All the good things in mny life came through pain.

We each
Have gifts
To give
To one another

Aish Article


Way #26: Know Your Place
by Rabbi Noah Weinberg


Every person has a unique contribution to make in this world. Figure out who you are, and where you fit into the grand scheme.

Imagine the accountant standing in a roomful of doctors and pontificating on medical science. How foolish he sounds!

A key ingredient in wisdom is to know who you are, and where you fit into the greater scheme of things. Arrogance is a major barrier to growth. The "know-it-all" is smugly satisfied. Don't be arrogant, don't be satisfied. Realize how little you understand. If you appreciate that wisdom is your most valuable possession, then you'll push for more.

Way #26 is hamakir et mikomo - literally "know your place." Do you know where you stand in relation to others? Realistically evaluate your strengths and weaknesses.

By learning how to make that calculation, you'll know when you're best suited for the job at this moment. If you are, then don't be held back by false modesty. It's your obligation to step forward and take the lead. On the other hand, it also means knowing when others are more suited, and stepping back into your place.

Sometimes, silence is golden. The Talmud teaches that, "A person should not speak in the presence of someone greater than him in wisdom." Don't be too quick to throw in your two cents worth.
You can think the world of yourself, only to walk into a room of geniuses and find out that you have a lot more to learn. Or you can be down on yourself, only to walk into a room of under-achievers and find out that you're not so bad after all.

The Sages speak about carrying two slips of paper - one in the right pocket and one in the left. On one paper is written: "The entire world was created just for me" (Talmud - Sanhedrin 38a). On the other paper is written the words of Abraham: "I am but dust and ashes" (Genesis 18:27).
Know your place. Before you begin talking, stop to think: Is this a time to step forward, or a time to step back?
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YOUR SPECIAL ROLE
Each human being possesses a unique combination of personality, talents, timing and circumstances - a specific role to play in this world. Our role is dependent on many factors - not only our innate talents, but also on the needs of the times.

The important thing is to discover your unique contribution - and fulfill it.

The Torah tells us that one day Moses saw an Egyptian taskmaster killing a Jew.
"And Moses looked all around, and when he saw that there was no man, he took action." (Exodus 2:11-12)
Why does the Torah tell us "there was no man"? Because Moses was checking to see if someone else was available, someone better qualified to do the job. Because if you reach for leadership when it's not necessary, then you're doing it more out of your own desire than for the needs of the people. Only when Moses saw there was nobody else qualified, did he take action.
Knowledge is responsibility. If you know something, you're responsible to share it and act on it. That's part of knowing your place.
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EVALUATE THE SOURCE

To avoid costly misjudgments, learn how to evaluate other people's opinions. We often assume that someone is wise because he's older, or has more experience, or occupies a high position. But it's not necessarily true - just because someone is successful in business doesn't mean he can tell you how to stay happily married.

When someone expresses a viewpoint, put it into perspective: Does this person know what he's talking about? Or is he just a know-it-all?
On the other hand, when your knowledge is insufficient, don't let your ego get in the way. We all like to think we have enough common sense to figure out what to do in life, but sometimes you need to turn to others for aid.
If you're contemplating marriage, find a wise person and ask: How should I prepare myself for marriage? What character traits should I be looking for in a spouse? How will I know when I've found "the right one"?
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KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW

Sometimes we lack confidence in our position, because "who's to say that any one view is right?"
The 48 Ways says: You can attain absolute clarity. For example, you have absolute clarity of the fact you have five fingers. Nobody can talk you into believing you have 75 fingers. You can count those five fingers on your hand. There is so much evidence to support the claim, that it's an unshakable conviction.

Judaism says: We have to get "five-finger-clarity" about all our beliefs and values.

One way to gain confidence is to work out definitions. You're planning to get married. Are you in love? What is love? How does love differ from infatuation?
Love is built on knowledge. The more intimate the knowledge, the more you can love. How do you know if you are in love or infatuated? If you hear yourself saying, "He's perfect," or "She's perfect!" then beware! That's not reality. That's a sure sign of infatuation. Real love takes work. You have to be willing to make the effort.

Take responsibility and become real with your decisions. Nothing will just "somehow work out." You have to make the appropriate effort to think through your decisions and understand what you're basing them on. Ask yourself: What's my position on this issue? Do I really know what I'm talking about? Do I have definitions? Do I have evidence for my position? Is that me speaking, or am I parroting something I heard or read?
If you don't assert yourself with confidence, then you'll be manipulated as a puppet of society. And society could be making some grave errors in its approach to life!
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ADJUST YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Being sensitive to others is one of the most important steps in knowing your place. Don't just "be" with people. Notice them. Where are others strong and where are they weak? That will help you better understand where you stand.
Analyze the dynamics of your important relationships. Is it a teacher-student relationship? Or parent-child? Or equal friendship? Or some combination?
By asking these questions, you'll be able to determine if your position is a healthy one. For example, a good marriage is one where both sides share their strengths and complement each other.
On the other hand, you might discover that some of your relationships are power struggles, constant battles for control.
Parents can sometimes treat a child of 25 the same as when he was 15. Or adult children can treat parents as they did when they were little. Correct this.
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KNOW YOUR PLACE VIS-A-VIS GOD

A basic element of knowing your place is to put your relationship with God into perspective. The first thing a Jew does in the morning is to say the "Modeh Ani" prayer:
"Thank you, God, for graciously returning my soul for yet another day."

The higher a person becomes spiritually, the more humble he becomes. As we get closer to God, we become more realistic about our own limitations, vulnerability and mortality. We internalize the reality that every human's position is tenable, and only God is eternal.

Moses was called "the most humble" because when he stood before God he knew his place. Anything else precludes room for God to fit in. That's why the Talmud likens arrogance to idol worship; both push away the presence of God.

In being humble before God, we feel the unity of the world, rather than the self-indulgent, negative energy. We are more relaxed, calm and flexible. This in turn trickles down to all our interpersonal relationships: business partnership, marriage, community and nation-building.

Moses became leader of the Jewish nation because he saw himself solely as a servant of the people and a servant of God. He was able to encompass the needs and yearnings of the entire nation. He was in the right place.
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WHY IS "KNOWING YOUR PLACE" A WAY TO WISDOM?
 ■ When in the presence of someone more knowledgeable, think twice before speaking.
 ■ By understanding others, we can see what we know and don't know.
 ■ Don't be afraid to ask others for advice.
 ■ If you don't take control of your life, you're being manipulated by others.
 ■ If the moment calls for it, take the lead.
 ■ You were created to fulfill your unique role in life.

The removal of jealousy
From our hearts
Is not just helping ourselves
From self-inflicted pain

In truth
The unjealous heart
Helps heal
Our entire nation
& the entire world rectification
Making it a better place
Preparing us
Slowly but surely
To the World of Rectification

May we see this speedily in our days
With our own personal freedom
From painful jealousies
We ourselves can experience
Even in our day
A spark of the essence
Of the world’s perfection
That God designed for us to have
At the end of our Days

Dear Child
Don’t get discouraged
I know you have regret
In your heart
For the mistakes you have made
I forgive you
Rise above
Learn from it
& grow

You can text/email
For constructive purposes
Even to connect to another
In a deep heartfelt way

But this never replaces
The one-on-one,face-to-face
Human interaction
Of the binding of two people
In mutual respect & love

Very often
Text/email
Creates alienation
Even as you “ connect”
You separate from the person
Whom you are texting/emailing
& from yourself
So that it’s a lonely prison
With a mere illusion of connectivity
That isn’t there

I completely agree to that.

Positive Word Power

Day 5 – Painting Self-Portraits
There was a young camp counselor who wanted her bunk of first-grade girls to paint pictures of themselves. She walked around to each girl, giving her a few colors with which to create her masterpiece. To the girls she favored, she gave bright primary colors and soft pastels. To the girls with whom she had difficulty relating, she provided dark, muted greens, browns and grays. With those colors, they had no choice but to paint dull, depressing pictures. Obviously, the paintings of the girls who received the pleasant colors looked much nicer to themselves and everyone else. This counselor, of course, was grossly unfair and did a terrible disservice to her campers.
With each word a person speaks to another, he is providing paint for that person’s self-portrait. Throughout our lives, we collect these colors from the words others speak to us, adding them, a dab at a time, to the image we create of ourselves. Others have the power, through sarcasm and disapproval, to fill our palettes with so many dark colors that we cannot help but paint ourselves in the gloomy tones of incompetence, depression and loneliness. Likewise, we each have the terrible power to do this to others in our lives.
For a parent or teacher, this power is immeasurably potent, for a child is a work in progress. Every word spoken to him is absorbed into his developing personality, becoming part of his psychic structure. A negative word to a healthy, confident adult may sting at first, but it will usually roll off, like rain from a rooftop. For a child, however, these protective layers of self-esteem have yet to be built. Harsh words seep directly into a child’s framework and weaken it. The inner structure is compromised, and the damage may not become apparent for years. By this time, an entire personality has been built out of damaged materials.
Thus, one can visualize the damage being wrought when a 4-year-old who won’t pick up his toys is called a “lazy boy,” or a fifth-grader who brings home a C on her Chumash test is called a “bad student.” These little bits of “water damage” soak into the child’s developing personality, and at a certain point, the labels become part of his permanent structure.
But even a full-grown, competent adult can find his self-image eroded by harsh words sent in his direction. In marriage, in an employer-employee relationship, between friends, in any relationship in which one person’s opinion matters to the other, words have the power to alter someone’s self-image.
Fortunately, this process works just as well in the opposite direction. Words of praise and support also build themselves into a child’s personality. They also color the self-image of those to whom we matter. In every interaction, we can choose to give out the bright colors, the soft, pleasant hues to the people to whom we speak. In doing so, we give them the material they need to paint themselves as bright, pleasant, beautiful people.
In Other Words
I will try to pay attention to the ‘color’ of the words I speak, switching wherever possible to more pleasant hues.

Wow, powerful.

Jealousy
Is often aroused
Not from what you truly lack
But rather
From what you see
Other people have
That you don’t have

If you wouldn’t see
What your friend has
Not paying attention to it
You wouldn’t desire it
Nor be jealous of it
Nor feel any lack of it

So if you do indeed feel lacking
In something that is intrinsic
To your physical,emotional & spiritual health
Ask God directly to help you with it

No reason to agonize
Over what others
May or may not have

If you need money to pay bills
Or for your peace of mind
Ask God directly for it
Why torture yourself
By focusing on another’s money?

The other person’s world
His possessions or lack of them
His abilities of lack of them
His car ,his wife, his brains , his disposition
Cant help you or hurt you
Only God can help you
With what you truly need

So jealousy
Though difficult a struggle
Is a truly
Meaningless & painfully useless feeling
Leading nowhere
Getting you nowhere
& in the long run
Will ruin
Your peace of mind
& happiness.

yechidah wrote:


Thank you Yechida for this post! You wrote it November 15, 2009, but it showed up in a chizzuk email today.

I have been feeling more lustful lately and couldn't put my finger on why that is. Your post reminded me of a concept that I first heard from dov. It's actually in his signature "The heck with me, what can I do for you?". I never realized that selfishness was part of the addiction. I never considered myself to be a selfish person (nor do I think that others look at me as selfish)... but I am.

Being absobed with MY avodas Hashem is a selfish way to look at avodas Hashem. I need to humbly accept what Hashem wants from me. If the baby is crying and I need to stop learning to take care of her, I shouldn't get upset. That is Hashem's ratzon for me now. If Hashem wanted me to keep learning, he would keep the baby sleeping.

I heard a maaseh with a chasideshe rav (maybe I heard it on GYE) who was told by a doctor that he had to eat on Yom Kippur. He said to Hashem "until now I served you by fasting on yom kippur. This year I will serve you by eating on yom kippur".

When I let Hashem run the show, everything gets better. When I try to run it everything gets worse.

That was the gist of this beautiful post by 7UP in today's email.

7up wrote:


Anyway, that was one of the lessons that really helped my recovery. I think I need to strengthen myself in selfless, humble giving, as well as acceptance that Hashem is running the show - really. I don't need everything to work out MY way on MY schedule.

Thanks!

to listen more than one speaks is a great gift

(20 Sivan)

Mourning over
Even a single drop
Of Jewish blood spilled
Into the vast red sea
That combines into our collective grief
Over each pain
Suffered by every single Jew
In every single generation
From the beginning of our existence
Until today

Beautiful.Thank you very much.


For those of you who don't get it, 20 sivan is the anniversary of the first blood libel, when many people were killed.The gedolim made it a fast day that some people still keep (and say slichos on).

thank you inastruggle

also for "Tach VTat" I think-the progroms in poland from 1648-1649