NeiroYair wrote on 11 Jan 2012 05:21:

Are you doing anything, or just waiting for the right eitzah to pop into your thread and come to the rescue?  Have you read the handbooks?  Have you looked at any of the Dr Sorotzkin stuff on perfectionism? Here's the site www.drsorotzkin.com/ .  You can also just click on the 'planet Earth' image next to my profile.  I just created it as a link to his website.

Gibbor, your blunt words pierced through to my heart. The "world" has been pressed and I'm currently listening to the shiur on perfectionism. THANK YOU!

NeiroYair wrote on 11 Jan 2012 05:21:



I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAD THE ZECHUYA

TO KNOW OUR REBBE ZECHUSOI YAGEIN ALEINU

HE ALWAYS TAUGHT US

"FELL SHMELL KEEP ON TRUCKING"

WE ALSO HAD THE ZECHUYA

TO HEAR FROM HIM

"MY TRUCK AIN'T GOT NO REVERSE"

WE DON'T DWELL ON THE PAST

WE LIVE LIFE.

YOU HAVE A STORY

WE ALL HAVE A STORY

NOW WE DRIVE TRUCKS

THAT'S IT

want a muffin?

Hello NeiroYaer,

Unless I am mistaken, I don't think you got one of these welcome packets yet:

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

Hello NeiroYaer,

I read your story and especially identified with the part you wrote:

I'm emotional, need support, validation, etc. I don't trust my decisions because they've betrayed me time and time again.

For me, I think the most damage I have suffered from this addiction is that, in pursuit of lust, while living in fantasy instead of reality, I became completely disconnected from real people and real emotions.

A key for recovery I have found is, "increase your awareness of your perceptions and motives," which is something I learned from Duvid Chaim's 12-step phone conferences here.  Instead of struggling with lust, I have been able to take a few steps back.  I feel my struggle today is more about dealing with those emotions which compel me to lust, and finding healthy ways to deal with them.

I've written a bit about all this recently in my thread; feel free to drop by, you might find it helpful.

Wishing you lots of success,

Elyah

Hello everyone, I'm just starting to wet my feet on these forums. (I just started the thread "READY OR NOT HERE I COME!!!" on "introduce yourself").

Everyone is spoke about a "good outlet" earlier in this thread, like playing an instrument.....
When I was starting high school I started to play an instrument. I actually did it Lishmah because I was also the only one home (I’m the youngest) and my boredom “assisted” My addiction very much.  I B"H had amazing success playing and I always felt that I got a special siyata dishmaya because I was consciously doing it for a good cause. Music became a major part of my life. I played at quite a few weddings and probably a thousand kumzitzes and another thousand “jam sessions.”
Maybe I'm doing something wrong, but I still worsened my addiction as the years rolled by. And here I am at GYE! I’ll never really know, but maybe my addiction would be a lot worse had I not taken on other outlets.

My gut feeling is that outlets only help the situation when you are also working on the addiction properly through a program like GYE, which I'm now starting but otherwise the problem will still continually get worse.

NeiroYair wrote on 12 Jan 2012 04:52:

Sorry to be blunt.  Let me know how you like the shiurim.

Hamevakesh, no one is saying that having a hobby is a cure.  Just that, the more time you have filled with positive activities and are not idle, the better.

Hi there gibbor120 or anyone out there!

Does anyone know how to set up an accountability partner? I think I can use one. Also, is there any way to get started with the twelve steps? I think that all the groups are well underway already.

any suggestions?
Thanks

Also on a positive "note"
I heard a great vort once, that the beauty of music is always brought out by by the sruggle that the strings or the reeds etc. have going back and forth. When the the strings stop and the struggle ends, so does the beauty of the music!
This is just like our time on this world, what Hashem finds beautiful is when we struggle and fight to do his will and keep from doing aveiros. If the struggle wouldn't be there it would be like the music stopping! The music of our struggle for Hashem would be gone!

hashemavakesh wrote on 13 Jan 2012 00:32:


I have been on the Duvid Chaim calls and people have joined in even near the end of the cycle; they can manage to catch up, or at least get whatever they can and then fill in the missing pieces the next time around.

--Elyah

Thanks Elyah.

I listened in already to couple of the night calls (by Shlomo, I think) and I felt a little lost. I also couldn't get the courage to actually introduce myself in the group yet. Maybe some time soon.

hashemavakesh wrote on 12 Jan 2012 14:53:


It's especially tricky with this specific Yetzer Hara because the gratification is so 'instant' l'tza'areinu harav (to our great sorrow). So you could be productive and occupied 99 % of the time and then.......r"l.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 12 Jan 2012 14:23:


I'm on it. Thanks for your responses....

Sorry, but what was it called and what area of the forum is it in?