Hi,

I have had luck here and there refraining from looking at porn on the internet. Thank G-d all of my most recent encounters have not led me to being motzi zera levatala, but for some reason I just keep on going back to look, just to see, as if its some sort of spectacle. For the most part I am repulsed by the ppl in these films and feel bad (mostly for the females) that they engaged in such a lowly disgusting thing. I feel like such garbage when I get involved looking at all this stuff and I wish I could stop, but for some reason eventually I keep coming back to look. It makes me feel terrible about myself, when I think about how I must be so ungrateful for the amazing wife and child that Hashem has given me, my life in general, and how I'm tarnishing my relationship with the Ribono shel olam. 

Please guide me in the right direction of where is the most appropriate place to start my avodah based off my info above.

Thanks and hatzlacha.

Welcome, you are not alone in your struggles.  Your post described me as well.  I would start right here:  www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/ebooks/Nutshell%20July2011.pdf  Hatzlacha.

Welcome aboard!

You have taken a big first step, by joining here and opening up about yourself. There are many different tools and methods available. Read the Handbooks and the FAQs, and browse the forums and see what worked for others. You will be able to choose what works for you. And if you don't have a filter on your computer yet, get one installed right away (there is help for that available here as well).

And most of all, participate here on the forum. Share and support, help and be helped.

Below is the "Official Welcome Package", with lots of links to help you get started.

Hatzlacha and Keep On Trucking^TM!! (stick around here and you will find out what that means!)

Gevura!

****************************************************
Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
Help us help others: Donate Here

Salachti,
Welcome!  You describe classic symptoms of addiction.
I, too, have a wonderful wife and children, have everything to be grateful for.
I was disgusted (for the most part) with what I was drawn to and looked at repeatedly.  And thought about.  At the most inopportune times.
Lack of hakoras hatov.  I know, I know.
Big aveiros.  I know that too.
Dragging me down, isolating me.  I know.

Recovery from this addiction isn't about knowing.  We know plenty.
Recovery is about doing.  It's about taking real steps.  It's about commitment.
It's about giving up LUST ITSELF.

For me, I recovered using and really applying the 12 steps.  You can find them on the GYE homepage under materials.  In a nutshell, it's admitting powerlessness over lust, and turning the battle over to Hashem.  Powerless means I'm not going to face lust head on.  Because I can't win that way.  So I must avoid all triggers.  Extreme shmiras eynayim.  Avoidance of unfiltered computers.  Don't touch them.  Don't even go into the same room as them.

When lustful thoughts come, I start davening right away, begging Hashem to take them away.

Hatzlacha!
Alex

WELCOME! You have come to the right place. Keep sharing!

Hi Salachti and welcome,

hope you find the tools you need here and that you have much hatzlocha in this and in all areas of life
ZS

Potenially stupid question- what is lust?

It's funny you ask.  It's one of those words we use but don't pause to ponder what they actually mean.

Here's my crack at a succint definition.  A physical desire for sexual pleasure.

Or you could just read dictionary.reference.com/browse/lust .

I don't think that definition is enough.  Is a married person not supposed to have a 'physical desire for s*xual pleasure'?  I think we're talking about something else.

That gets into emotional intimacy vs. physical sex.  It's a balance.  I gotta go but there is a lot of discussion about that on this site.  Maybe someone can point you to it.

If this desire or behavior screws me or somebody else up in some way - and I want to do it anyway, then it is lust.

If it has nothing really to do with my love for the other person, then it's lust.

If it's sneaky, then it is lust.

If I can't stop taking it, then it's lust.

If it causes a fight then it's lust.

If it kills love, then it's lust.

Any of these tests work great for me. I have lust and cannot use lust and control it. When I use it, it always eventually controls me. And when that happens I feel thoroughly miserable, regardless of whether I am caught or whether I am oiver on any issur...so be"H I generally do not get involved with it, at all. I still struggle at times, but Hashem is not through with me yet. And most importantly, I am taking real concrete behavioral steps in order to allow Him to help me. I never did that at all, before recovery, so it was completely hopeless. Wanting very badly to be good, did nothing for me.

dov wrote on 11 Nov 2011 06:57:


and this, my friends, is a true, functioning, solar-powered Lust-o-meter

thank you Dov!

Solar powered?

Welcome to the forum!  Did you try to install a filter?

heuni memass wrote on 11 Nov 2011 15:24:


He meant SOULar powered