Wow! the Rebbe Alayn in my own little Hoif!!! I don't know if you can even call it...yikes...a pub! For shame!
Zemmy: To be Frank(lin) If you like this 'ben' better than your old ones....please feel free to leave them over here on your next visit; I don't know why, but the Rebbe seems to like them more than the other papierne
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I want to share with you all a post I had written on a different thread, which IMHO shocked me, I couldn't believe that these words actually past the threshold of my keyboard (me? little old self critical me? writing such things? brrrrrr...the YH would turn over in his grave if he could see this...may he reach his grave bimheyra biyumeinu ooomain):
On the one hand, I hear what you're saying...
On the other hand, I think that being a 'faker' is not determined by the fact that a person has issues which are not reflected in his chitzoniyus. A 'faker' is called a 'tzavua' by Chazal, someone who acts as Zimri and demands the rewards of Pinchas. A Yid -as far as he might have fallen in the past -who has the humility to take stock of his life and admit that he is powerless in controlling lust, and finds that his life has become unmanagable because lust has been controlling him, and therefore wants to give over the reins to Hashem, and do what he has to to deal with his issues, is no longer living a double life. Not everyone who has killed someone CH"V in the heat of passion is a 'Murderer' and not everyone who hasn't killed someone in a year is an ex-murderer (just wait 'till he gets out, he gonna @#$#% that @#$#@ who got him in this #$^$#% jail....'nuff said). What you have done is not necessarily the essence of who you are, it's the YH who wants to convince you that your essence is bad...
If you wind up 90, or even 9889 days and then fall CH"V then you're not a faker, but today you're a faker until you hit the 90? Is the 90 day journey the end or the means to a bigger end? As long as we're on the road away from those things that USED TO make you FEEL like a faker -we are for real, the YH is a faker!
Such a Yid realizes that he has truly acted in Zimri style, and is not asking for Pinchas type rewards...He just wants to stop doing Zimri style things no matter what...even though he might slip and fall on the way...Is he a faker?
Is he a 'faker' just because Zimri and Pinchas wear the same style clothing (black yarmulke, hat, jacket, and pants, white shirt of course...shape and length of which depends on who you associate with
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!) ??? Who says that he is a faker -Pinchas on the outside and Zimri on the inside? The only time someone is a 'faker' is when he is faking himself out. And if other people view you in a positive light, why does that have to bother you per se? Au contraire, let it be a standard for you to meet.
Do people with other issues feel a need to share them with the general public? Is a seriously ill person (you know which machlah I mean) who tries to conceal his ill health from the public considered a faker?
If you've started on the GYE path, the first thing you need to get is the GYE attitude -it's different from the one you might have had until now, but it's quite contagious.
YOU ARE NOT A SICKO! YOU ARE NOT A WIERDO! YOU ARE NOT A SHAYGETZ!
AND YOU ARE NOT A FAKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU ARE HASHEM'S CHILD, YOU'VE BEHAVED IN A WAY WHICH MAKES A MESS OF YOUR LIFE, AND YOU'RE LOOKING TO CHANGE. YOUR MIND HAS BEEN RAVAGED BY SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR, AND YOU WANT TO HAVE IT REWIRED.
And you've come to the right place.
So keep the name if you want, change it at 90 if you want, but you're Jewish and you're not a faker.
PS
It's good I only have two hands.... KOT!!!