Hello
I have been struggling ever since I started adolescence with porn and masturbation and phone sex.
I am now married and the struggle still continues.
I never told my wife about my struggle and she is in the dark.
I want to start SA but do to personal reasons I can not figure out a way to leave the house and attend a meeting without my wife catching on to it.
I am working on it and hopefully will be able to attend in person shortly.
For the time being the struggle is hard and at times feel out of control. 
I am holding on for dear life to anything I can hold on to.
I don't want to sink.

Lost In Search wrote on 30 Jan 2022 09:34:

Sorry to hear about your intense struggles. 
Did you look into GYE's new Flight to Freedom program?
f2f.guardyoureyes.org/
You don't need to attend any meetings for it and many people are seeing great results... 

DavidT wrote on 30 Jan 2022 15:10:

Thank you david for your recomendation.
I think I need the SA meetings in person because of my addiction level and the length of my struggle.
But I will give it it a shot for the time being until I can start meetings  in person.
I looked it up. It looks really  interesting.

The F2F program is not contradictory to SA, they can be done together.  

Hi LIS, I've been in SA since October of 2020 without ever going to an in person meeting. I attend multiple phone meetings which a full list of all the meetings can be found on this page by clicking on the Download Flyer link. www.sa.org/meetings_phone/
My circumstances have not allowed me to attend in person meetings but I have found these phone meetings to be just as effective for me to fully engage the program. I would strongly suggest you at least try to join a phone meeting once and see how it goes. I can be contacted through pm or partner program. Hatzlocha with your journey of recovery!! 

clean830 wrote on 31 Jan 2022 17:37:

hi from me; i have seen most of your posts, and my suggestion would be to speak with someone real first (before sa). perhaps hhm, maybe a mentor/rebbe or teacher. seems that you need a talk first. reliance on filters is not for everyone, and although you haven't perfected all your devices - if any, the first step, i think, would be for some real accountability. i'm not against sa; i have been there, but i think there may be other second first steps for you.

regional office for the pacific islands region, including tonga, nauru and tuvalu, exploring the affects of climate change on folks with sexual addictions

Trouble wrote on 31 Jan 2022 17:57:

Good point about speaking to someone to receive some direction. However, there is always a risk losing the "rock bottom" feel an addict feels that generally is the only motivation to get into program and really begin hard recovery work. To a true addict "pushing off" going to an SA meeting, in order to first speak to a mentor/rabbi teacher etc. can be the difference between getting into recovery or not. Someone who senses he's an addict and SA will help him loses nothing by getting into a meeting ASAP. If after going to a few meetings he realizes it doesn't resonate with him and he feels he's not an "addict", and needs to choose a different path for recovery in this area, great. He hasn't lost anything by attending a few meetings. But, in contrast if he is an addict and he pushes off getting into the program that can literally be the difference between beginning a journey of recovery or not!!

clean830 wrote on 31 Jan 2022 19:24:

thank you for this; i don't agree, but that's fine.

Thanks!! I appreicate the opportunity to broach opinions in a respecrful way!! We can agree to disagree. I might be wrong, I was just saying my opinion based on my own experiece and what I have seen on my recovery journey. 
I will just expand a little on my previous post to clarify the point I was making. Overall there is a vibe I personally sense on the forum that resonates through many posts along the lines of "don't assume you're an addict, many people just struggle and are not addicts and can use other tools". While I definitely recognize that this without a doubt is true for some members of GYE, there is also a portion of members of GYE that are lost, are addicts and when they read these posts get the sense "ok i just have to continue fighting", "get a better filter" "speak to a Rav", "be more accountable" etc. etc. And unfortunately in almost all sceanrios these routes will NOT work for someone who has an addiction. This is why to me it's risky posting anything that can possibly deter someone who truly needs it from entering a 12 step recovery program...

If your truly thinking of 12 steps, check in with Dov

wilnevergiveup wrote on 31 Jan 2022 05:53:

I dont really see that, unless it's a non-addict who is enjoying ideas from SA, but not really doing the 12 step program, same visa versa. But they are very different programs.

Trouble wrote on 31 Jan 2022 17:57:

Thanks everyone for their suggestions.
For me personally I feel that I need something more than a rebbe, I have been speaking to my rebbeim all my life and very open about my struggle and they were very understanding and helpfull but they always focused on the ruchniyus side of it, in my case I don't look at it like a ruchniyus battle because I consider myself to be a baal bitochon and yiras shomayim I feel it more to be an emotional and addiction problem.
In my case I feel that either SA in person or on the phone is the best option.
It happens to be that I have been on Dov's phone line around 5 years ago for a few weeks but then I stopped calling in because I didn't feel that got anything out of it. I'm not putting down his phone group it's just my personal expierience. I didn't feel any connection with anyone else on the phone line, to me it it sounded  more like a shiur and everyone listening in rather then it being a group call.
I spoke recently to dov and he thinks I should join SA in person.
For the time being I can not yet join a meeting without my wife realizing so I decided that it's not worth going if she will find out about it.
I would rather wait untill I can join without her knowing about it or maybe try again something on the phone.

Hakolhevel wrote on 01 Feb 2022 01:24:

What about the F2F program can an addict not do?

I am not saying that it will work instead of SA but what's in there that's a contradiction to SA? (Aside from declaring powerlessness)

On the contrary, many of the stuff are things that you will end up doing in SA anyways. It will not be enough for a real addict but I can't see how it would hurt, and I would think he can only benefit from it.

No one said they are the same program, they are actually quite different but what's wrong with an addict hanging out on the F2F program to get a head start on his "step one"?

wilnevergiveup wrote on 01 Feb 2022 14:37:

I am not familiar with the F2F program so can't comment if it can be used in conjunction with attending meetings for SA; however, "admitting powerlesness" over your addiction is one of the absolute core principles and foundations of any 12 step program. If F2F does not work with an admission of powerlesness, and instead allows a person to use tools to "overcome" by himself his addiction, that is not "one area" in which they differ, that is completely not compatible with with 12 steps & SA. You cannot work a 12 step program without an admission of powerlesness.

clean830 wrote on 01 Feb 2022 17:58:

We did...... for years.