So how do you reach out to others so you can fill that loneliness with friendship?

Well, I don't know. I'll detail my story a little bit more later. Let's say that right now, I'm quite lonely. But the hardest is going without a girlfriend or a wife. It's very tough.

dear thump - dont be afraid to 'die'. when you 'die', you will really start to live.sounds strange, but it's true.

Dear Thump

I see you're dealing with a whole host of issues and I wish you the best of luck and that you get through each and every one of them.  You asked how you can pray to Hashem? Now I know you labeled yourself as "not a religious Jew" but few of us here fit any label anyway (Religious Jews arent supposed to have p&m issues, are they?)

So perhaps I can suggest that you stop by a religious book store and pick up a traditional Jewish prayer book (Siddur) with English translation if you need, and pray!

Who knows, maybe all your problems are just Hashem's way of getting your attention?

Thanks for your answers and support.

Jack could explain what you mean when you use the word "die". You don't mean to physically die, do you ? I guess you mean "to let go".....but taken a bit further ? Could you please elaborate ?

Me3 : I know that my problems are of a spiritual nature. But finally ALL of our problems have a spiritual source, don't they ? The question could be (I know, I'm not being very original here) : why me ? And how to fix them ?  Ok, we have all wondered I guess.
Thank you for your advice. In addition to the group work and the 12 steps work, I'm trying to figure out, what is the best way to pray.

dear thump, by 'die', i mean the withdrawal from any drug, including ours, feels like dying, because it's been our life for so many years.i obviously dont mean dying literally, you're right.the withdrawal, depending on how strong the addiction, can be torture - it mamash feels like you're going to die.in order to be truly happy, we have to let go of that fear, and 'kill' ourselves, like the Torah says.it doesn't mean to commit physical suicide, it means to get rid of those things that keep us from having true happiness, but make us FEEL as if those things bring us true happiness - which they don't - they only bring us 'death', so to speak.
i'm still working on these things myself - it's only been 3 years coming off a 38 year habit (addiction).
jack.

Thanks you Jack.
I understand what you mean

Thump wrote on 19 Dec 2011 23:33:

In your own words, with honesty and sincerety, from the heart. 

Talk to G-d about everything on your mind.  There is nothing you cannot talk to G-d about.

Welcome!
You sound like a guy a lot of us can relate to. If you're convinced you're an addict (like I am), then working the 12-step recovery from lust within a context of an SA group should prove wonderful for you. It also allows us to get out of ourselves and get a social life.
Keep us posted, friend.
Mottel.

Thank you Gibbor, thank you obormottel.

Dear Friends,
I need to tell you about something that is dazzling and even scaring me at the moment. For the first time in my life, I've been praying to Ashem everyday for a few days now. And I've got a feeling that it is working....It is working...I'm kind of scared cause I might be discovering that Ashem exists. I'm not trying to shock no one nor do I want to say blasphemy...But for me, it has rather been an abstract belief, although a strong one always in the back of my mind and never really leaving me, weighing on my life...

But now, my ground is shaking. And I feel guilty as well cause when I'm supposed to be overjoyed, what I feel is a kind of dazzlement, awe and even of fear...A confusion. So the world is not as I thought it was....It is shaking me. It is turning me inside out. I don't know how to deal with this recognition of the existence of a Higher Power.

Your feelings sound quite normal to me.  You seem like a very sincere fellow.  There are plenty of resources to learn more.  Have you ever looked at aish.com www.aish.com/ ?

  Thanks Gibbor, I'll have a look at that website. But actually I had some religious education as I went to Talmud Torah when I was a child. Still religion was more of a deeply entrenched but somewhat twisted tradition and cultural identity rather than a sound  and solid spiritual foundation.

Something about a word you said of me :  "sincere".
Here it comes again : each time someone says something good about me I feel like a total fraud and I feel like screaming : no, I'm a very bad person, a liar, a swindler. I feel so bad about my twisted life of addict that I feel unable to accept in my heart anything like a compliment or a show of affection....

That hurts too. I need to find a way to sort this out, or I'll stay alone till I die. Hopefully, bezra achem, working on the Twelves Steps will help me out of that pit.

im sorry to hear about your issues in your life i hope things get better ,

try speaking to god like gibbor said all thats on your mind like you would tell your freind ,he will allways be at your side to listen ,he gives you life each second ,he gives you all the good things and all things that are hard to overcome ,turn to him with all your heart and you will see the new world of hashem were its only good and no bad

Thump wrote on 22 Dec 2011 22:38:

It's hard for me to beleive that you could post the things you have posted without being sincere.  Some of us have a hard time accepting compliments.  I have found that it's best to just say "thank you" and move on. 

this might be of interest:
asimplejew.blogspot.com/2009/07/shrugging-off-compliments.html