Hi guys

I consider not looking at girls an impossible task.  can a lion desire a basket of straw? he can only desire meat. And your the same.  Not looking at the opposite sex is unnatural.

Please see these two pages:

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ44.asp

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ6.asp

Being a Jew is unnatural.  We are l'maiyla min hateva (beyond the laws of nature).  That's how we have survived without a homeland for millenia, while empires have risen and fallen.

After 30 years of gazing, I have been successful at not looking inappropriately at women for almost 3 years now.  Not once (without immediately averting my gaze).  I look only at my wife and daughters.  I look at women in a business setting as needed, but that's not what you're talking about.  So it can be done.  But it must be learned.

It is natural to have impulses.  But also within our nature is the ability to control our impulses, whatever they may be.  We can deny ourselves food, even go on a hunger strike.  We can train ourselves to stop breathing when we are underwater, even for many minutes.

We can certainly do this.

Welcome!

Alex

Hi Yeabe and welcome,

the question is a good one and kudos for asking.
you already got some really good answers to your question.

i would just add that looking at girls is just as much of a task.
unbridled lust, while enticing, ultimately leads to destruction, societal, individual, physical and of course spiritual.

wishing you the best
zs

WELCOME yeabe!  Here's the official welcome package.  There are lots of goodies in it.  Take a look at some of the material.

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
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I liken this forum to cats trying to become vegetarians.  what happens when a feline doesn't get enough meat? he gets sick. Just like you guys are becoming crazy because you have no wives and aren't allowed to touch any woman at all. 

yeabe wrote on 12 Jan 2012 05:57:

So you are here to tease the cats?

Don't......

what are you talking about that we have no wives.

some of us have seven!  :o

If there was a screening proccess before anyone was allowed to post here, it would probably make it harder for me to get on this forum. But it would also possibly prevent goofballs like this one from belching out every stupidity that enters his head.

yeabe wrote on 12 Jan 2012 05:57:
OK, you may have a point of some kind. I don't have any business arguing with any of your opinion. It's just that for the people here, being natural is not working, OK? Is it working for you?

It is so easy to criticize others, especially hiding behind a fake name. If you are so free to express your opinion about this site, then how about expressing the truth about yourself, also?

What problem are you having with your sexuality? Is there something bothering you about your behavior? Or is it only other people and their behavior that is bothering you?

If none, that's fine. Instead of attacking others, just have a nice day on your own, brother.

Adolf Hitler yamachsmo vezichro describes in his book miin kanf that a Jew is not normal. He goes against nature. Nature says to think with your arms. think with your legs. a jew say think with your mind. and because the jews are spreading their 'disease' (of thinking with your mind) into goyim etc etc lets not get carried away.

You see, the speciality of a Jew is even though we love something with our hearts, if our mind tells us the G-d doesnt want it even though we do we dont do that thing. that is being Jewish. Going against our wills and doing Hashem's will. You're right, we are a bunch of cats trying to become vegeterians. but this is our purpose. this is why we are on this world. We all have a will, emotions, opinions, etc. After all we live in this world. Being a Jew means transforming our very being and doing what G-d wants. Forgetting about our will, emotion, opinions, etc. G-d is all that matters. How to do that? You have to learn a little about the greatness of G-d (Rambam at the beginning of sefer hayad, tanya, Chasidic texts, etc), learn what it means to daven to G-d, etc.

there is a famous story of a holy yid who told an important person that 'you're whole purpose in life is to become a talking parrot. The important person looked at him like he was crazy.... explanatin: A bird by nature doesn't talk. If he talks its against his nature. so too, our purpose is to go against our nature. our nature is to have taivos. we have to go against our taivos. you see, yeabe, our whole purpose in life is to become a talking parrot.

This website is for those that for some reason or another never really took that seriously and now are making themselves better so we can all go back to yiddishkite and serving the Abeshter and truly becoming a 'talking parrot'.  :-*

Didn't read any posts for three days now. Not right now, either. It's the liberation I need right now to focus on taking a step back and letting go of some stuff, coming home for a while to rest.

Just to be polite to my sweet friends here, this is to report that b"H all is well but I am taking a break from the forum for a while to focus on my own recovery. I will be checking email for PMs, though. The forum is just too much time for me to handle time-wise, right now. Maybe for a few weeks, maybe a few months...no way to know, cuz it really is one day at a time. Love you!

Till then,

Dov

yeabe wrote on 11 Jan 2012 16:54:


yeabe wrote on 12 Jan 2012 05:57:


You obviously have never read The Tawny Scrawny Lion .  A deprived childhood can explain alot.

The Chofetz Chaim addresses a similar argument with respect to Loshon Hora:

ויש שסבתן הוא מצד היאוש. דהינו שהיצר מפתה אותם שאי אפשר לאיש מדיני כלל לעמד בזה, אם לא שיפרש לגמרי
מעדני העולם, וזה אי אפשר, ותולין את עצמן במאמר חז״ל וכלן בלשון הרע, על כן הם מתיאשין לגמרי משמירת זה הענין
ובאמת זוהי טעות גדולה דאם כן למה צותה התורה על זה בלא תעשה? הלא ידוע הוא, דאין הקדוש ברוך הוא
בא בטרוניא עם בריותיו, והוה לה להתורה לכתיב דבר זה רק בענין המדות, כמו שאר מדות קדושות, שנאמרות רק לאנשים יחידים שאם רק ישים עיניו ולבו על דרכיו
יוכל להזהר מזה וכדאיתא בספרי פרשת האזינו ״אל אמונה ואין עול" שלא ברא בני אדם להיות רשעים אלא להיות צדיקים


The gemara that the Chofetz Chaim quotes says רוב בגזל ומיעוט בעריות והכל בלשון הרע בלשון הרע. So what the Chofetz Chaim is writing applies with equal force to עריות  And as noted elsewhere the Chofetz Chaim is addressing here one who is הרגל בזה, וקשה לו מאד לפרש מעון זה

Much hatzlacha