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TOPIC: Personal recovery plan 26771 Views

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 16:47 #117949

obormottel
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JackInShteeble wrote on 07 Sep 2011 16:18:

the chazal tells us, if you see a gorgeous lady (for instance if you come to a corner, & she comes facing you from the opposite corner) you should say "boruch shakocho loy beolomoy"
about feeling depressed, please explain what particular thought about avoiding shmutz, causes you a depressing feeling?

Jack, with a ton of respect that I have for you, saying a "shekocho loy" on a pretty woman is malarkey. Yes, on a beuatiful view or sunset or whateva....on a shiksa? that's how I got myself into this predicament in the first place, staring at women and telling myself "I'm just enjoying G-d's beauty".
The second part of your post is a bit more complicated:
It says somewhere in the handbook that addicts have a maturity of a two-year-old. SO part of my depression from not looking is just that: "But I wanoooooo......"
ANother, I think, is that I get upset at myself for not having the maturity and being so easily triggered, and how did I get myself to be an idiot like this, and so on.

Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

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Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 16:48 #117950

obormottel OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1440 Karma: 6	Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 07 Sep 2011 16:45: Does the mitzva of Lo sechaneim - Lo titein laheim chein apply here? explain please
	Baby steps. If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas! Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans. Last Edit: by .

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 16:50 #117951

Jackabbey Current streak: 3 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 835 Karma: 0	the gemoro askethat you are not allowed to look, and it answers that it was when meeting at corners the 2nd issue, i have to think
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Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 16:53 #117952

Yosef Hatzadik
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The Rebbe, Reb Yankele Pshevorsker of Antwerp Ztzvk"l used to vacation in Switzerland. During his daily morning stroll (after all, he went there to rejuvenate his body!), when he encountered goyim he would return their greeting with the German "oifwidderzehn" {rough translation: Hope to meet you again}.

He was asked by his attendants, "When does the Rebbe plan to meet this goy again?"

"Vuss heist?" the Rebbe replied, "V'allu moshi'im b'har Tzion lishpot ess har Eisav... i do hope to meet him again!"

The Rebbe didn't want to insult the goy by ignoring his greeting, but he chose to clothe it in a tefilah for the Geulah!!!

Yosef Hatzadik's Ha'oros
Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech!

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Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 16:59 #117954

ben durdayah Current streak: 49 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder No, that is not a mouse... Posts: 1253 Karma: 5	I personally try a different kind of prayer, and I find it very helpful and uplifting. I would like to share it with you: Ribono Shel Olam, please help me find whatever it is that I am looking for in her, in You instead.
	For Dov and the other two guys who care, My real name really is Eli Like the original Bendy, Ein hadavar talui ela bee Last Edit: by .

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 17:44 #117971

gevura shebyesod
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obormottel wrote on 07 Sep 2011 16:10:

I've been having trouble....not with looking around on the street, but with feeling good about not looking, as well as with having the split-second images linger in my head. I dwell on them and get depressed about why couldn't I look, and why it's not going away, and how much I really wanna look. I have been using "alert, avert, and affirm" tool, but the affirmation is not helping, and I usually forget to compliment myself anyways. I've used image replacement technique, but it's not always practical. I've been imagining some disgusting worts on the inner thighs of my fanatasies, and that helped a bit. Then I started using another tool, of saying "Hashem, take my pain as a sacrifice", because I literally shudder and shake and feel nauseated when the urge to look is particularly strong. Shopping and driving are particularly difficult activities. I tell myself if I look I die.
All these tools are from GYE and they helped more or less. But the other day I started saying "G-d bless her" every time I see someone I want to do a once over. And the urge immediately goes away! That is amazing....I find myself at peace, I don't want to look again, and I am comfortable with not being able to look once I ask Hashem to bless this person as His child.
So I want to be a ~~misnaged~~ litvak for a second, and ask: are we allowed to ask Hashem to bless goyim? I don't think so....but it's been doing wonders for me in the last day or two.....
What to do, heilige forum?

Mottel, that's so exactly what I am going through. (the triggers are different, but the thoughts and the pain are the same). I too have the same conflicting feelings going on, feeling good because I feel bad about looking, and at the same time the YH trying to make me feel bad that i can't look "it's not fair, everyone else can look and I can't, I waaaannnnnaaaaaaa......" Yeah I sound just like my 3 year old....
I too, when I finally pull myself away and the wanting hurts so much, I say "Hashem, it's a korban for you, a little piece of myself, the yissurim should be mechaper."

It's so good to know that, at the core, we are really all the same, despite the different forms our Yetzer Hora takes.

As far as the brocho thing, I don't see the shaychus between "shekacha loi", which is praising Hashem for the beauty we see, and blessing a person and wishing good on them. I'm not sure that Lo sechoneim would apply to normal social politeness, but where you are blessing a specific person it may apply. OTOH we are dealing with Yehoreig v'al yaavor here, maybe it's doche.....

!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

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Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 18:52 #117998

Jackabbey Current streak: 3 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 835 Karma: 0	i think it would help to make a thread about "how do you feel after winning a major challange ?"
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Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 19:21 #118011

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5251 Karma: 166	Like going to Disney World of course .
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Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 19:30 #118015

obormottel OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1440 Karma: 6	ben durdayah wrote on 07 Sep 2011 16:59: I personally try a different kind of prayer, and I find it very helpful and uplifting. I would like to share it with you: Ribono Shel Olam, please help me find whatever it is that I am looking for in her, in You instead. LIKE
	Baby steps. If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas! Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans. Last Edit: by .

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 19:38 #118018

Jackabbey
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going to disney world isnt hard, its just a matter of money, time, effort
winning a nesoyon which is at the time, bitter, tough, against your own body's will, is sweet success
it give you a kick-push forwards, one step ahead of him
the goyim dont even know what it means, they have no toichen, no hashkofo, no future they live for the enjoyment of that moment, they cant whithstand the slightest nisoyon, if its agains their bodys will, like a beheimeh
and here we are poor humble jews gainning foot on quicksand where no one else can
doesnt that make you happy? dancing? jumping? singing? trucking?

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Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 19:53 #118022

obormottel
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JackInShteeble wrote on 07 Sep 2011 19:38:

and here we are poor humble jews gainning foot on quicksand where no one else can
doesnt that make you happy? dancing? jumping? singing? trucking?

I suppose this is my point: instead of all of the above it makes me miserable. :'(
but not if I ask Hashem to bless the person of my farshtunkene desire, then I don't feel bad about myself at all....maybe because I wished well on this person instead of devouring them in my mind? this thought just occured to me...
well, I'll be practicing more of this today, as I have to go to a supermarket (BRRRRR), so I'll report if it still works.....

Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

Last Edit: by .

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 20:01 #118025

Jackabbey Current streak: 3 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 835 Karma: 0	it worked for me too wonders we need i sack full of ideas & tricks, and whenever we encounter a challange, we utilise another idea
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Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 20:04 #118026

Jackabbey Current streak: 3 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 835 Karma: 0	this is how we should feel when we have a nisoyon Attachments: panic.jpg (63KB) panic.jpg_thumb (28KB)
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Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 20:08 #118028

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5251 Karma: 166	OM, I think the idea is that when you wish well on them, you see them as a person rather than an object. Even if your mom is really pretty, you will not lust for her, because you do not objectify her. my 2 cents.
	My Home \| My Links \| Dov Quotes \| Dr. Sorotzkin \| Handbook \| Additional Tools \| AA Audio \| Shalom Bayis \| Skep's Tips Last Edit: by .

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Sep 2011 20:54 #118048

obormottel
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gibbor120 wrote on 07 Sep 2011 20:08:

OM, I think the idea is that when you wish well on them, you see them as a person rather than an object. Even if your mom is really pretty, you will not lust for her, because you do not objectify her. my 2 cents.

that's a good explanation.
I just had a girl come in here, practically t*pl*ss, asking for matches, and since I only had my lighter, she dragged herself through the entire place and out the back door, where she finally lit up; and I had to shlepp with her to retrieve my lighter and all the while she's trying to make small talk and being the polite gentleman that I am I have to look straight at her when talking to her....At one point I almost pushed her down the stairs, seriously, I just wanted to shout "shut up and get out and stop teasing me", then I said in my mind "G-d bless her" and I just instantly saw the same girl as a poor soul, just trying to be nice, and addicted to cigarettes, and I didn't give her another thought...I also davened Hashem should help her quit smoking, that's what a big tzadik I am.

Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

Last Edit: by .