Keep up your good work.

alexeliezer wrote on 08 Aug 2011 14:48:


It's normal for you to feel something when you see what you see. What I see, normal people see nothing....

I don't understand what you're saying.  It's normal to look at a pretty female and start undressing her and doing things to her in my mind?  Or wish I could have a relationship with her?

I'd like to be able to see people as people.  It's funny, because I can look at my wife as a person even though I'm very attracted to her.  And I can look at my daughters as people.  It's just other peoples wives and daughters....

So I basically just try not to look.

it's not normal to take it that far, but any healthy male is expected to have some sort of reaction to seeing a pretty woman.

Is it normal to see a teenage boy and start undressing etc? normal people have no reaction whatsoever.

True.  It's far less common.  And not normal.
But Hashem did warn us against SS aveiros just as other araios.  Because He knows the possibility exists.  You nurtured your SSA in your youth the way I nurtured my lust for girls.  So now we can't look at them without the gears turning.  I acknowledge that you have the additional dimension of not being able to avoid your triggers because they're even in shul, the beis medrish.  But it's not assur to look at men.  So this is a balance only you can find and walk.  OK I don't know what I'm talking about any more so I'll stop.

We have our work cut out for us.  But we're doing it.  There's really no other choice.

Shteig on!
Alex

It's true. Chazal did not make the gedarim for this like for "regular" arayos (yichud, mechitza etc.) because they considered it an abberation that would not tempt most people. (Although there are a few, for instance that 2 unmarried men should not sleep together in the same bed.)

So I have to make my own gedarim as I go, like avoiding places that have a lot of "triggers" and keeping my eyes to myself in the street. (I can be triggered by women too, just not as strongly).

Keeping On Trucking^TM (Stay out of my way, my eyes are closed tight!)  ;D ;D ;D

Gevura!

Day 31, trucking along.....

I just wanted to post a sort of dvar torah that I thought of a while back. I originally PMed it to Durdaya because his screen name reminded me of it, but I think some people could get chizuk from it.

The Gemora is in Menachos (I think daf Mem-daled). It came out in Daf Yomi just when I was in the first terrible days of withdrawal at the beginning of my recovery.

It tells the story of another Baal Teshuva who stopped himself at the brink of committing a terrible sin. He had made an appointment with the most expensive prostitute in all of Rome. She prepared for him bed upon bed, with ladders to climb up. As he was climbing the last ladder, his Tzitzis struck him across the face. He stopped himself and went back down. she asked what was wrong, and he explained about the Tztzis and what they represent. She then sold all her posessions except for the beds, and traveled to the place he was from. She eventually was megayer and married him. "And the same beds she had prepared for him b'issur, she now prepared for him b'heter".

I read that and I was hurt to the core. He did teshuva, and in the end he got the girl of his dreams and a fairytale ending. And I, no matter how hard I work, will never have what I desire b'heter. IT"S NOT FAIR!!!!
I was almost ready to give it all up. :'( :'( :'(

But then I thought about it, and I realized that i have the potential to reach a much higher madreiga. My teshuva can be completely lishmoh, with no thought of any earthly benefit. From that I found the strength to go forward.

The very next morning I found GYE.....

What Gevurah!Such a powerful thought.when I read your post I thought wow what  another human is capable of such strength I have to strengthen myself it is all in my mind.

i had a lot of times this thought if gevura can i can too.

that is such a great story!!

hello somewhere some how your tzitzis worked for u too

now keep on trucking!!!!!!!!

I love you Gevura!  You are an amazing Jew and an inspiration.
Hope I'm near you in the olam haemes after 120.
Shteig on!
Alex

thanks Gevura for sharing that, it is beautiful and powerful

maybe i can add a thought to your idea
the Mesilas Yesharim says that the only real pleasure is enjoying the Presence of HKBH, everything else is 'hevel veshav niseh', emptiness and vanity. So in a way all the earthly pleasures are similar to the shops on Canal Street in Lower Manhattan where they sell Rolex, Hello Kitty, Gucci etc. but NONE OF IT IS REAL.
In our physical existence we have a 'menu' of pleasures. money food sex etc. but in truth there is a whole new menu we never saw yet. and they are incomparable.
so while some things have no counterpart in heter, this is all one big knock-off shop



(there is a concept of 'olamcha tireh bechayaecha', and shabbos being 'mayain olam haba', but that's a separate shmooze)

Gevura ShebYesod wrote on 17 Aug 2011 04:02:


I often feel like I need my seforim with me at work.  I can't remember off hand who said this, but someone really chashuv said that any assur pleasure we give up - we will end up getting the same pleasure b'heter.

whats  wrong with hello kitty?

bardichev wrote on 17 Aug 2011 19:50:



Funny I actually bought a new mehudar Tallis just before Pesach, and that's just when all this stuff started happening to me that made me finally break free. Who knows?.....