Edge,
Take the test, sa.org , i know it is around here also but the only thing i am good at on the computer is accessing p*&^ and defeating filters. If you score low, SA may not be right for you. If i remember i scored 12 or 13 out of 20 and SA has been very helpful in my recovery.

BTW, most of us around here i think, and for sure me, have never had relations with any one besides the wife and ourselves. i am no less the addict than someone who has though. An alcoholic who only drinks beer has the same addiction as the alcoholic who only drinks 190 proof corn whiskey.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

Edge - I totally agree with ChaimYakov. That is most likely your addict saying - I don't really need SA . . . here is the SA test below for anyone interested.
BTW - I will not have PC access for about 2 weeks - so I'll miss you guys, and hope to hear and report good news when I can next post!
Keep on taking Recovery Hishtadlus! Be matzliach!!
Have2changeNOW


Test Yourself (from Sexaholics Anonymous website)

1. Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior?
2. That you'd be better off if you didn't keep “giving in”?
3. That sex or stimuli are controlling you?
4. Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?
5. Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can't cope?
6. Do you feel guilt, remorse or depression afterward?
7. Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?
8. Does it interfere with relations with your spouse?
9. Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?
10. Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes the overtures or sex is offered?
11. Do you keep going from one “relationship” or lover to another?
12. Do you feel the “right relationship” would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?
13. Do you have a destructive need—a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?
14. Does pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?
15. Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?
16. Do you lose time from work for it?
17. Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?
18. Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?
19. Although your spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with others?
20. Have you ever been arrested for a sex-related offense?

SA Literature © 1982, 1984, 1989, 2001.
Reprinted with permission of SA Literature.

Goodness gracious, I just scored 19 on that. A few of them were just quite recently... in particular, #12, the newfound belief that I just need to find the one perfect massage place that is not explicitly sexual (so I can justify it) but more than just a massage so I can fantasize... i.e. the 'perfect' balance. I can't find it and it's driving me nuts and wasting time.

Also #9, I was having very nice intimate moments with wife, and then it wasn't enough and I started to think about inappropriate things, as if what I had wasn't good enough! So #9 just sprung up.

I've strangely fantasized about #20, being arrested, the only one on the list I haven't actually experienced. The fantasy is that the cops try to bust me for being in a massage place, but I know the law, there is nothing illegal about it, so I'd have a fun time with the cops admitting exactly what I was doing, and also that I was aware it was not good behavior but still it's legal.

One site suggested moving past Phase 1 fantasies and onto Stage 2, the consequences, the hurt to my wife and family (although maybe not my all my family since male family members I suspect are into the same behavior)...

long story short, I much appreciate these boards and realize i need to get back up from the fall... I'm embarassed to call me SA guide since I cancelled several meetings, and I'm resentful that he started his own meeting despite the fact that he's not even fully recovered! the blind leading the blind.

I'm also being harassed by my wife about choosing schools for our kids next year, the tuition bills are astronomical, the fear alone is enough to lead me to the demon's den...

18/20 for me
We will miss you H2CN! See you soon..!
I agree withe everyone else, that the addiction is just babbling on, ontheedgeman

I wasn't missing him! I got to meet him Motzoei Shabbat at the Kotel and we lomdoved in bava metzia for two hours- it was awesome!!!!!!

i scored 12!
but the real bugger for me is, i am big in number 9 which is very betraying to my wife and makes me feel shocking!

jewish wrote on 03 May 2012 17:43:


So? I have been there, too, and so have many of us folks. You are so, so lucky that you can admit that. Don't belittle that gift! But being shocked will get you nowhere. What are we willing to do about it is all that matters. It may take weeks or months to learn to do differently. But it is so well worth it. What are you willing to start doing about it today, chabibi?

DOV!!!??? IS THAT YOU??!!!

He's BAAAAAAAAACCKKKKK!!!!!! ;D

And its not even Pesach Sheini!

Get over it.

dov wrote on 04 May 2012 13:19:

second shortest post in characters
third shortest in words
Dov, is this really you?

...

Very, very, interesting post.
I also received similar advice many years ago, and to some degree it has helped me survive my years of addiction intact.
However, I think that this is more of the approach before being addicted, and maybe also in the early stages. But after that although it may be the best surviving mechanism, it doesn't cure or even curb the advance of the addiction, then different (and maybe even opposite) steps are required.
In other words, you are discussing how to educate people to deal with lust, everything else on GYE is how to deal with [u] addiction[u] to lust. Addiction to lust is much like addiction to alchohol and heroin, it's not the specific pleasure but that which it controls me.
At least thats my opinion on the matter, but ע' פנים לתורה.

Hello Holy Chevra

Good to be back on the Forum!! I have PC access off and on for a few days at temporary office setup. Before I get into the bigger news - and once again seek advice from the GYE sages - let me say that my absence from the Forum due to lack of Internet access - I fear it has hurt my recovery. I really miss posting/reading/inter-acting here.

I just got caught up reading my posts - including those on my thread - and yes it was great to meet TehillimZugger in the shadow of the Kotel, and learn up a good sugya together!

So here's the quick and somewhat disappointing update. In Israel - I actually crossed the 90 days clean line, and I mean REALLY clean - no p*rn, no m*sturbating, kavalchomer no zonas for 90 DAYS which is unprecedented and nothing short of miraculous for me! Not even close to that in over 20 years!! But this talk of a brain change at 90 days - just isn't true! I don't know whyI believed that because I heard so much that we are addicts for life! Upon my return to the states last week, I was guarded since I have often fell after a spiritual high - including whenever I return from a great trip to Eretz Kedusha.

Att about day 100 - back in the states for 3-4 days - I starting to fall like iI haven't in the whole 3 month period prior. Looked at p*rn (but didn't m*sturbate), found some z*nah numbers but didn't visit - just called. Then after a few days - started to m*sturbate. Then 2 more days - went to massage parlor - and there I did my (old) habits to get the woman to go way beyond a simple hand happy ending. oh well. I'm kind of stunned, kind of bummed, but still the shining light of the TOTALLY CLEAN period is there - BUT I NEED GET BACK THERE!!!

I am going to a weekly SA meeting, makes some calls, but not sure if just more recovery hishtadlus is good enough. I'm focused on the right things for hours, and then all of sudden in the last few days - just quickly falling apart - with dire results! ANY SUGGESTIONS? ? ?

OK - that's all for now - i hope to have more access and to continue posting. really do miss all you guys!

Be Matzliach
Have2Change NOW - AGAIN!