Trukkkkk along. Just trukkkkk

(text from the rebbe reb b this morning)

truck on track you trucker

We're with you for the long haul bro

gevura you have done such amazing work untill now this is the yetzer harah saying hey I did not forget about you.Hold on.I do not know if you are doing a specific program or you are seeing someone,if you are just keep working it.What was helpful to me is to write out on a piece of paper exactly what is going on what are your thoughts and actions.Hatzlochah

wow, thanks for you sharing your struggles!! Your fall and rise have helped me and will surely help others.  I'm having a similar lull after a strong closeness to haKBH.  It's so sad, I don't feel nothin' like you say.  your dvort hits the nail on the head.  all aspects of the home are ways to keep close to H", our hearts, but mamash, our shabbos tables (Altars) our doors, our wives, our children... The Netivot Shalom also has some soothing words on this subject, he said going through the lulls in our service and closeness doesn't mean we are failing in the least, he connects it to "David Melech Israel Chai v'Kayam".  What does Chai V'kayam mean??  he suggests that even though physically Dovid Melech is no longer here, he is alive and waiting to rise. Similarly in our service, when we feel we have lost our connection, we need to remember "Chai v'kayam".  a day will come when we get close again.

Quick Hallel vort...

"Ki Govar Oleinu Chasdo, VeEmes Hashem Leolam..."

Sometimes we find ourselves feeling so distanced from Hashem, we feel rejected and alone. we feel like there is no hope of return, we may even begin to doubt....

But then He OVERPOWERS us with His Chesed, and we are compelled to see His Truth...

hey GSY,  so Here's my chesed followthrough that you taught me by being who you are. 

I understand about restarting the clock even though it's about a "grey area".  I did the same thing.  and the restart for me was not some sort of perfectionism, I don't think.  I just felt the need to get off the 90 day thing, and see if I could throw out how I was using the chart and just take one day at a time.  I don't know the inner workings of all that, and certainly don't know yours, but thought I'd share.

Beyond that, i think you are indeed vested somehow with a smidge more Gevurah than many.  Why?  Because your shmiras eynayim, etc is two-fold those of us who aren't ssa.  I can't imagine rising to that level, and you are able to do it.  The depth of your commitment is just beyond what I think I'd ever be capable of.  It would require a huge dose of help from "H and others.  Kol hakovod.

1daat wrote on 27 Mar 2012 21:34:


Only a smidge?
If we are soldiers in Hashem's Army, the SSA guys are the SAS. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special_Air_Service

Thanks for the Chizuk. I need it badly right now...

Gevura! (Super Secret Agent, trying for Successful Shemiras Ainayim but in a Seriously Slippy Attitude)

It's almost a year now since I took that first step toward breaking free. It's been a wild ride, with ups and downs, and I definitely have a long way to go before I can say that I have achieved any real "recovery" from my SSA. But I have managed to stay (mostly) sober and I have seen great improvement in my feelings and attitudes, especially in not feeling so disconnected from the world like I used to. And it is in a large part thanks to all of you, my friends. Without your support and encouragement there is no way I could have stuck it out this long. And your camaraderie and humor keeps me going when i am struggling and losing my will to continue.

May we all be Zoche to be redeemed from our own personal "Mitzrayim", and together with all of Klal Yisroel to the Geula Sheleimo Bimheiro, Omain!

Chag Kosher Vesomeach!
(And don't forget to clean the truck  )

Gevura!

GiShYe, a year!  just Amazing.  Thank you for everything you've contributed to my life.  Chag Sameyach, bro.

Go, GEVURA, go!!!!!

Nuuuu????

Happy birthday to me.....

No, it's not my "real" birthday. But tonight marks exactly one year from when I "came out" and told my wife about my problem, and took the first steps to begin to struggle with it. In a way I was "born again", and given a second chance to make my life what it ought to be.

It's been a difficult, yet wonderful year. I feel a new closer connection with Hashem, and my relationship with my wife and family is so much better. I am learning to get out of my shell and be more social, and the feelings of loneliness and "different-ness" are somewhat abating.

On the other hand, it has also been painful and frustrating. In a way the pain is more real than before, now that I am conscious of it and I am not numbing myself by retreating into my fantasy world. And the struggle is unrelenting, there is no hiding place for me.

But in the end, in the words of the famous campaign slogan, "Are you better off than you were one year ago?" I have to say, "YES!"

Thank you Hashem for dragging me kicking and screaming from the depths, and for holding me tight when I have lost the strength and the will to hold on to You.

And I thank all of you, for being here to support and encourage me along the way.

KOMT!!!

Gevura!

It is an honor and a privilege to call you a brother in arms.
Mazel tov on the "birthday"! Keep coming back...sober!
Mottel