Gevura, that's a(nother) beautiful pshat! it talks to me. thank you for sharing these gems. please keep them coming

the 90 day on gevura is uncanny
if you say gevurayitzchok quick a few times it sounds like Glenfiddich...

Just came across this, it's perfect for us.

http://www.aish.com/v/ho/101461854.html

I was waiting for him to say "Fell Shmell, Keep On Trucking"  ;D

86....

Yom Kippur was strange in a way. I was sure I would be completely broken down the whole time, but somehow I found myself less intense than even last year. I think i find that I anticipate emotions, and then it's a letdown when the time actually comes because I already experienced it in my head....it's weird and i'm not sure I even understand what I just wrote....

I think I cried the hardest at night by Shehecheyanu, this is the first Yom Kippur since I became a Bar Daas (did I ever?) that I didn't feel like a total fake phony fraud.

I now dread the times of year that I used to look forward to the most :-[ . Bain Hazmanim.....they are all over the place....

I know bain hazmanim is tough for you.  It won't be easy, but you will get through it.  You will be earning huge schar, not to mention personal growth and recovery, every time you go to shul.  May Hashem enable you to overcome this nisayon l'gamri, and see those who are now triggers and just people.  Until then, you'll just have to continue dodging.

Stay strong my brother. I get emotional lately by shehechiyonu, too. G-d is just so kind and beautiful, and He lets me in under His wings even in the darkest of times. I know I can always fall back on His kindness. He is the One TRue Father who is never too busy for us, never too angry with us, never dismissive of our struggles. He cried with you and answered Oomain with a thunder that shook the worlds. He made a shehecheyonu, too (al derech, tfilin d'marei almo, ma ksiv behu? mi k'amcho k'Yisroel goy echod booretz): that the time has come for his only son Gevura to find his way back to his Father's table. Ah, that's a mechaye. Keep putting a smile on your Father's Holy Face, He deserves it, no?

Thanks guys for the Chizuk. I guess I should look at it as a huge opportunity to work on myself.

Yes, I was less emotional this year too.  Not that I am usually that emotional, but the last couple of years, tefillah zakah really got to me.  Maybe because I feel like I'm growing more on a daily basis, I didn't find yom kippur as stirring.  Maybe when we are stuck in the mud so to speak, we see Y"K as this great day of salvation and we get emotional about it.  Just a thought.

Yeah, I could actually hear the YH whispering in my ear "you've done so much teshuva already, take it easy..."

But I know there is so much more to work on, the war is far from over. And there are other aspects of my life that are not so perfect either.....

gibbor120 wrote on 11 Oct 2011 14:56:


I had this thought too.  Every day is a little Yom Kippur for us baalei teshuva.  Yom Kippur isn't necessarily an emotional day.  It's a day when our neshamos are cleansed from our aveiros.  Let's also not forget all those selichos leading up...

Maybe because we feel every day is a teshuvah day the fact that we have to designate a day as teshuvah day kind of feels like a contradiction...?

Dear Gevura,
Thanks so much for sharing your journey with us.  You're struggling valiantly every day, chiseling away at mighty, ingrained taivos.  You are an inspiration to all of us on GYE, and a great example for those with SSA.  May the Ribbono Shel Olam, you and your wonderful aishes chayil see much nachas from your family.

You hit 90 b'ezras Hashem on Friday, which means we can't celebrate it here.  But I will certainly be thinking about you and celebrating.

Since you've inspired so many, there aren't enough seats in your monster truck for them all.  So here's a second vehicle.  I think it's so you!

Love,
Alex

Alex, thanks for the kind words, and the bus  . Now I need to upgrade my driver's license  :D .

May everyone have a Monstuh' great and inspiring Yomtov. I hope IY"H to throw a 90 party when I get back. Jellybeans and woodford for all!!

Gevura!

Gevura,

you are an inspiration. plain and simple. thanks for sharing the journey with us.

seldom has so much been owed by so many to a truly righteous monstuh' trucker, as R' Vinston would've said

chazak ve'ematz

i will tip back a glenfiddich on friday for you bl'n

a chag kasher vesamayach lecha ulechol asher lach

I am 70-day old clean today! I think it's fair to say that you, my friend Gevura, were my inspiration for making progress!
Thanks and a gutten yontiff!

A Gut Moed everyone!

With the help of Hashem Yisborach and all of my friends who supported and encouraged me along the way, I have made it through 90 days!

Thank You Hashem for giving me a second chance. And thanks to all of you who made it so much easier to keep on trucking when it was rough and I was feeling down.

BTW how many people get to make a Shehecheyonu and say Hallel on their 90th day? Even for this I must thank Hashem, for giving me the opportunity to thank Him properly. Modim Anachnu Loch......Al Sheanachnu Modim Loch.

I know that it's not over, there's no magic off switch. I will be keeping on trucking with all of you for the rest of my life, but I know that I am finally doing what I was sent here for.

But for now let's all say LeChaim!!!!

Gevura!