Mazal tov on becoming a full member (100 posts!!)  :D

Nothing gets me to laugh, like the milsa d'bichisa on this forum. (Actualy nothing else gets me to laugh at all)
AND IT'S GREAT!!! It's exactly what I need. Thank you so much!

I was talking to some guy on shabbos that I realized was drinking a bit to much Alcohol at a Kidush, and as a joke I told him that after watching the amount of Alcohol he was drinking I think he should join a AA Group.

So he turns to me and says, " Neh! I Can't Do That, AA is for Quitters!" lol

E.L.

Why do Chasidim wear long jackets & Litvakes wear short ones?

So I heard this gevaldiger vort the other day that I would like to share with you.

It says that the Jews clothing while they were in the Desert got cleaned by the clouds & Grew along on them, with them as they grew the 40 years they were in the desert.

To understand what happened Its Important to stress this fact that All Jewish Bochrim actually started out with Long Jackets by there Bar Mitsvah. But what happened was this.

The Chasidishe guys that always wore thier jackets no matter what the weather, there jackets grew along with them, but the Litvakes were very hot in the desert and they had to take off there jackets so after a 40 year period that the jacket was only on a few hours a day it didn't grow along with them so they ended up with short jackets.

Come to think of it, I'm trying to picture a forty year old guy that started out as a baby in a stretchy in the Desert. Hmmmmm?! kinda interesting looking! A 40 yr. Old in a stretchy?! lol

E.L.

gave me a good laugh...

Did it again!!!

Its a shtikel on the brink but I will let it pass if no one objects to it.

E.L.

rabbeinu efshar
im atta maamin se-efshr likal-kel  vadie vadie....

EFSSHAR LITAKEYN!!!

love
bardichev

Awright this one is for BARDIVHEV

The only reason I can say it in Bais medrash is because I read that the great tzadik Reb Shlomo Freifeld z"l liked this joke!!

Three tired and hungry  hobos knocked on the farmers door and begged for a place to rest their weary bones. Feeling bad for them, the farmer agreed that they could stay in the barn for the nigh as they long as they dare not come into the farmhouse.

Being that they hadn't eaten maybe for days, in middle of the night one of the hobos decided that he would brave  it and sneak into the farmhouse and forage for some food.  Sure enough a little while later he comes back with some food and tell the others that while he was in the house the farmer gave a shout "who's there?" And the hobo responded "meow".
So hobo # 2 decideds that he too will brave it and crawls towards the farmhouse. A few minutes later he's back with same story, the farmer shouted "who's there?" and the hobo answers "Meowwww meowww". 
The third hobo hears all this and says now its my turn, and sets off crawling to the farmhouse. All of a sudden BOOOOM there erupts a LOUD GUNSHOT BlAST and like an arrow breathlessly hobo # 3 comes panting bach to the barn.  "What happened they asked him?" He replied "I don't know when the farmer shouted who's there I answered "its the darn cat again""
Lol lolI read it in the book" Reb Shlomo", a great book that I enjoyed immensely and its  very well written!
Nb

A priest has real tzurus. On a daily basis ganavim come to his home, and take what ever they want, and whenever they want. Nebech, he feels so helpless.
  Suddenly a thought enters his mind. "The Rabbi of the city is a very smart man, I will ask him for some advice. Maybe he can help me."
  The priest goes to the Rabbi's house, and knocks on his door. The Rabbi is a bit surprised to see this visitor here, and he asks him, "what's wrong, why do you look so down?" 
  The priest tells the Rabbi his entire story on how the thieves frequent his house, and there is nothing he can do to stop them. "Maybe you have some advice for me", asks the priest.
  The Rabbi walks over to his bookcase, and opens a drawer. He comes back to the priest and says to him, "this is a mezuza. If you attach it to your door post, it will guard your home from all evil."
  The priest runs home happily, and immediatley puts up the mezuzah.

A few weeks pass, and the Rabbi bumps into the priest in the market place. He sees that he looks a bit down, and out. So, he asks him..."How is everything going...did you do what I told you to do?"
  The priest replies:, "Yes, it was just like you said. I put up the mezuzah on my outside doorpost, and immediately the thieves stopped coming to my house.
  "So, then why do you look so depressed?"  asked the Rabbi.

Because now every day I have groups of Schnororim (beggars) knocking and standing outside my door"!

Hope im allowed in here....

In a slalom race, the skier must pass through about 20 "gates" in the fastest time.  Well, it happened that a very Orthodox yeshiva in Montreal had an exceptional skier among its students.  So fast, that in practice, with tzitzis streaming out behind, he had beaten the world record several times. 

After first checking to make sure none of the men's slalom races would be on the Sabbath, he tried out for and made the Canadian Winter Olympic team.  With his times in the trial heats, he was the favorite for an Olympic gold medal. 

Came the day of the final, the crowd waited in anticipation.  The French champion sped down the course in 38 seconds, the Swiss in 38.7 seconds, the German in 37.8 seconds, the Italian in 38.1 seconds. Then came the turn of the Canadian yeshiva "bocher."  The  crowd waited, and waited........

Finally, after a full five minutes, he crossed the finish line.

"What happened to you?" screamed his coach when the skier finally arrived. 

Breathing hard, the exhausted yeshiva student replied, "All right, who's the wise guy who put a mezuzah on every gate?"

Maybe laughter is NOT the best medicine, but its definitely from the top 10

thanks me and 7up

NB, Me, & 7Up thanks for adding & taking part in my "Simche" they were all gr8.

bardichev,

it wasn't that bad. You can only be Mesaken the 1st one by replacing it with a new one.

E.L.

Some of the other threads are depressing me, so I figured I'd post something here instead:

RECALL NOTICE
Regardless of make or year, all units known as "human beings" are being
recalled by the Manufacturer. This is due to a malfunction in the
original prototype units code named "Adam" and "Eve" resulting in the
reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect is
technically termed, "Serious Internal Nonmorality," but more commonly
known as "SIN."

Some of the symptoms of the SIN defect:
[a] Loss of direction
[b.] Lack of peace and joy
[c] Depression
[d] Foul vocal emissions
[e] Selfishness
[f] Ingratitude
[g] Fearfulness
[h] Rebellion
[i.] Jealousy

The Manufacturer is providing factory authorized repair service free of
charge to correct the SIN defect.
The Repair Technician, Hashem [Gd], has most generously offered to bear
the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. To repeat,
there is no fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is:

PRAYER.
Once connected please upload the burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE
procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Hashem,
into the heart component of the human unit. No matter how big or small
the SIN defect is, Hashem will replace it with:
[a] Love
[b.] Joy
[c] Peace
[d] Kindness
[e] Goodness
[f] Faithfulness
[g] Gentleness
[h] Patience
[I.] Selfcontrol
Please see the operating manual, TORAH, for further details on the use
of these fixes. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available
to all repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring and
assistance from the resident Maintenance Technician, Hashem. Repaired
units need only make Him welcome and He will take up residence on the premises.

WARNING: Continuing to operate a human being unit without corrections
voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to dangers and
problems too numerous to list, and will ultimately result in the human
unit being incinerated.

Thank you for your immediate attention.
Please assist by notifying others of this important recall notice.

7Up,

Thanks, Thanks & did I say Thanks?!

I just came from the other Threads you are referring to, as they say "The House Is On Fire" OY VEY! I feel the same way.

This was a breath of Light Fresh Air.

E.L.