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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
TOPIC: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 27298 Views
Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 01 Aug 2011 18:11 #112892
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Visit me at Eye.nonymous official countAnd also check out Additional Tools for recovery
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Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 02 Aug 2011 12:32 #112989
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Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 02 Aug 2011 17:02 #113038
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For Dov and the other two guys who care,
My real name really is Eli Like the original Bendy, Ein hadavar talui ela bee |
Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 23 Aug 2011 03:45 #115852
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Re: Ki Nafalti , Gam Kamti 01 Jul 2015 20:54 #258361
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ben durdayah wrote:
Okay, Now I've learned a few things from this fall, and of course I will share them with you -whether you want me to or not -after all, this is my thread. Good. Thing One I realized that over the last two weeks or so, I have been living the problem -instead of living the solution. I've been concentrating on -or to put it differently, letting the YH distract me with despite tzaddik/avi's most Nuhr Vuss? (for those of you who are Yiddishly challenged that means Nu? So what?) As guard wrote to Uri some light ages ago All of us here,or at least most of here, struggle greatly with depression. We are depressed that we are depressed. And we are depressed that we are in this cycle of depression. Firstly,I would like to clarify a major misconception. Many think that we are depressed cause we are sinning. Our neshama is depressed.Therefore we are depressed. This is not true. I strive to serve Hashem as much as I can (for the most part) I still suffer greatly from depression. Depression can come from several reasons: 1)Chemical imbalance-This happens.Some people are just biologically prone to be depressed. 2)Emotional discontent-Lack of feeling of security and the occurrence of bad circumstances. There are obviously more reasons,but these are two major ones that I think are the basic reasons for depression for people like us here at the forum. We are not to blame for our depression! We are not bad people! We do not "deserve to be depressed"! Depression is not something to fight. It is something to heal. If it is chemical imbalance,medicine helps greatly for this. We can accept what Hashem gives us with love. He gives us happiness soemtimes,and He makes us depressed sometimes. Reb Tzadok says that this is to be mechaper avonos. Because as we all know,depression is like hell sometimes. So Hashem thank You! More often,it is discontent inside of us. All of us here have this. That's why we're here,isn't it. This is something we are working on. It takes time. It will be healed. Do not worry. So when you are depressed,don't say to yourself: "O man!Why can't I just be happy?!" This is where Hashem put us right now. I have no control over my circumstances, I can control how I deal with my circumstances. But the truth is that for me it's an uphill battle because I am a pessimist by nature (yes I know I'm a lousy pessimist, and yes I know that nobody will read this anyways, can you guys just shoot already and get me out of my misery? I knew that you wouldn't! I can't do anything right!  just kidding! I know that if there's anything I'm good at -there most probably isn't, but if there is -it's pessimism). The truth is that -even without my addiction -Hashem hasn't dealt me an easy hand this past year, vakm"l, and I am waiting for many yeshuos (as unworthy as I am... which brings me to thing two... Thing Two I ben durdayah wrote on 30 Dec 2010 09:26: D. I will bl"n l try to stop focusing on the damage that I'm doing to my parnossah, learning, children's chances for hatzlachah etc. -all of that isn't really dependent on me at the end of the day, rather it's dependent on Rachmei Hashem -which is Eyn Sof. I will try to start focusing on the damage I'm causing to my relationship with Hashem and to my Neshamah. F. I will bl"n try not to dwell on the past and worry less about the future. I will bl"n try to live this minute as well as I can. I have not been practicing this. As a matter of fact, I have gotten right back on that roller coaster that I claim to want to be getting off. And if I want to get off, I need to get back on the truck/tricycle by reviewing the GYE Handbook -especially the attitude section! Thing Three I'm not a Breslover, but Chilik Frank's Purim disc is still echoing in my ears: "Rabbeinu Tza'ak B'Kol Gadol: Ain Shum Yiush Ba'Olam Klall!" This is a concept that all chassidishe sefarim emphasize -Breslov turned it into an art form. After falling -mammesh moments after -I started thinking to myself: If Hashem expects us not to give up on ourselves, why do I love to torture myself after each slip or fall with the idea that "Maybe this is it and I've run out of chances by the RBSO! Maybe this was the last nisayon that Hashem sent me, and He was giving me 'one last try to prove myself'. Now I'm really in for it! etc. etc."? Aderabbah -Chazal say Hashem keeps all of the Mitzvos. If we're not supposed to be me'yaeish -certainly He isn't me'yaeish from us. I've got to concentrate on the 'Ki Sheva (and sometimes shmoneh, shmoneh esrei, shmonim, shmonah meios...) Yippol Tzaddik VeKum'! My life's not over... Thanks Chilik! Thing Four Timing, timing, timing... When did Amalek come? After Krias Yam Suf. When did the Yidden make the Golden Calf? Right after Mattan Torah. (I want to add here a vort from the Kozhnitzer Maggid [Avodas Yisroel, Parshas Balak], besheim the heilige Bardichever [the zeide, not the einikel] but this is already much too long.) This is the way that menuval works. He shows up when we think we're doing well, and then he attacks. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. But from the timing of this last fall, I think I see with my very own eyes how much the YH wants the atzvus and yi'ush. I might have fallen -but he doesn't deserve such a present... And so I posted a colorful "Fell Shmell" this time. Thing Five Thank you Guard (where's Yosef HaTzaddik?) for setting up the 90 day chart in such a fashion that it records cumulative clean days -not just the big 90 day streak. In this kind of situation -it's a gevaldig Since I've started my journey here, I've had 80 clean days. Okay, so they weren't 'retzufim' -but that's not the point. It helps me accentuate the positive. The Menuval wants me to concentrate on the slips and falls -even though they can be measured in (maximum) hours (!). What's that compared to the clean seconds, hours, days and minutes? The cumulative count helps me focus on that. The 90 day challenge is a proven tool which helps reprogram the addicted mind -but it's not the be all or end all. I do hope to reach 90 straight clean days. But the focus on the 90 can sometimes take away from the "One day at a time" which is crucial, and which is what will b'ezras HaTatty keep us clean beyond 90. Okay, that's more than enough for now. Defiantly yours, E. ben Durdayah There has gotts be somethin' for everybody in this helluva marathon of a post! |
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My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin  Warning: Spoiler!Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?" MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED. |
