Hey
Im a person who is 21 years old bochur from brooklyn. I am currently 16 days sober and having a real wave of depression.
Im trying to stay strong

I have struggled with masturbation and porn ( straight & gay ) for six long years

I want to be in integrity with myself and my sexuality.

I have worked on a lot of my issues through reparative therapy and different  experiencial workshops.  Thank God it has been over a year since the last time i acted out with another person

Growing up i had verbally and physically abusive parents, was molested for 5 years, no friends in ES and had numerous medical issues. Thank god i am still here and i realoze i am so much bigger than any of my circumstances and i dont have to be a victim.

No offense to any of the married folk but I DO NOT want to be in my 40s and married with kids and work on my lust.  I want to keep it real and when i am real and in my wellbeing my SSA is not existant

Thank you for reading, i am looking forward to your feed back

Welcome Stronger!

I am one of those married guys in his 40s that you don't want to be  :-\ :-[ .

You have gone through a lot of terrible experiences, and you have already done a ton of work on yourself. And you have a great attitude! You are so lucky to be getting a handle on this when you are young and single.

There are loads of resources here to work with. Read the handbook, get active on the forum, sign up for the emails, consider joining one of the phone groups. And we are all here to share, support, and just have a good time .

Hatzlacha, a Lechtige Chanuka, and Keep On Trucking!! (if you don't know what that means you'll find out soon enough  ;D )

Gevura!

P.S. If you're interested my story is here, maybe you've seen it already....
www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4125.0

And here's the "Official Welcome Package" with links to all the goodies...

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100

hey gvura,
first off i respect and commend you on your honesty and your vulnerability in your intro.
if i can make one comment that i find in my life it is not suppressing my fantasies that will heal me rather it is realizing my true core desires the "gold" if you will, inside those fantasies.  and the more that i am more secure in my own masculinity the less i am attracted.  white knuckling and suppression will only last so long, in my oppinion,  i need to learn what MY  real issue is , be it acceptance love being cared for etc.  and heal my self from a place of compassion for myself.  not a place of woe is me.

thank you so much for responding
and two workshops that i found EXTREMELY helpful

is the journey into manhood workshop - this is a non denominational workshop working on SSA and provides a pretty good support network it was after this weekend i ad finally released an intense amount of shame. the one chisaron is its with people of other faiths, though they dont push any of their beliefs on you (except inviting "your own HIGHER POwer"
the second organization that has brought more growth in my life than anything else is Call of the Shofar, this group of men come together for workshops to learn principles an on an expereiential cathartic level. principles grounded in torah and frum jewish men are together for three days working on themselves ( it is not SSA specific though i know many people that have attended and found this particular work very complementary to their own individual healing.
whew sorry for such a long one
have a great day

WELCOME stranger... er I mean stronger. Well don't be a stranger. Nice to meet you!  It sounds like you are on the right path.  We are here for you.  We are all in the same boat, different parts of the boat maybe, but the same boat nonetheless.   

Strongerthanyesterday wrote on 22 Dec 2011 15:13:


I have come to realize pretty much the same thing, "Sur Merah" is not enough, we need to work on "Aseh Tov", building up those parts of ourselves that are lacking and repairing the root causes that led us into this mess. I am working on being more social and making friends, and in general on having a more positive attitude about myself. It's going to be a long slow process, but I think it's already beginning to work a little. I find that i am not obsessing so much about the issue all the time, and i'm not fantasizing so much. But I still have a huge problem with triggers, and it affects me and makes me feel bad about myself, then i get "slippy" until I can get myself back into a better and more confident mood again.

I have read a lot of stuff on the JONAH and NARTH websites, and I just got Arthur's book. I can really see how the principles they explain can be applied to my life, and i am hoping that I can use it to grow out of this.

BTW here's another thread you might find interesting:
www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4612.0

All the best,
Gevura!

Today has been all right so far, i was triggered today and i had to be very clear to " not go there"
Hoping this peaceful thing carries me the rest of the day

Blessings

Im feeling really good and strong

I sort of want to have a "dream" that way i can relieve some pressure and not feel guilty

17 days and counting baruch hashem

i need help i AM very depressed these withdrawals are killing me

Welcome!
Fridays are lonely on GYE...but I'm happy to offer you my hand.
I just made two new friends in my SA group, both with SSA issues, and both happy and recovering and sober TODAY. That's all that matters.
When my withdrawal reached the depression stage, I wanted to kill myself, which would have been pretty stupid.
Stay around, stay sober...another day.
Mottel

Hi Stronger,

Based on my own experience, at 18 days you are probably just getting over the peak of the withdrawal. It is actually a physical reaction of the body, just like quitting smoking or drugs. When i stopped i was also pretty depressesd and even close to suicidal the first few weeks. I would wander the streets in a daze, crossing against the lights, almost daring G-d to send a car to take away the pain....

Hang in there, it will get better soon. And sharing definitely helps, so keep those posts coming!

Gevura!