Hello everyone,

I'm here to overcome my sex addiction and to help others in their fight.
I've gone more than four months without acting out. It's quite short, but at the same time the longest time I've been clean in my whole life since I got addicted. And more importantly, I finally understood that :
a) I'm an addict
b) I'm very severely addicted
c) I don't mean to go back to my "addict's life" never ever again, whatever has to be done to stay free.

I'm a jew. I'm not religious. I'm not married and I live alone.
At the moment, I'm going to a 12 steps group and I see a therapist (not specialized in sex addiction though)

Thanks for listening

Wow!  Now you sound like total serious about your recovery.  Congratulations on all the work you've already done.  I hope you find this site helpful and supportive of your work.  You are a Jew.  Yes indeed.

Much success

WELCOME! Stick around and let us know how it's going!

Here's the official welcome package with lots of goodies in it!

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
Help us help others: Donate Here

Hi Thump and thanks for joining us in our journey and posting.

There are plenty of people here who would be very happy to claim 4 months of sobriety.

You're obviously willing to do whatever it takes and I admire that.  What's equally impressive is that you're doing it while single and living alone.

For some Jewish stimulation without pressure or judgement, check out www.Aish.com

Best of luck.  And do stick around, post and help us all out.

Alex

Cool name- explain?

How did you come to this site?

Hello everyone, thanks for your answers. Thank you Daat, AlexEliezer, Gibbor, Bigblakday

I'm trying to do what I can to destroy that addiction. At the moment, I'm going through a bad period. I've been tempted to go back to it to ease the agony I feel when I look back at my past. What a waste my life has been so far, what a terrible waste.

The addiction is very powerful and it is very hard to get rid of it. But I feel I now have no choice. It is either getting rid of it or dying in utter misery and sin. Living alone compounds the problem, and I think loneliness is one of the most powerful fuel for any addiction. Of course I don't want to stay alone, and if G.d gives me another chance, I'll be happy to get married.

Anyway, right now I need to focus on the issue of getting over my addiction, pulling myself together, acquiring a spiritual foundation and building a financial health. Hope sharing here will help me attain these goals and stimulate other people to make progress where progress needs to be made.

I found this website by googling several  key words in order to be able to discuss with other jews who, like I do, are faced with the issue of lust addiction. Finally "Thump" means "to hit hard". I picked that name because now, I know I must fight as hard as I can if -with G.d's help- I want to overcome addiciton.

All the best to all of you. May G.d bless you all.

Thump,
Don't fight so hard!  Focus your energy on turning the battle over to G-d, giving your lust up to Him, and on avoiding lust (gazing, fantasizing).

Have a great day!
Alex

Thump wrote on 14 Dec 2011 10:32:

Focus on "letting go" of the addiction, not destroying it.  It's like quicksand, the more you struggle, the deeper you sink.  You need to decide to let go of it.

Thump wrote on 14 Dec 2011 10:32:

Everything you have experienced until now is integral to your growth.  You will grow because of what you went through, NOT in spite of it.

Thump wrote on 14 Dec 2011 10:32:

Having "no choice" is the biggest motivation.  Looks like you've got it.

Thump wrote on 14 Dec 2011 10:32:

Very true about lonliness.  You need to find social outlets now.  Don't wait for marriage.

Thump wrote on 14 Dec 2011 10:32:

You've been successful!  WELCOME!

Thump wrote on 14 Dec 2011 10:32:

Again, letting go of your addiction and putting your life in G-ds care is what it's about, not "fighting hard".  Yes, there are things you must "do", but "fighting hard (albeit with G-ds help) still puts you in the drivers seat.  Let G-d do the hard fighting, you just try and stay out of the way.

Some of this may not make sense to you now, I know it didn't make sense to me, but I am beginning to understand it.  I wish you a successful journey.  May you find the path to stay sober from lust one day at a time.

Oh yeah, and we're always here for you !

Thanks for your answers. I'll read them again to understand them better.
Sometimes, discovering that I'm not in control (and I'm not talking only about my addiction but about the larger picture of (my) life) scares me out of my wits. I need to learn trust I guess.
Thanks for the support 

Thump wrote on 14 Dec 2011 20:08:

The more you trust Hashem, the more secure you should feel.  Knowing that hashem (who knows what he's doing) is running things, should be a comforting thought.  He runs things to the extent we allow him to.  When we think we are in control, he says "ok, let's see how well you do on your own".  That - is a scary thought!

Gibbor, beautiful chizuk. Thanks.

Hey  Thump.  I think most guys will tell you that there's just no kicking the addiction.  You've set quite an agenda for yourself.  My advice is to scale down your aspirations to what you can do today to stay clean.  Just for today.  That itself is a very tall order.

When the acute inflamation of your mind calms down after you've got 90 or so days clean, your relationship with "H will most likely have changed to something you hadn't expected.  My experience has been that It grows in unimaginable ways.  One day at a time.

I hope you will keep posting and keep us "posted" about how you're doing.  Recovery folks have a great saying.  "Easy does it".  I say that a lot to myself.  Maybe it'll be useful to you, maybe not.

Much success

Keepmupnwith the 12 step program and keep up your good work. Let me tell you, it took me a long time since I went fro help until I went in to the rooms of 12 steps and then then to become sober. I am now on the right way I hope, and still have not got to four months, you are major keep it up.

Hello everyone,

Hello Gibbor, Pure Yid, 1daat

I've been clean from masturbation and pornography for 4 months and a half.
Still I keep on lusting. I must stop looking at woman dressed in a sexy way (and there are plenty of them going around) ; I've also made significant progress in that field, but it might not be enough yet.

I also stopped smoking about 2 months ago. Lately, I've also curbed non-vomiting bulimia but I now have decided to stop it altogether with G.d's help. The fact is that my life has been blighted with addiction for a long time. First it started with masturbation ; then came cigarette ; then with internet porn addiction settled. Gradually ingesting large amount of glucides also turned into an addiction (eating lots and lots of carbohydrate to the point of ending up lethargic).

To top it all, I've been blighted with an increasingly severe depression. So severe that I haven't been able to deal with my life at all for the last five years. I would go to my job and worked (badly) ; and that's it.

I've been interested in spirituality, but apparently something has turned very wrong with this. Or I may be mistaken, I don't know.

Well, finally I got confirmation that I was an addict, so I started doing what an addict has to do to get rid of their addictions.  Here I am. I'm just afraid that it might be too late for me. That I might not have the strength or sufficient health to recover and get on with my life. I hear what some of you are telling me : to rely on achem. I'm praying (though not with traditional prayers : I'm not a religious jew) and I'm asking ashem to take my addictions away and to take care of my life.

But at the moment I often feel overcome with despair.
Still I won't give up.
Please tell me how to speak better with ashem, because I feel so guilty and ashamed that I feel awkward in my dealing with Him. But maybe "dealing with Him" is already an unfortunate expression ? I don't know.

Thump wrote on 11 Dec 2011 07:45:

How is the therapy, 12 steps going?  It seems that should be helping more than anything we write here on this forum.

One more thing,  realize that people far worse off than you have recovered.  It is possible.  Not easy, but it has been done by others.  Why not you?

I couldn't tell you precisely how is therapy going. I guess it is helping me get some steam off and to build a positive human bond. But I still don't know how useful it'll be in the middle and long term. As for the  group, I'm looking for a sponsor at the moment. I asked one guy a couple of weeks ago but he declined as he said he didn't feel ready to guide someone. So I need to look for another sponsor. As soon as I find a sponsor, I'll do the steps. I go to the group from once to twice a week.

What weights on me is loneliness. Living on my own is very hard. I do not like this at all. Actually I hate living alone.