Hope this is in the right place. My question is this.

On the one hand, we are always told how terrible the Aveira is, and how difficult the Yetzer for Arayos is. On the other hand, all the chassidus makes it feel like its not so bad, Hashem forgives etc. I know this secnd tzad is wrong but it almost feels like I'll sin now, do teshuvah tomorrow...

How does one reconcile these 2 ideas?

I have heard  the Ohr Hachaim quoted saying the yetzer for Arayos is TOO strong for us - one literally cannot beat it. (I have never seen this inside so I have no idea if it is true.) If so, what can we do?

A rebbe once told us that in this dor we have to measure a persons Yiras Shemayim by his keeping of Shabbos, but with regards to Arayos we are Oines (forced/faultless.) How can i make myself realise just how disapointed Hashem is when I view Arayos, or how terrible they are, if I'm Oines?

Finally, this is perhaps a childish point but here goes. The gemarah in Sanhedrin talks about a man who fell in love with a woman so badly he was bedridden. The story is Yaduah so I wont go through it now, but one thing bothers me. The gemarah says because he beat this Yetzer, he received a light over his head, and Rashi (I believe) speaks of how this man became Mar Ukvah, one of the greatest men ever on planet earth. But whenever I resist the Yetzer, there's no glow. No light. I don't suddenly become a gadol. What is the gemarah telling us?

Thank you for taking the tie to read this, and may Hashem grant us all mush Siyatta Dishmaya in the future.

Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 16 Apr 2019 17:10:

That Rebbe should post that on his website and instagram. He will experience a markz (darn auto correct) increase in amount of chassidim. Heck, I'll even join!

He is a Yeshiva Rebbe, and was quoting someone in Chinuch, not sure who.

Do you have any of the answers to my questions?

Thanks

The Ohr Hachaim is in The coming Parshas Hashovua (Achrei Mos) 18:2.

Here is a short quote, where he reveals our "secret weapon".

ולצד שיאמר אדם כי אין מעצור ברוחו בדבר זה, לכן הקדים ה' בתחלה דברו הטוב ואמר דבר אל בני ישראל ואמרת אליהם אני ה' אלהיכם, כי הן אמת במין אנושי זולת ישראל ישנו בטענה זו כי לא ימצא בכחו למנוע עוצם חשקו ממנו מה שאין כן אתם בני ישראל לצד היותי ה' אלהיכם והיא השגה אלהות בכח האלהי ינוצח כח הטבעי גשמי, כי הצורה תשלוט בחומר כשיסכים איש ישראל להתדבק בה' אלהיו ישלוט בטבעו, והוא כמאמרם ז''ל (ב''ר פל''ד) שאמרו הצדיקים לבם מסור בידם והרשעים הם מסורים ביד לבם.

it would seem the reconciliation to q's 1 & 3 would for a perspective on before the aviera and after the aviera.

in regards to 4. your talking about a tanna. your talking about people who were able to resurrect the dead. yet, the gmara (in kidushin?) says that when they spoke disparagingly about people who do avieros, the yetzer hara took a personal interest in them, and had hashem not stepped in, they would have failed. im going to take a leap of faith here and assume the yezter hora that mar ukva had was far greater than all our yetzer horas combined.

but be that as it may, obvs, that was a dif gen. (i would still assume that with putting in all the "equalizers" to compare us with them, his yh still has us beat. but even if im wrong) OF COURSE YOU HAVE THE LIGHT!! when you conquer the yetzer hora on a bad urge, you shine like the sun! you have to be on the madriega to see it though. in the times of the gmara, their eyes were able to comprehend such things. nowadays, yechidie sgula, if any. but rest assured, its there.
as to who cares if its there if you cant see it. that i dont know. but whatever it accomplished in the days of the gmara, (and you can be sure that point was not that his neighbor should see) its still going to tu oif. 

all the best!!

(oops, misunderstood 4. sorry)

I love the fact that you are asking real questions - you'll go far. 

In answer to the Chassidus point - I come from a different Mesorah (a more litvish / yeshivish one) that doesn't work that way (menaing having a Hashem who just smiles and says its okay). In my time I have explored different aspects of different parts of Yiddishkeit and gained immensely from them, however the blissful approach that its all going to be alright, doesn't speak to me. It's hard to address the exact point as it requires a long schmooze and an even longer post which on Erev Erev Erev pesach I don't have time for :-) 

In terms of the last point, the normal yeshivish approach would be - Yeridas Hadoros. It would be argued that their Yetzer was even bigger than ours and their potential likewise bigger. Not my favourite idea as its not provable and doesn't fit with my reality of a very big Yetzer!! More realistically for me, we simply don't have those types of things nowadays. Our Torah and Yiddishkeit has changed from Ruach hakodesh of the Tannaim to a different type of yiddishkeit. 

These are totally valid questions that you can ask a Rebbe in yeshiva who has more time to answer them. Honestly, they are not crazy questions and can easily be phrased in a Pareve way that doesn't give away your privacy. EVERY straight boy in Yeshiva looks at girls (okay, maybe, maybe there are one or two really Frum ones and apologies to our SSA brethren) so the question is totally normal and valid.

As I said at the top, if you are asking these questions you are going to go far. Carry on learning.   

I'm sure I wrote a longer response before Pesach, no idea where its gone...

Anyway thanks for the answers. I may discuss my questions with my Rebbe when I get back too Yeshiva. He's intelligent and understanding, so it may do me good. 

May Hashem grant us all Hatzlocha and Bracha