from the drug. The other part is getting back into life -- starting to do real things with real people. Meet up with a friend. Go walking or hiking. Ride a bike. Climb the Eiffel Tower with magnetic shoes . Take up a sport.

[quote="AlexEliezer" post=205041
Climb the Eiffel Tower with magnetic shoes :P . Take up a sport.[/quote]

sounds deadly fun !


instead i get this !

gut shabbos and chabbat chalom!

Perfect!
http://guardyoureyes.com/forum/23-Just-Having-Fun/84252-GYE-GLOSSARY-OF-TERMS?limit=15&start=45#120737

Welcome aboard breath. And I love that song!!

Nice Strat bro!
Rock on!
Do you play? Maybe jam with a friend!

maybe some days but not right now !

there is a dvd to learn how to play.the thing is that i have plenty of times to improve my skills

i fall yesterday.
i used to be into the mist then during four or five day , i saw a sunshine but now i dont know where i am but its dark.

Progress, not perfection.

Just pick yourself up and keep going.

You must be doing something different now that you managed to keep yourself out of the mist. Keep it up, and just add more to your recovery arsenal.

It's not the end of the world.

...It's just a new beginning.

Good luck,

Elyah

hi elyah.

dont acting out is like holding your breath.i cant continue this way.can you tell me more about the surrender thing ? its a prayer ? thanks

one day a guy told me his life is like a roller coaster.

i experiment that last week.a fall.a deep fall.it wasnt under controle i realize that but it wasnt the worst fall.

i mean, i respected my border line.so it wasnt so bad.

on the other hand.2 weeks ago, i tasted nearly 5 days without it.

it was very hard.painful and other feelings.addicted will know...

but it was awesome.

course i'm in pain, unlimited feeling to be on the edge.also the fear to fall.the fear to experiment despair.

i long for this time.

you wanna know why ?

because i felt something !

damn it ,at least i was alive !

i was in charge of myself.

i took décision.

i realize that i alive when i fight.

i choose to live...

pain remind me who i am...

life...
to live...
to breath.

most beautiful words.

living them is so much better.

i hope what i wrote have a sense but be nice its 4.50 am here in france and i still dont sleep.

breath wrote:


I don't understand why, but if I say to myself, "I'M NOT GOING TO ACT OUT! DON'T ACT OUT!"--over and over again, it's only a matter of time until I act out.

If I say instead, "G-d, save me from lust," (over and over again), usually, eventually, the lust passes. It goes away. The next wave is a new one, and not the old one I was just supressing for a few minutes or hours or days or weeks. I get a reprieve in the middle when I don't really think about it.

But's that's not all. Sometimes surrender is a prayer (sometimes repeated lots of times) like that. But other times, and actually more often, instead of reaching out to G-d for help (because I can fake that) I need to reach out to other people. I have been saved from falling by posting on this forum and waiting desparately for a response. As a moved further along in recovery and got more involved with people in a more real way, surrender is often picking up the phone and calling someone. Sometimes I have been determined to act out and I didn't feel like I could pick up the phone and call someone, but someone called me just at the right time and, at least, I picked up the phone and then surrendered.

At first, surrender was sharing, "I'm about to m*sturbate!" As time went on, I realized that the m*sturbation is really a cover-up, a pain-killer, for a deeper and more subtle pain. It's the pain of being disatisfied with life, with having an unpleasant discussion with a relative or collegue. It's the pain of being scared I won't be able to pay the bills. So, as time went on, I have become more aware of these feelings and my shares are more often about the struggles of life.

This keeps me, usually, very far away from the edge of the cliff of acting out.

Has this made any sense?

--Elyah

yes thank you !

this fight dont let me breath and this way seems easier.

well today was a good day.like every good day it started very bad.i was tired like ...well i still dont fully recover the sleepless night.i missed the train.teacher will be probably mad at me.fear of the reaction of my boss if he discover my late.

and the thing is i told myself " of course its gonna be end bad ! you earn it ! this is justice.everything will turn the worst way"

then i told myself " shut up ! you know nothing about Hachem and how He make you paid for you sins ! so what ?you think He is just an executionner ? a ruthless judge ? you know nothing and if you paid attention to the tephila you will see He is nothing like that.

and everything turn right since teacher was late and thats it. the missing train.the teacher reaction.boss réaction. everything vanished just with that.

i said thank you Hachem. i dont deserve this but thank you with a big smile on my face !

rest of the days was good. socialize with classmates.seems we get along pretty well !

yep ,definetly a good days...

Baroukh Hachem toda raba:cheer:

see ya my friend

breath wrote:


That's a big one for me--self sabotage, pessimism. I noticed often things were going bad because I EXPECTED THEM TO BE BAD, and so I acted in such a way to mess everything up. Often it was that I gave up on trying because I told myself there was no hope, but if I were hopeful and carried through everything would have turned out better (most likely).

So, this negative attitude is one of the big things I try to stay on the look-out for. If I can't be all optimistic, I at least try to suspend my judgment. Also I try to remind myself what FEAR stands for:

False
Evidence
Appears
Real

It's all in my head, and my head isn't the kind of place I want to spend a lot of time in anymore.

You're doing great!

--Elyah

and here we are ! Chabbat or maybe i should say chabbos ? im sefarad (my parents came from marroco, both of them) and i know there are a mot of ashkenaz in english spoken country but seriously , in my family we dont care about this ! want a proof ? my brother married an ashkenaz !

by the way since i have 3 big brothers and 2 in college , we spent a lot of time together (in our way...im a former geek and otaku) it could explain why i have not so much friend ?

but i talk, i talk and im forgetting what i have to say!

its will be my third weeks here.

the first one which was awesome ans terrible ( i remember some of the battle and i have no idea how i didnt fall ! oh yes , i know ! i receive help from friends and a Big One who caught me when i fall;)

train arrived and i still dont say it...

i continue later

Keep it up!

Chavouah tov everyone !
Last week I fall on Saturday night

in fact, I fall every Saturday since I sleep during chabbos so I can't sleep during night so I stay in my bed and sooner or later I fall.
besides I resist during chabbat.

maybe it explains a little but it's not the real reason.

I resist during last week ( much much easier I have to say ! )

but when I arrive at these moment I don't know why but all my resolution vanished.

this time is a little bit different ,here the story:

everything began with a mail , a special offer from a website I used to went, they offer me an incredible voucher, 2 hours of private live show (the things is its been several months I didn't went there, (for the record I never have an intercourse with a real girl and this was the more realitic I experienced ).

I know I shouldn't read this mail but...I did.

and without thinking I paid it (I have every number of my credit card in my head).

then I thought about it .

what I have done !? with this I coukd make an hundred of avero ! the fall gonna be endless or at least one month!! I can't endure that .Then the "crazy though" came:its ok you already fall! shut off your conscience its gonna be awesome! you will try later ! you resist the last week ,its a cycle :one week you resist one week you fall.its ok ! dont push yourself so hard ! be happy of the last victory week ! STOP THINKING AND DO IT ! I sai do it ! you have already fall ! you falls ! it doesn't matter how many times you fall ! who care ? its over ! OVER !!

you knew at the second you opened the mail, what will happen, you already decide to fall,dont try to be a what you are not.you are not a fighter , just a loser...

cry about yourself but do it .its finish for this week.
It's done.