I am here, struggling with my Y"H as always. Going so so.

Ataglance,

Again I will make the disclaimer I always make. I am a newbie and a novice. But just to stick in my two senses.

Rome wasn't built in one night. As long as you are still struggling and not giving up you are on the right track. Yes I know us addicts are not suppose to white knuckle. We are suppose to just feel powerless and surrender. But my feeling is that white knukcling is a start.

(It should not be the ultimate goal. But we must be willing to fight while surrender at the same time. Sounds like an oxymoron? Not really. Fighting is what gives me the will power and realization that I am powerless.)

As a jew we for sure know that fighting the lust even for second brings us tremeoundous rewards. So for just staying in the game you are great. I know we can't look at this from just a jewish perspective. We have to look at it from an unmangeable perspective. But I think its interwined with judiasm. If I weren't jewish my life probably would not be so unmangeable. After all I would prob just stay single and lust out half the day!

Bottom line hold on tight and continue the battle.

B"H I had a very positive experience last night. I was in a situation where it would have been perfect for me to go to a tavern and engage in my negative behaviors. I was really really having a hrad time fighting the urge. So I went on GYE, and put out a message to ask for strength for this specific urgent situation. Instead, I ended up reading my earlier posts and said to myself...do I want to go through this again???? I could not believe what I had written the "day after". So B"H, I got in my car, and went home. Went to Mincha Maariv came home and went to bed shortly after. No waking up full of tumah and guilt. A samll victory, but a good one.

I did notice something very intersting, though. I did not go home and have a drink, or even crave one. What I was craving was teh experience of going out to a bar, and all the schmutz that it entails. This tells me that this is not a substance issue, but an emotional issue completely. And I will be very honest, I missed not going out, I craved it terribly and felt like I was missing out on something by not going out to a bar. I was missing out, but taht is for the good. So, B"H since Rosh Chodesh Elul I have not gone out to a tavern, period. I hope with Hashem's help, that I can stay out for all of Elul, and for the Aseress Yamei Teshuvah, and G-d willing through Simchas Torah. I thanked Hashem profusely last night for giving me the tools to fight my Yetzer Hora. I can daven as much as I like to aks Hashem to REMOVE my Yester Hora but that will neve happen. What I need to daven for is hte strength and tools to FIGHT my Yetzer Hora. So, to sum up, GYE was a tremendous help last night, if only that I read my past posts and did not want to go there again. Is there some sort of "hotline" though that we can call when we feel we are going ot go over the edge...I could have used some support last night, but in reality, I got plenty of support by reading the posts from some very caring and truly concerend people so Yasher Koach to you all.

atalagnace,

Good job I share your struggle and kniw ow hard it is. How about finding something else enjoyable to do. We all need outlets. After all if your choice is minch mariv verse the bar you'll probably choose the bar next time around. But if its say the bar or nice basketball game well you can have fun playing a game of basketball too.

As a side note some will say oh your whole outlook of a fight is wrong. We need to feel powerless and surrender not fight. Thats true if we fight our whole life we will loose. but it starts with fighting and then we surrender. So great start and don't give up. Its tough.

Bump

YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Jan 2021 15:45:

@Yeshivaguy Thank you for finding these gems buried in the forum. This thread is truly amazing. I just hope I take the practical lessons out of it and not just the good read.

So much to learn, good and bad. Let's have it setting the bar higher, not lowering the bottom.

Grant400 wrote on 26 Jan 2021 14:57:

Maskim 1000%!

So much to learn, good and bad. Let's have it setting the bar higher, not lowering the bottom.What do you mean?

My understanding is he’s saying that one shouldn’t say that as long as we aren’t going to zonas and “just” doing porn etc then it’s not so bad.
But rather this should push us to strive towards a life of elevated Kedusha.

And I’m personally Maskim 1000%!

I hear that.
I didn't take it like that at all but that may be because I identified more with the struggles mentioned here... Long story

Lou wrote on 26 Jan 2021 20:32:

No judgments buddy, all g

Just to clarify,I meant that I identify with the struggles but not necessarily with the exact actions mentioned....

Wow seriously thank you. I totally needed chizuk today and this thread really helped!