Hi all last night I fell for the umpteenth time, being around this place is allways comforting, but I really need a plan (I restarted reading the handbook but that won't be enough)

Have you shared your problem with anyone? You have not written much here.

I agree with you that you need a plan.

What plans are you considering?

Not really having a real plan, maybe going to a meeting,(I have a partner whome I called a few times before i fell helped me to stretch out time between falls but I still fell).

And to add a litle history strugling with this thing for a long time basicaly P**n or fantasies then mas**ting over Yum Tov it started to creep into my mind then after Yomtov espesialy after I came back to work and sitting on the internet (with a secure filter) the real blow happened.

Brother wrote:


So you need to plan your plan. It might take some time until you tweek it to work for you but some plan is always better than no plan.

Eli

All right bro, until you develop your own plan you can borrow mine:

1. Aggressive, uncompromising shmiras eynayim in all settings. No females, tznius or otherwise. Not even faces. Not even ugly ones. This includes newspaper ads, etc.

2. Immediate, relentless verbal surrender of any intrusive fantasies or mental images to Hashem.

3. Study the 12 steps and start implementing them. Do something for your sobriety every day.

4. Add a tefillah in every (weekday) Shmona Esrei asking Hashem to help you guard your personal kedusha.

5. Keep busy with constructive things. Boredom is poison. Resentment is also poison. Stress can be poison for some.

6. Talk to real people -- about this and about life. Spend time face to face with friends.

7. Exercise regularly and vigorously.

8. Have a regular bed time and wake-up time. Don't sleep too much Shabbos afternoon.

9. Take it one day at a time. You're never asked to do more.

10. Learn b'chavrusa, preferably first thing in the morning before davening. I guarantee you'll be ready for bed (as in sleep) at bedtime

Great list AE! But you only have 10 steps .

Have a wonderful shabbos!

Great plan alexeliezer! I will not borrow - but keep your plan! (Printed a small version for my back pocket)

About step 3: Does studying the 12 steps make sense, even if you haven't been part of sa group - or is it only for veterans-review?

Welcome Holy Brother!!
maybe try reminding yourself how badly you want to not act out again before making your plan, it will likely let you decide to do much more rash things than if you would just do it out of resentment
and to my rebbe R' AE that is an amzazing list!!!!
But i also have Avrom's question, for those of us who aren't addicts just strugglers, at least on dov's lisst, are the twelve steps,um needed, for lack of a better worf?
and i doubt that it would be number 3 on the list, maybe an extra credit at the end.

I am an addict for sure. Have been one for well over 30 years.
I was able to break free by applying the 12 steps in my own way, with my own understanding, by reading about them and what Dov and others have written about them.

For me, success has been based on
1. a firm commitment to sobriety -- this means relentless and aggressive avoidance of anything that gets my lust going (a very long list )
2. davening to Hashem constantly for assistance. Bringing Hashem into the struggle is critical for us.
3. generally living the best life I can live, working on improving my middos and relationships, and working on being a giver, not a taker (Kuntress Hachesed, or Discourse on Lovingkindness in English [ Michtav M'Eliyahu / Strive for Truth! ] by Rav Dessler is required reading for any addict in recovery)

Pidaini -- I can't answer your question. I only know what works for me, and I'm an addict. If you're not an addict, then step one of the 12 steps doesn't apply to you.

Wow thanks alexeliezer for this post and for sharing your list, here is my list.
alexeliezer wrote:


And it's defenitely an addiction here it just defenitely FEEEEELS like it

Hi does anyone know how I can sign up to recieve the Daily excerpts from the
GYE Handbook? I want to sign up.

If you are referring to the chizuk emails, try this link:

visitor.r20.constantcontact.com/manage/optin/ea?v=001f-KEXzn5tO1227ZILuTYfMzFGz723jftn5aB87ryfV2xHrgcVSHX56slg4Jt3SgsvDHiUX4j9Jl_h2J1lC3oYKcPFjpHlwD0ae3VzLjAhGpZwgAxQ6foRDQyhxP8Z5B7zuhsN2fqUcypnpkX1Ro96H8vgL5_61c9

Thanks Eliezer