1daat wrote on 21 Sep 2011 05:15:

thank you so much!  :'( :'( :'(  i have a little problem with letting it in. thanks again!

Just checking in. Doing OK. Wife's OK.

Good to hear!

My wedding annyversary is tonight. 15 yrs! The depression's settling in....

Mazel Tov!

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.. Since their anniversary was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her anniversary. 'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of their anniversary, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.. He then took her to Kosher delight where he ordered her a nice meal with extra fries. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?' Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!' The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

Make sure you understand what she wants.

Mazel Tov Mottel, many happy years together in good health!

why the frown?



HM, that was a really good one

Depression! What depression? The best is yet to come!

Mazel Tov on your 15th (Our 15th is coming up soon too).

Depression? Cause you had a fight the other day? Every marriage has ups and downs. We have fights too, but we love each other and we both know it, even while we are yelling at each other. And in the end we look back and say "I can't believe we got so worked up over such a Shtuss".

A wise lady told us by our wedding "Never go to sleep on an argument". The best advice we ever got (even if it means staying up till 4 AM talking things out).

Many more happy years together!

Gevura!

Gevura ShebYesod wrote on 22 Sep 2011 20:20:


someone told my wife that and it drives me mad when I am tired and want to go to sleep.  8)

heuni memass wrote on 22 Sep 2011 20:32:


Beautiful. So now you have two fights you go to sleep with ;D

Do you want to talk more about anniversary depression?


YOU ARE CLEAN TODAY.  Rejoice!  Hashem is making a new marriage for you.  Right about near the end of Elul probably.

Mazel Tov. 

My anniversary present to Wife was the Garden of Peace (A Marital Guide for Men only) with my promise to read it and become a better husband. I also printed out a greeting card on MS Publisher instead of giving my money to Hallmark. It saved me five bucks and showed a personal touch. Don't know what I'm getting yet, we'll keep you posted.
We went for a little romantic walk to the neighbourhood supermarket, and chatted about my progress in recovery (it's also 50 days today) and other things in life.
I am in higher spirits now than when I woke up, so that's good.

During mincha yesterday, I was going over a conversation in my head that I had with my friend right before mincha. We talked on the phone, after about a two months break. You see, this is a very good friend, whom I've known for almost twenty years, pre-marriage, and we now live in different cities and see each other or talk on the phone every once in a while. He is going through a lot, what with four kids and a wife in AA, and he is part of Spouses of Addicts. We continued the conversation that we started maybe six months prior about taking it one day at a time and bitochoin and humility etc. So during Shmoine Esrei, as I was thinking about things he said I thought to myself that he would be a perfect guy to open up to and talk about my issues openly. Then my thoughts took to visualizing going to the phone and dialing the number and when the time came for me to talk ......I froze. Literally, in the middle of Shmoine Esrei, I had a panic attack  that immobilized me because I couldn't even imagine that I was going to say about myself "I am addicted to Internet pornography and everything that this implies".
I don't know if it's just shame, or am I still in denial, or ....the truth is I don't know what other options there are....
But the point is, this is a good friend, who understands addiction intimately, follows the 12 steps etc, and I cannot fathom talking to him face to face. How do I break through this barrier of whatever it is: shame, denial, .....?
Other than Wife, I've opened up to one other friend after he confided his sex addiction in me, and all I had to say: "me too". And it was after some alcohol intake (moderate though it may have been).

Hi OM.  First of all, you are an inspiration for us all.  Thanks for all your posts. 

As far as hallmark goes, you can actually create a personal card online.  You can personalize it with your wife's name and put in all your own words (and pictures if you want).  You can really get creative with it.  It's less than $5 including postage.  I used it recently, it was great.  Anyway, I never get the cards that have a message in them.  I get the blank ones and write a message.  I think they are only $2-$3.  One of my rabbeim lamented the fact that when we want to give a card, we buy someone else's pre-packaged words.  Yasher koach on giving a card from your heart.

Now about telling a friend, I also have a bit of a question.  I have a good friend and I'm not sure if I should tell him anything, but GYE has become part of my life.  I feel funny not sharing it.  I keep finding that I want to tell him something interesting I read here or just share my struggle. 

Just sharing some thoughts. KOT!

What you have shared here is so clearly showing the profound weakness of this forum as a medium for honesty and openness. Even phone calls share this weakness!

Here you are, describing your problems to other (virtual) people clearly - yet when it comes to opening up to a real, live person - a person who is real because they see you or know you - it is a completely different experience! Ad k'dei kach that it brings panic - and it has not even come to sh'as mayseh yet!!

Gevalt, gevalt. Now, instead of someone reading this and trying to make dakisdikeh chilukim to say "no, this case is completely different," I wish they'd just see it in themselves. We desperately need to open up with safe, real people if we really expect anything different at all in our lives. This is why AAs started meetings with other AAs in order to grow up, stay sober, and recover. And by meetings, of course that means in-person meetings with others who see us, our faces, and hear the truth about us, to know us as no one else does.

Any benefit at all that people got since they opened up on this forum is just the very crust of the real bread they need to eat. This shemetz of 'opening up' has already accomplished much for so many! But why stop there?! Like you wrote: it's shame and ignorance. People open up a bit and take that fateful step of actually posting  :o the truth about themselves ("Ayyyeee!!! I can't believe I am doing this!")...then they get somewhat better...and they chalk it up to some 'madreigah' they 'achieved'. It makes me want to hurl. Cuz it is a recipe for failure - for taking this k'li for recovery called GYE and throwing it in the trash. Opening up a little brings about the ability to open up more. GYE forum posting should lead to meeting others here for recovery, to long-term relationships with other suffering frummies like us, and to progressive opening up and deepening of healthy relationships for recovery. That is where we grow to be better friends, children, husbands in the rest of our lives.

Not from sticking with the same baby tools we once discovered.

Hope I did not insult anyone. But it is Elul, nearing Slichos and RH, and many here are hurting - or going to be soon. It is a time of year that is worse for more sex and lust addicts than any other time of the year, even the summer 8)! We need to get back to basics, and use what really worked for us - grow it and use it, not just 'look at it'. We have gold here. Start digging.

I do not know if your friend is the right person at all for you to open up to, and am not suggesting you do, at all. I am just observing the result of your own observations. There are and will always be safe people you can share all the dirt and all the good about yourself with in real meetings of other recovering perverts and drunks. We are here, and we are not going away, be"H.