startrekuser wrote:


Shivisi Responds:

Startrekuser: It's great that you found what works to distract you from the women at the gym. it's really amazing that even though, as you say "they are - dressing to attract the eyes of men like me" You use exactly that as your protection tool, thinking of them as your adversary/enemy etc.

But, without taking away from the admiration of your standing up against such a strong temptation, I must bring to your attention the words of the Talmud which have taught us that if one goes to a place where there are inappropriately dressed women, if he has another option, then even if he closes his eyes he is considered to be a "Rasha" (wicked person). This is because he is putting himself in the position of setting himself up to the temptation of sinning. Others explain this to mean, that since, even while closing his eyes, he is probably concentrating on their image, which he "does not want to see", he is still transgressing the sin of keeping impure images in his mind.

I have heard from a great Rav, Rabbi Shimshon Pincus, that if one withstands the temptation of looking at impure sights he merits the right to be able to ask any prayer from Hashem at that moment, and he has a great chance of his prayers being answered. So like I said, your resistance not to fall into the trap of these women is an amazing wonderful accomplishment,
Yet, this is as long as he tries his best to keep away from such situations.Therefore it is extremely imperative that you do whatever it takes to get yourself away from that temptation, try to find either an all men gym, or a gym with separate men's hours. By doing this, even if it is somewhat (or even very) inconvenient, you will be showing Hashem that you really mean to go the extra mile, to stay pure, and thus he will stretch out His hand and bless you with everything you ask for, both in your struggle with these issues, and with your efforts in building up the quality of your marriage etc. and giving you a truly wholesome life!
Keep up the great work, and keep aiming higher!!
You have all the qualities of being a true great winner!!!

I agree with Shivis-a mixed gender gym is probably as halachically problematic as mixedn swimming, and is undeoubtedly a huge trigger factor.

I feel that our old tactics come to haunt us when we are in recovery, atleast for me. Our addiction is in our head and also when we want to recover. When we would lust, the girls were in our head. For some of us, we wanted girls but we could only dream. We never acted (which turned out to be good B"H)

Unfortunately, the same problem carries over into recovery. We say we will get better,that we will stop but we don't actually DO anything. We don't take any steps in recovery.

So, lets change. Lets actually recover and not think about it. Get a filter, post on the forum, chat with someone, read the handbook, join a call. ANYTHING. Lets just take a step. Not 20. Do one thing: right now! One step will bring us closer. Don't say its easier said than done. I used to but did it help? NO! So throw that saying out. Just concentrate on TODAY and on taking one step.

I would just like to say LIFE IS AMAZING.

A friend just got engaged. Another married. A couple friends' babies being born soon
One of my friends is going to Yeshiva!!! (I'm so jealous) One of my friends got in a car accident but he's recovering very well!!!!!

And I am doing well too! School is tough but i am managing and doing much better. Learning is going well. My GYE network is growing and the guys that i am connected with are amazing. I love them so much. They are helping me a lot.

So: LIFE IS GREAT!!! Baruch Hashem!

Enjoy the good spirits and stock up on 'em for when you're feeling down.

gevaldiggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

B"H Life is going great. It is tough but i have come to see, i don't need lust to survive. I am actually living life instead of trying not to lust. I thought of a great Mashal to this today: imagine you have a vase thats full of junky water. Not only do you need to take out the old water but you also need to put in new water so the plant will live.

We are vessels of junky water but we can't just take this junky water out. Then we will be an empty vessel. We need to fill ourselves with fresh, clean water. We need to "get a life" or rather live life. This means actually face our problems and not run away from them and head right to beautiful looking…

This starts with one nice baby step. What can we do today? How can we live today? The past is gone and the future is irrelevant. TODAY is what we need to concentrate on.

The metzora brought two birds, one was killed, one was set free. When we do teshuva and "kill" our bad habits, we must also set a different part of us free...

Been doing very well. Classes are done, I have a big essay due and a couple exams left. Its a very intimidating essay but i am just going step by step and thank God i have picked a very interesting topic which is helping me actually do it!!

A couple days a go my father said lets eat dinner by the TV! Of course what he picked was not in the confines of the neder that i made to not watch movies or TV. So i was stuck. But guess what? I pulled out my phone and read the chizzuk email!! WIN!!!! Thank God!!!

On a side note i was speaking with a guy on GYE and i said YAYAYAYAYAY. I realized that the Y's represent people and the A represents addiction. The way that we overcome the A is to reach out to other people. pretty cheesy but i figured it was worth sharing.

I am about to post a thought that I am sure everyone has heard of, but i think its worth the reminder (ps, not sure who says this, but if someone could tell me that would be great)

When the Jews left Mitzrayim we were on the 49th level of impurity. Everyday for 49 days we shed off one level of impurity until we reached Matan Torah and then we reached the pinnacle of holiness as we all know.

The Jews NEEDED all 49 days. They couldn't go from the 49th level of impurity all in one day. They improved every day. from 49 to 48 to 47 to 46 and so. One day at a time!! They worked on themselves gradually and eventually came to Har Sinai to receive the Torah.

So to us, we are at the 49th level of tumah. Don't expect to be clean and sober and living in rainbows with unicorns just yet. We have spent much time in shmutz. We aren't just going to be lifted right out and saved by Hashem. We have to do our hishtadlus. Day by day, working our way out of the mess and then Hashem will help us.

So chill. Relax. Take it slow just like our ancestors did. One day at a time.

Maybe pick one thing (not 10, just one) to work on that could help you in recovery. Perhaps reach out in the chat bar below? Put a filter on, wake up for shacharis. One thing!! Whatever works for you!

FREEDOM

something really crazy happened in my life, i don't want to elaborate. But something happened that allows me to taste TRUE FREEDOM. I can now BREATHE!!!!!!! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY RECOVER.

I was having a setback because of an obstacle that was in my way and HASHEM removed the obstacle. WAHOOOOOOO!!!!!!

and even more so if Hashem would have removed this obstacle several months ago, i would have been devastated so the fact that he moved it now, worked really well.

BARUCH HASHEM AND LETS KEEP TRUCKING!!!!!!

I got very excited when a similar thing happened to me.
It's not a big deal, another obstacle is sure to come along.
Enjoy the freedom while you're at it.

Ouch, How pessimistic!!!! i like to look at things from the present and not worry too much about the future (and future obstacles)

So, right now, I am going to enjoy my freedom, (we did just get liberated from egypt right?

Point taken

DONE!!! EXAMS OVER!!! SCHOOL FINISHED! WAHOOOOOOOO!

It was a good semester. I don't think I got A+'s but whatver I showed improvemt, growth and progress. I'm coming along nicely!! Thank God

This semester I learned that I am not bound by my emotions, my past or the yezter. I am not bound!! THATS THE BIG CHIDDUSH!!!! We can make choices. We can decide! Should I be doing this right now??

I am not a slave to lust!!!! I can be free! I am free! I can decide AND I can act! I am not trapped.

Baruch HaShem shelo asani eved!!!

Thank God that I am not a slave.

FREEEDOM!!!

TZ...Life is the moment before us.

b'hatzlachah