This is how I feel right now at the moment.
I love honesty so..
I feel like nomatter what i do and try I will never reach my full potential because I lost my tennage years to mast***n. There will always be someone who is better than me and has more fun in life than me. haha. after 4 days clean i still fell like a loser even thos im 21. The only thing I live for is Ultimate Greatness, I know its too much to ask for. But we only live one right? haha. I feel like everyone is better than me, and this extreme comes from being lustful for so long, anyway this was just a honest answer. thank you for reading.

Haha my life is not peachy.
I would hate to have to fall again, because I would feel sick for like 3 days after, at a level of insanity and hysteria where I have zero cares about the world. But than all my friends and family start calling me weird so I tell myself I will never mastur*** again.
Why do I need to hit the Nuclear Reset Button just to realize that I need to stay clean? IDK but sounds like bipolar disorder to me, G-d forbid. I would like to remain clean without having to hit that button. 6 days clean, so far. Are the benefits getting better and better in the future or not?

Hey guys,

So this far I have had 10 clean days and I'm on my 11th. I feel so much more confident and energetic. A lot of guilt has disappeared but I would love to complete the 90 day challenge and experiment the cleanliness than. I expect to have even more confidence and be more self-assured as I go through this journey daily. One thing I have noticed is that I might be little more overwhelmed.

I saw this video on YouTube where this YouTuber took the 90 day challenge on himself and made it on his first try. One thing that helped him, he said was that he made a video about it admitting that he will take on the challenge. He said that because the video had like 30,000 views on it he couldn't give up on those people.
With this I was wondering if my anonymity makes it harder for me to kee[ my word. I was thinking maybe it is better to not be as anonymous. what do you guys think? do you always keep it anonymous?

It helped me to connect to others which means i become less confidential which is great and a valuable step. But i think it comes to a point where i became good friends with people where i know there real names. Some guys here, I am practically best friends with so in time, as our relationship develops, there is no need for being anonoymous

I would start by reaching out to others here at GYE. Begin there and see where it leads.

90 days is great, but it is not magic. Sometimes making it THE goal is not helpful.

Reaching out to people for support is helpful. The more real the help, the better. Phone is better than forum. In person is better than on the phone.

Opening up to real people is possibly the single most powerful step you can take towards recovery. Much more powerful than 90 days. Just ask the chevra here.

Joenoa wrote:


Shivisi responds:
First of all kudos for the honesty and being so open!
Friend, I got some good news for you - Your mission isn't to be better than anyone else!
You want "Ultimate greatnes?? SURE! Go for it!! Nope, It is NOT too much to ask for!
But you wont get there as long as you're aiming for the wrong target.
You gotta aim for YOUR ultimate greatness! when [Yup I said WHEN not if] you start doing what YOU are supposed to be doing, and strive for reaching YOUR full potential, That's Ultimate greatness!!
Think of it as a driving experiane, Do you want to get to where the other guy needs to get to, or do you want to reach YOUR destination???
But there's one difference, in driving if you spent the first part of your trip heading down the wrong highway, you were wasting your time, But on this trip, once you set your GPS and start heading in the right direction, you get mileage credit even for the miles that were NOT going there, because ALL the miles become part of your "Ultimate Growth trip". All your falls will then be milestones along your route toward YOUR Ultimate growth.
So like you said "You only live once"! so rev up that engine and start rolling full speed toward Your ultimate growth Destination!
and in GYE lingo: KOT!!!!

gibbor120,
thanks for your post.
That would be great if opening to a real person helps more than the 90 day challenge. And yea, lately I've been spending too much time in isolation. I feel like my original thoughts and desire to be clean will go away, G-d forbid.

thanks shivisi,

Great post and I agree with most of it. I think the key is to "find yourself." and I guess that's what I'm trying to do. Also, I've come to realize that its best to live life with friends and family, while being honest and vulnerable at times, which is the only way to create connections. I wish I had known that hiding the truth only hurts me more.

Hello everyone,
I just have a little update just to share what’s happening with me at the moment and where I’m at.
So I have 17 days clean now from physical lust but I also realize how important to get away from mental lust as well. I will work on that by putting more effort.
I also just bought the paperback copy of the GYE handbook and I’m looking forward to reading it.
I’m thinking about opening up to some of my friends about how mast***** affects them and what they think about it. Hopefully it goes fine so I can share that I try to stay clean. I realize that opening to real people and being a little more vulnerable will definitively help.
If anyone wants to Google Chat with me at any time, I would like to share and learn from others, and support with anything that I can. Email me or add me to Google Chat.
Thanks, be well!

18 days clean, but unfortunately getting a little bit tensed.

How do you guys take one day at a time?
What's the mentality behind it?

Great question.

For me, it just looking at today. Whatever happened to the past doesn't matter and the future is irrelevant. What is happening today? What can i do today to further my recovery?

This works for everything in our lives: family, school, work, learning etc

DMS1234, Great post dude thanks.

Could you expand on why the past doesn't matter and how the future is irrelevant? I realize that we need to get the most out of the present moment, and once we do that I'm sure we will live more fully. We need to feel the fullness of the present moment is a way

in short the idea of living in the moment is because thats the only thing thats really in our control what was isnt now and what will be for sure not so lets make the best of what we can which is present

ok so lets keep on living one day at a time

Clean for 23 days. Feeling proud of myself. I'm happy that I've came this far. I know it seems like a great accomplishment, unfortunately. I am able to be more honest with friends and family. I wish I could develop the skill of being true to myself and speaking my mind or truly expressing my feelings. I learned that this is a great way to live in the present moment, because being true to your feelings and emotions basically means letting go and letting G-d take control. What do you guys think? Do you guys express yourself honestly or do you fake your feelings to be a "good' person, or to conform to society.

So what do you do about it? just continue to be fake?