Hey RS, yeah,  Motzei Shabbas can be a killer. 

I survived on eating pizza, having a beer, and watching trump rallies over my shvers shoulder.

Good going pal,  tell your wife to take it easy on you 




Have a good one. 

realsimcha wrote on 06 Mar 2016 04:35:

Now that is a killer, even worse than Motzei Shabbos. My hardest time was when I felt my wife was annoyed at me because it made me feel alone, and sometimes it made me feel like I want to act out almost to spite her...
But we know that as relationships go there are ups and downs, and the wife will (hopefully) only be temporarily annoyed. It's not worth acting out for that. 

I can see how loneliness in marriage can be hard when your wife is annoyed at you because your whole life is connected to her unlike single guys can connect to whoever whenever.
Not giving too much constructive advice but feeling your pain and my potential pain in the future. One thing you can do is connect to whoever whenever on GYE! Keep it going!   

Hey Shmirashachaim,

You sound like you have settled with the idea that there will be pain in the future. 
Gd forbid. 

You are on a good path,  keep it up. 

Good things are coming.

 

Yeah, Yesod is right. Shmira, it is hard sometimes when you are married, and things happen and it does feel lonely like BTBH wrote. But it is well worth it. In the end we talked late into the night. We are going through some tough stuff now. Some medical issues that are OBGYN related. [which always makes me think that its Hashem's way of punishing me for acting out. And dont worry I dont really subscribe to that way of thinking but it kind of creeps in...]. But in the end the marriage is still what keeps me sane. And the precious moments - for me - far far outweigh the hard times. But BTBH, you are right that the overwhelming feeling when we are not getting along well is lonliness. I am so so sensitive to being lonely. And I clearly remember beign a bachur and being painfully lonely [i didnt act out in those days. wouldnt hav even known what to do...]. I remember wishing i had that close relationship. Now I have it. but its with someone who is also a person. Surprise !  so sometimes when she is going through her stuff or we are not treating each other as we should, stuff happens. and that is lonely. and i have totally octed out over the years out of that lonliness/anger. But its stupid because in the end we make up and i have this huge guilty secret that i am humiliated about. Baruch hashem last night, posting helped, and i pulled through. Now things are better at home. and i dont have anything to hide.

you guys are amazing. thanks for being there. and thats my post for ... Day 27!

27! That's a chazaka to the 3rd power,  awesome.  

Real Simcha, I love your attitude and posting style in general. You manage to come up with a thought provoking idea every day. Your dedication to posting is quite impressive. Keep up the good work. I'm confident you'll make it! 

Day 28: Posting at the end of the day, i usually like to post earlier but it was just one of those days. Today was so busy that there was no time to think about acting out and I know that that itself is something to be grateful for. I just have to watch out for the entitlement thing. I wonder if anyone else has had that. You know, when you just had such a hard day or such a stressful day or were so good that this voice in your head tells you that you "deserve" a brief look at this or that. I know. I know. Its insane. Why would I deserve to kill myself?! Why would I deserve to wallow in muddy smelly garbage?!??! but for some reason its there. so i am officially being mechazek myself to get to sleep asap and to finish the day as it started. thanks to you all for reading, commenting, encouraging... where would i be without you.... I will try not to think about that ... 

Day 29: I think I am suffering from what I call "the other shoe syndrome." That's the feeling that I have been clean for so long [ok, dont laugh, to me it feels long] that somehow it is not going to last. I wish I can just work this day by day without starting to ask myself "will I never act out again?" etc. Thats the fear of the other shoe dropping. It may not be an official ailment --- but it ails me ... stay strong chevra!

You are a source of inspiration simcha, keep it up!

As long as you got your shoes on, keep on pressing the gas pedal with it, we will worry about the shoe falling off when it falls off.

Chazak V'emutz

realsimcha wrote on 08 Mar 2016 20:13:



If I would ask myself the question, "will I ever/never act out again?" The answer would no doubt be that I will....It is too enjoyable.

What do I do? I never ask myself that question. It is useless to think about.

B'hatzlachah

Rest of the day didnt go so easily. I was wiped out so it was a bit of a lazy day. ended up wasting lots of time on the computer. no acting out. but... i am starting to feel that helpless feeling of not being able to pull out from under the weight of laziness and stuff not done. In my regular cycle I would get frustrated with myself now and start searching for "better" stuff to watch online. the more frustrated I would be the less control I would have ... yuch!!! .... I just know that cycle too well. But doing it right this time is not easy either. I have to get myself together, and get to the mountain of bills waiting for me [yay!!], and a million other things that i have been procrastinating. I feel like I am standing up from a laying position with a million pounds on my back. I hope I will have the koach. thanks for "listening"...

Join a whatsapp group and write a list in the mornin' of what needs to be done. Check it off as you go.

cordnoy wrote on 09 Mar 2016 00:52:

hmmm.... i dont have a smartphone. for good reason. any other way that we can get same result? 

realsimcha wrote on 09 Mar 2016 00:55:

Text.
Paper.
Computer.