I am a college student who has been struggling with addiction to pornography and masturbation for years now. I can remember the first time that I looked at this stuff when I was about 13 at my friends house. We would look at it together on the computer there, and slowly I craved it more and more. I wouldn;t say it was a huge problem until a few years later, but i could already feel it starting and I was already trying to stop. I do not think that I have gone more than a few months sober since that time. In the last several years I definitely have not gone more than 2 months clean. the last 2 month streak was a senior trip to Israel for 2 months in which I felt on a different plain and was so inspired. I really want to overcome that bar and commit to staying clean. This is my stuggle. This is my battle. I will never give up. it is my avodah to make a tikkun in this area. Thank you GuardYourEyes for being a constant encouragement and resource.

I am focusing on today. One day at a time.

Yesterday I learned that Hanukkah is culmination of the holidays that correspond to the left side of the sefirot. We are about to culminate a season of gevurah and intense struggle to repent. Hanukkah is another chance. It is the real culmination of the Yimei Hadin. After Hanukkah we will enter the right side, tiferet, a time of tikkun. So right now I am looking to understand my struggle better, know where I am and what it is that I am making teshuva for. This is the first step in a time of teshuva. On the other side of Hanukkah I will, B'ezrat Hashem, work day by day to get better. For know I turn around, then I walk closer to Hashem.

Technically, the right is Chessed and Tiferes is in the middle. Its tikkun is to balance the right and left.
Most importantly, you are in the right place and we are all here with you in your struggle. Shimon was one of the sons of Mattisyahu and became the king after the Greeks had been defeated. Let's see the spirit of the Chashmonayim in this thread for the next month and further.

WELCOME Shimon!  You have come to the right place.  Here is the official welcome package.  There are lots of goodies inside, so start reading.  Great to have you with us.

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
Help us help others: Donate Here

Welcome Shimon!
You've taken a huge step by admitting that you're addicted.
I found that admitting powerlessness over this was very helpful.  It meant that I would have to be extremely careful to avoid looking at women.  I also stay off the computer unless there is a specific tachlis.  And I say far away from computers without filters.  I also daven a lot, whenever temptation strikes.
Wishing you awesome beginner's luck!
Alex

Thanks for the encouragement. I am looking forward to a great Kislev. 5 days and counting one day at a time. When I feel the struggle I just come to this web site. It helps a lot.

@Blind Beggar: Thanks for noting that. I meant Chesed. and thank you for the chizuk!

Be strong brother. You can do it!

Kislev and Tevet have the shortest days of the year, and are hence the darkest time of the year. Darkness can be a challenge, but is filled with opportunity:

One small candle can illuminate a vast dark space.

Reason: darkness is a non-entity, it's just a lack of light, light is real and exists, and that's why a little bit of it can eliminate so much darkness..

When we are sober for a month and slip, it is a month of true light versus five minutes of false darkness. Which is more powerful? More so, any darkness introduced as a result of our slip is in itself yet another opportunity to illuminate.

As Rabbi Dr. Twerski likes to say, (paraphrasing) falling does not bring us down to step 1, it is part of the climbing process. כי נפלתי קמתי and I rose because I fell (not lit translation, but one way to translate), we rise when we fall.

The above verse concludes גם כי אשב בחושך ה׳ אור לי even whilst I sit in darkness, Hashem is my light. When we introduce Hashem into our darkness, when we introduce months of sobriety into short periods of addiction, Hashem illuminates those moments as well and helps us climb even higher.

In the words of R' Shlomo, when he performed before a group of hippies in the 60's, who were high on 'stuff'

"Lord make me high, make me high, Lord make me high, make me higher, higher and higher.."

Be strong brother. Chazak!

Hello Shimon and stopping forever,

My and im sure your only wish has been : why did we not find GYE years ago and be that much further ahead in our lives.  Let us get addicted to GYE and transfer the addicition to learning more about who we are, and how we can no longer lie to ourselves, and banish the YH, and get chizuk from the Holy people at GYE.

stopping forever,
I love your motto line. its how i feel as well. Keep it up, never let anything get you down ....