To be honest, right now I am at the point where any amount of davening will help. Ofcourse I am
Not davening that the yetzer will
Diminish just that I should be clean today and for Hashem to help me cause I know I can't "beat" the yetzer

Obviously you can't just daven and hope that by miracle things will change. These things take a lifetime of hard work. But you need both in order to grow!!

i have found that davening for tools helps. for example i thought getting a connection with some1 who has ssa would help.so i davened that i should meet some1 who has ssa that i could talk with. lo and behold that happened and it really helped.

dms1234 wrote:



i find it quite depressing to use the term delay the inevitable. do you really feel that way?
do you think everyone should feel that way?
is this just another way of saying "one day at a time" (this is from the aseres hadibros!)?

I feel the need to point out that this forum caters to both addicts and non-addicts. What works for an addict does not work for a non-addict and vice-versa. So it would be terrible for an addict to listen to the advice of a non-addict and yes, delay the inevitable.

I listened to much advice from non-addicts for 2 years and the term 'delayed the inevitable' would be a perfect summary of what the result of that was.

cordnoy wrote:


Who would that have been?

I am very sorry, i didnt mean it like that. If one of us (i am certainly an addict) is in the heat of a lust attack, it is good to delay a fall, meaning don't fall right away. Hopefully by reaching out and speaking to Hashem, we won't have that falling feeling.

BUT! I think that if i just have a conversation with myself then it may be delaying the inevitable. Ofcourse we can always choose no but it becomes so much harder.. Thats why reaching out and speaking to Hashem are invaluable during those pressing times

One day at a time, for me, means concentrating on life only for today. That includes recovery and being clean. Really, i can only do today. I cant do tomorrow. Tomorrow hasn't come yet. I can think about doing tomorrow but why would i do that today. Its pointless.

So one day at a time means doing what i can about my situation now, in the parameters of the 24 hours that i am currently experiencing.

I am learning that it doesn't matter what my will is even if my will is really frum. Only Hashem's will matters. Yesterday, i learned this because i missed a train and a bus so i would be late to mincha. We have a hard time with mincha minyan so i wanted to make it just in case we were close. Also i wanted to daven and be on time. I texted my mentor and he said its Hashem's plan. I am not supposed to be on time to mincha i guess. So i accepted it and tried to get their as fast i could. It ended up being that i was the 10th guy so there was no minyan for mincha but their was for maariv! Its a little disappointing but that wasn't Hashem's plan. Atleast i went and didnt go home!

Also, i got sick but i thought i was getting better over the past couple days. I woke up today and felt terrible. So I'm not sure whats going to be for YK. I may not be able to go to shul or even fast. But whatever happens, happens. Its up to Hashem and not up to be. His will not mine!

I guess i accept. I accept his will. Whatever happens in my life, i know its for the best. I just gotta run with it and smile. Deep breath and smile. Everything is ok. Life is good. The universe isn't all about dms123456789. I am not at the centre. Sometimes Hashem has different plans for me and thats ok because He is the Boss. I am not. I accept it! He not me!

I hear you. I'm new. Here. And wondering wat people do wen feels impossible

how was y"k dms? were you sick?

YK was really good! I was sick and i ended up only going to shul for minch/neilah. BUTT i really worked on accepting Hashem's will. I spoke with Dov friday and he really opened my eyes to what recovery should be or at least the core of recovery. The core of recovery, from my understanding, is SUBMITTING TO HASHEM'S WILL. Accepting Hashem's plans i think. Sometimes Hashem has different plans than me and i have to accept that and tell my self that it is for the best.

I thought recovery had 2 aspects: preventing and fixing. Preventing is guarding our eyes, filters, tapsics etc. Fixing is working the underlying issues: depression, perfectionism, loneliness. etc.

But i completely forgot about Hashem! I have seen much progress in the past 9 months but i haven't done too much interms of accepting Hashem's will. I have done a bit of work in saying that "everything is for the best." it has really helped in relieving my stress but i think it is time to notch it up a level.

The core of recovery is about accepting Hashem's will. He runs the world not me. My Rabbi says we usually say: "how does God fit into my plan?" Really, its the other way around. We are not at the centre of the universe, Hashem is. We should be asking: "How do I fit into God's plan."

This is very encouraging as we recognize that Hashem has a job for us to do and he believes we can do it! In turn we have to accept Hashem's plan. There is no running away from it. I realized this a couple days ago when i wanted to catch mincha. It wasn't Hashem's will so i have to accept it and make the best of it.

Now keep in mind I have to speak with Dov for more and i don't exactly wish to have a philosophical discussion on free will. All i know is I must accept Hashem and his will/plans for me.

For me as well, true recovery only began when i started to completely submit myself and all my fantasies and lusting to Hashem.

Hello everyone!

Life is interesting. Very interesting. I have been lusting over the past few days but i patched up the problem BH. I am getting accountability software. It doesn't solve my problem but i think its a really good idea.

Thats protection, in terms of recovery, well i need to speak to Hashem more, like always. I am trying to internalize Hashem's way not my way. Sukkos is the perfect holiday for that as we leave our houses and sit in huts, reminding ourselves who is REALLY protecting us, helping us, saving us etc. I know Hashem loves me. He has given me much time. I have 24 hours in a day and i keep wasting it. Like yesterday and today. I know i am too hard on myself so i will try to ease off and take a nice loooooooong deep breath. Going to move on now, and try do get some work done! I don't want to procrastinate. It doesnt help me. It just makes me feel worse just like lust!

I am a firm believer in our ability to change. Half the day hasn't been so good, but there is no reason why i cant make the next half of the day turn out better. Of course the results are up to Hashem but i have to try my hardest and do my hishtadlus. In the end, though, how i am feeling is up to me. I can sit and pout or i can jump for joy and relax, realized that Hashem is the Master of the world and does everything for the best.

Why cant there be a deep breath smiley?

If i could thank you twice i would. Every point you made was right on target for me as i felt the pull of lusting yesterday and today but am committed to not giving in. Gotta take that deep breath.