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TOPIC: I thought I can do this alone. 82986 Views

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 21 Feb 2016 01:31 #278503

  • otr-otr
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Good for you. I also felt more at peace with myself this layl shabbs. I think I should write that on my personal thread so I recall it in the tough times. 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 21 Feb 2016 02:45 #278512

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 RS, OTR, are spreading the kedusha, keep it up. 
So glad that you are feeling a little bit of satisfaction from all your good work. 

It should just get better.  

When yall report good days, it gives everyone who reads it a push on the right direction,  so take a look and see how many views your thread has,  that's alot of positive encouragement you're giving others. 

G Bless you both,  
 

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 21 Feb 2016 13:31 #278545

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Day 13: Sundays are a long day for me. No regular work schedule. Woke up feeling a little nervous. Have that weird nervous feeling that usually craves being numbed out and zoned away! But i am on a roll here. Can't let it get to me now. The main thing that counting days helps with is that it stops me from saying "just a little peek for a second. I am not really falling just looking for a glimpse out of curiosity .... " Have you said that to yourself? Now that i am counting I am not willing to sacrifice the count for that tiny little peek so i outsmarted (for now) the addictive voice that was just using that as bait to  pull me into the endless pit of shmutz. 
Thanks to you all for being there.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 21 Feb 2016 14:28 #278549

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realsimcha wrote on 21 Feb 2016 13:31:
Day 13: Sundays are a long day for me. No regular work schedule. Woke up feeling a little nervous. Have that weird nervous feeling that usually craves being numbed out and zoned away! But i am on a roll here. Can't let it get to me now. The main thing that counting days helps with is that it stops me from saying "just a little peek for a second. I am not really falling just looking for a glimpse out of curiosity .... " Have you said that to yourself? Now that i am counting I am not willing to sacrifice the count for that tiny little peek so i outsmarted (for now) the addictive voice that was just using that as bait to  pull me into the endless pit of shmutz. 
Thanks to you all for being there.





I wish I was wrong, but many people who use countin' as their only tool (not sayin' that you do) have that experience in the beginnin', but then they get over it....sadly. I wish you well my friend.

B'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
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MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 21 Feb 2016 14:37 by cordnoy.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 21 Feb 2016 14:33 #278551

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cordnoy wrote on 21 Feb 2016 14:28:


 






I wish I was wrong, but many people who use countin' as their only tool (not sayin' that you do) have that experience in the beginnin', but then they get over it....sadly. I wish you well my friend.

B'hatzlachah





Ouch.... 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.
Last Edit: 21 Feb 2016 14:36 by cordnoy.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 21 Feb 2016 14:36 #278553

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realsimcha wrote on 21 Feb 2016 13:31:
Day 13: Sundays are a long day for me. No regular work schedule. Woke up feeling a little nervous. Have that weird nervous feeling that usually craves being numbed out and zoned away! But i am on a roll here. Can't let it get to me now. The main thing that counting days helps with is that it stops me from saying "just a little peek for a second. I am not really falling just looking for a glimpse out of curiosity .... " Have you said that to yourself? Now that i am counting I am not willing to sacrifice the count for that tiny little peek so i outsmarted (for now) the addictive voice that was just using that as bait to  pull me into the endless pit of shmutz. 
Thanks to you all for being there.

I totally here this. The 'peek,' or the 'new's site is often the first step for me into the abyss. I think cord is right about counting not being the only motivator. But that said, this point of 'just a sip' is something we all know as one of lust's most powerful assaults. Just a sip of cyanide.... If you need to reach out today I should be around....
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 21 Feb 2016 17:17 #278593

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cordnoy wrote on 21 Feb 2016 14:28:
I wish I was wrong, but many people who use countin' as their only tool (not sayin' that you do) have that experience in the beginnin', but then they get over it....sadly. I wish you well my friend.

B'hatzlachah

 

Not the only tool. Just the newest one (for me). You see, before i rejoined GYE i was not sitting on my .. doing nothing. I was working and working and working. And i do have lots of things in place. I have a partner who i call when things are rough, i have outlets i put into place that are helpful. But i needed another weapon. Another tool. and this time wround on GYE i am finding counting within Gye  to be more powerful than just a personal count, and also i am finding that posting every day is giving me a huge boost. Also people - like you - commenting, chizuking, or criticizing are keeping me focused. 

Anyway.... Cord, what works for you? What have you been doing lately that works for you. I would love to hear some new ideas. 

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 21 Feb 2016 21:01 #278633

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Thank you.
Here is my history.
Neder.
Break it.
Neder.
Keep it.
Let it expire.
Neder.
Find a loophole.
Pray and cry and mussar.
That was for twenty plus years.
Told all to Jewish quasi therapist.
Found gye.
Posted.
Long distance therapist.
Opened up for real to other members (real means that we know who each other are, and certainly they know me).
Sa meetings.
Specialist.
Sponsor.
Another sponsor.
More opening up.
Read the books.
Conference call.
Told my rosh yeshiva 
12 steps.
Conducted calls.
More opening up.
Spoke to wife.

B'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 21 Feb 2016 22:10 #278653

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For everything else there is Mastercard

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 22 Feb 2016 18:13 #278749

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cordnoy wrote on 21 Feb 2016 21:01:
Thank you.
Here is my history.
Neder.
Break it.
Neder.
Keep it.
Let it expire.
Neder.
Find a loophole.
Pray and cry and mussar.
That was for twenty plus years.
Told all to Jewish quasi therapist.
Found gye.
Posted.
Long distance therapist.
Opened up for real to other members (real means that we know who each other are, and certainly they know me).
Sa meetings.
Specialist.
Sponsor.
Another sponsor.
More opening up.
Read the books.
Conference call.
Told my rosh yeshiva 
12 steps.
Conducted calls.
More opening up.
Spoke to wife.

B'hatzlachah

Wow. you took my breath away. Seems like years of pain followed by years of hard work (and pain?). I hope that your life is giving you more peace these days. You are an inspiration.

One thing that you wrote bothered me. You wrote about "opening up for real" meaning that other members know who you are. Are you saying that there is no point to posting and reading posts anonymously. Isnt that the point of GYE, to allow people who may be uncomfortable in another setting to get chizuk about this uncomfortable topic without having to worry about their reputation (read: ego if you will)? 

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 22 Feb 2016 18:15 #278750

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Day 14: Things are so different. Davening is better. Work is better. Actually getting things done. Marriage is better - actually seeing out of my own narrow field of vision. 

Now I find myself terrified of it all ending. I feel like I am on a bubble. The bubble can pop at any second. Aht can I do to keep myself HERE?!?!?!?!?!

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 22 Feb 2016 19:08 #278759

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realsimcha wrote on 22 Feb 2016 18:13:

cordnoy wrote on 21 Feb 2016 21:01:
Thank you.
Here is my history.
Neder.
Break it.
Neder.
Keep it.
Let it expire.
Neder.
Find a loophole.
Pray and cry and mussar.
That was for twenty plus years.
Told all to Jewish quasi therapist.
Found gye.
Posted.
Long distance therapist.
Opened up for real to other members (real means that we know who each other are, and certainly they know me).
Sa meetings.
Specialist.
Sponsor.
Another sponsor.
More opening up.
Read the books.
Conference call.
Told my rosh yeshiva 
12 steps.
Conducted calls.
More opening up.
Spoke to wife.

B'hatzlachah



Wow. you took my breath away. Seems like years of pain followed by years of hard work (and pain?). I hope that your life is giving you more peace these days. You are an inspiration.

One thing that you wrote bothered me. You wrote about "opening up for real" meaning that other members know who you are. Are you saying that there is no point to posting and reading posts anonymously. Isnt that the point of GYE, to allow people who may be uncomfortable in another setting to get chizuk about this uncomfortable topic without having to worry about their reputation (read: ego if you will)? 

There is a point, but to gain recovery, it is a much bigger step when it is real.
It probably can be done without it.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 22 Feb 2016 20:25 #278774

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If i may interject my personal thoughts here... (read butt in)

In regards to addicts, there is no way to truly recover anonymously without going face to face with another human being and working the steps. We may discover a new way at some time in the future, but in all the experience that people have had for 40 years, this is the only thing that leads to lasting recovery and sobriety. In that case though, even if you are not ready for it, GYE is a great starting point to get comfortable. And it will definitely help, and can help A LOT.. but still only  to a point....

For non addicts, GYE can be exactly what you need to strengthen yourself and realizing that you are not alone, have others facing and feeling the same, hearing good eitzos, inspirational vorts etc... maybe be perfect. 


 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 22 Feb 2016 23:33 #278796

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OTR wrote on 22 Feb 2016 20:25:
If i may interject my personal thoughts here... (read butt in)

In regards to addicts, there is no way to truly recover anonymously without going face to face with another human being and working the steps. We may discover a new way at some time in the future, but in all the experience that people have had for 40 years, this is the only thing that leads to lasting recovery and sobriety. In that case though, even if you are not ready for it, GYE is a great starting point to get comfortable. And it will definitely help, and can help A LOT.. but still only  to a point....

For non addicts, GYE can be exactly what you need to strengthen yourself and realizing that you are not alone, have others facing and feeling the same, hearing good eitzos, inspirational vorts etc... maybe be perfect. 



 

I agree with everythin' except with the absolutes stated in the beginnin'.
There are many ways for an addict to recover.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 23 Feb 2016 02:19 #278815

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OTR wrote on 22 Feb 2016 20:25:
If i may interject my personal thoughts here... (read butt in)

In regards to addicts, there is no way to truly recover anonymously without going face to face with another human being and working the steps. We may discover a new way at some time in the future, but in all the experience that people have had for 40 years, this is the only thing that leads to lasting recovery and sobriety. In that case though, even if you are not ready for it, GYE is a great starting point to get comfortable. And it will definitely help, and can help A LOT.. but still only  to a point....

For non addicts, GYE can be exactly what you need to strengthen yourself and realizing that you are not alone, have others facing and feeling the same, hearing good eitzos, inspirational vorts etc... maybe be perfect. 



 


Do you really think there is no other way? There are millions of people who've recovered in so many ways- I'm not going to quote all the stats and studies (one of my hobbies) but as the twelve steps says, we know but a little and we don't claim anything about anyone or anything else- just share what we know works for us.

As twelve steps says, we want to appeal through others through the principle of attraction. Many people who hear things stated in such absolutes run in the other direction, especially addicts, bc it forces the method of recovery on them instead of letting them come to it on their own. Even if you believe that what you wrote is true, perhaps said in a less absolute way you might convince others better.

If for your reading pleasure you'd like more information about the various methods that people have obtained lasting recovery with, you can pm me. For this forum, it's irrelevant.
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