Hi I've been reading now for over a week, and I'm finally plucking up the courage to say hello. I don't consider myself an addict but after having read some stories Q&A and the Forum's I see, that some of what I do is very similar.
Having said that, I am certainly not looking at bad stuff every day, I have stopped for fairly long periods, then fallen again. I have never really analysed my "trigers", feeling down is probably one. I don't have a problem with זרע לבטלה, especially since my wedding and for a few years before hand. (except one accident couple of years ago) I just like watching bad stuff, but not of the worse kind. Movies are a particular downfall.
I'm not doing this because I want to do anything with anyone else C'V, just I suppose the Y"H gets me. However if I look back over the years, this thing pops up every so often, and yes at times I have really followed my Y"h and done some things (looked at things) that I am ashamed of.
By the way it been no real porn for 10 days, I don't feel proud of this as like I say, I still can't say that I am an addict, I will admit however that in this area the Y"H has entrapped me in the past and could well do so in the future, and he knows how to "get me." It would be nice to know that after all these years I may actually do something to fight against the Y"h in a significant way. All the reading and the visits to GYE are already helping I think.
Thanks for reading.

Hi Israel,
You don't need to be an addict to gain from this Forum. This is the place to break free from the bad habits that you've built up over the years looking at things you don't want to be looking at.
I haven't looked at bad stuff for 66 days, as you can see over here. You can sign up for the Chart over here.

Hatzlacha.

Like Blind Begger said, you don't have to be an addict to be helped here. Breaking free of bad habits is hard too, but easier when you have a community you can relate to. So good luck on your journey

If you know that the Y"H can and will trap you against your will in the future, and there is nothing to do to stop him, that means he is stronger than you and you are rather powerless to fight him because he will win. Now, if you cannot choose to stop and will continue to act out the lust that we all feel so strongly, chances are that it will catch up to you eventually, because the Y"H only wants more and more, not less and less. It's like any drug that we need progressively large doses to reach the desired effect, whatever that may be.

And to increase doses of lust means to need porn more and more (both in quality and quantity), and then it'll probably go to live women and all sorts of exiting stuff. And then eventually our lives our ruined and we may even die.

It's really tough to admit this, I've been clean in SA for almost 4 months and I still feel most of the time that if I continue all my life without having sex with a woman who is skinnier and prettier than my wife that I will surely die, but little by little it's sinking in that I am sick and maybe even an addict, whatever that may mean.

I love to advise people and say all sorts of smart things and feel that I am so powerfull and in charge of the world, just so you'll know where all my sage advice on the precise nature or addictions is coming from.

All the best!!!!

Oh, and Welcome.....

Thanks for taking the time to welcome me.

I can work with that definition, of a bad habit, even the bad habit of a lifetime, which I want to get rid of.
Not so sure about Chaimcharlie, as I do have gedarim, like I've mentioned before I haven't taken it further, from erotic movies and don't intend to, there is my נקודת הבחירה. Rav Miller talkes about this.
I've signed up for the 90 days, בעזרת השם I'll make it.

Well I don't have gedarim and I am an addict, and addicts are lonely people, so maybe that's why I wanted you to be an addict too so that I'd have more company.
But that's pretty selfish of me, so if it's just a habit then great!!!!

Thanks I wish you all the best, and hope you move your Nekudas Habechira ever higher.

I hope you are not an addict, sincerely doubt you are an addict, and wish you the very best one day at a time in your journey, chaver!

If you are an addict, you will know it because nothing will work.

And BTW, I think the 90 days will be torture (and useless for your future) if you see them as "90 days". Consider seeing each day as today...which of course, it is! Otherwise, what will happen after 90 days? And if you think that "I can think about 'after 90 days' after the 90 days is up...then why not start thinking about tomorrow after today is up? Simple.

One day at a time is just reality, that's all.

Rashi on Sh'mos 19:1. It's not a cute vort or great mussar schmooze. It's just reality.

Yes thanks I get that, one day at a time. It is helping.

But what to do after the 90 days? Start again, one day at a time.

Thanks for telling me I'm not an addict, I hope so too, I don't want to be.
Thing is if I replayed my life up till this point you'd see me watching (soft) porn, stopping, few weeks later watching some more, stopping, and so on. The trying to stop hasn't been very heavy not more that some sefarim, a yom kippur etc. GYE is my way of stepping it up a gear.
I have this view on smoking/drinking. Drink, of course I'm not an alcoholic so of course I can have a whiskey or two at a Kiddush, and maybe a beer or two over the summer. I don't get drunk except on Purim. That's fine.
Smoking, I am not a smoker, but I can't see my self not smoking for the rest
of my life, this is worse for health reasons. I do every year go through about five packs or so, I have certain triggers that will get me to smoke, e.g extra stress, but then I'll not have another pack for another 9 months. I had a roommate in yeshiva who said he treats smoking like drinking, from time to time he have a smoke like from time to time he have a drink. Is this acceptable?
Now I think i may have a similar (but worse) relationship to porn, I can't see myself never ever seeing a bad movie ever again. But here of course it's an עבירה, not like drinking which is fine, or even the odd cig, which is questionable. But the odd porn movie is OUT it ain't no good, this idea don't exist. So therefore it has to stop.
I know you'll tell me I shouldn't say I'll never watch again, this doesn't work, but one day at a time does. This is something I'm trying to learn.

Israel

I hope you don't "start again" after the 90 days , rather just continue like before, one day at a time. Day 91 is exactly the same as day 89, day 2, day 10, and even day 3485.

90 days is not a goal, it's just a milestone, we use it as a measure of progress but that's all it is. And at some point we don't bother counting anymore. ( I'm close to 300 days but I'm not there yet).

Meanwhile continued hatzlacha each and every day!

just keep counting the days. that's what has kept me smoke free for 23 years.

698 days ago I could not have said I will never masturbate again. Now I'm not so sure. Hashem has helped me this far. I don't know what is going to happen in the next 5 minutes but I am a different person now than I was 2 years ago.