A_new_begining wrote on 28 Jun 2012 10:13:

Have you considered not taking your phone into the bathroom with you? It's yichud you know .

Reb Gibbor, to be alone (even without phone/i-net) is yichud as well : / pshuto kemashmoo

it might sound not the way it was intended to. shalom rav

I hear you loud and clear. The phone is still more dangerous though.

When one has a choice, fine. When one doesn't... well, we always gotta fall back on the filter between the ears.

Just looked at P (on my wife's user profile- just switched it to mine which is protected and i dont know her pw so hopefully this will help) and mstrbtd twice....as per dov's advice I need to take another step.

Would anyone here be willing to give their number to me so I can speak with u (before i fall) ? PM me if so.
Thanks.

fell this morning and then again tonight- i was on my wife's profile and was just fooling ard and we all know how that ends up.
got ome guy's numbers and left one guy a msg

just to add some constructive substance here- I'll be allured by the seductive names and descriptions we all know so well- I'll be allured by the pictures obviously and then when it's over, it is so empty, so repititive- haven't I seen this all before- and what did I gain from it?!
It's all a farce but the mind keeps every new temptation 'fresh' and exciting.
It's pitiful to have a few windows open and wait for them to load and to know that you will soon be seeing disgusting and voyorous images, but not yet. You still have a couple seconds to X everrything out, but you are in a slow haze that doesnt allow you to get out.
May Hashem remind us that what's waiting ard the corner are empty pixels that lead to guilt and frustration and will not make anything sweeter than literally just living a normal, frum, p***- free existence.

StrugglingGuy wrote on 17 Jul 2012 03:22:


Do you really believe that?

Well thats why I said Hashem should remind us
I do enjoy looking at these images in the first few minutes or so. I think its pretty simple that if you look at p*** its bec. it is enjoyable for those moments or else you wouldnt be looking. So what we all do is obviously L'Ta'avon rather than L'Hachis
But afterwards I really do experience a drop-off- all the images and sites start getting nauseating and I feel empty. I also feel that I have seen these all before and its nothing new.....
I have to go now but we should discuss further

i fell again today - my wife's comp prifile was unfiltered and i got an urge
After I made a first time call to someone on the site who encouraged me to go to meetings, read the GYE handboom, look into Taphsic method and also get an accountability partner/software. I cant do all tehse things instantly but I have to start. Here's my current problem- I think things are "cool" just bec I have one clean day. I know we talk abt one day at a time, but sometimes I think everything is ok after that one clean day. I need to understand that everyday the YH is waiting for me and always be on guard. Sounds cliche, but I think its true.

I like your description of getting nauseated by it all and feeling like you've seen it all already (and in fact, you did; human body parts are pretty similar).
Remind youself of this next time you wanna look for those images.
Mottel

Hey SG

I got really frustrated when I read some of your last posts, I think in 3 different times you mentioned you fell because of your wifes profile.

Enough already! what are you doing about this very obvious hole in your fence?? I want you to succeed and this is such an obvious pitfall its frustrating to see you get caught up in it.

Hatzlacha and wishing you the best!
JKG

Hear you. If thinking of 'the YH waiting for me anew every day' were a perspective that actually worked for me, then I'd do it. But it is not, so it can't possibly be Hashem's Ratzon for me, and so I do not use it.

As far as what you really believe, it seems that you are saying that you might believe one thing one day and another thing on another. Your faith in reality is "one day at a time". :-

"One day at a time" does not work by just being sober one day at a time. It only really works if we start practicing living one day at a time. And boy, is it important. It's not the most important ingredient in staying sober or recovery, but all agree that it's a very important piece of it.

But Resisting desire, Shmiras eynayim and Taphsic are all just waiting for failure as patiently as possible, I think. Sitting ducks.

As holy as one may become by not looking, not masturbating, not voyeuring, not exposing himself, or not going wherever...it is still negative sobriety at best. Waiting and seeing how long I can wait...

If it was truly a religious issue alone, then that'd be AWESOME!!

But it is not a primarily religious issue, for an addict. Its context is no longer issura, but sakanta. And hence it is far, far more serious (even halachically) than any aveiro (even wasting sperm).

Hatzlocha.

SG,
How have you been? It was good talking to you the other day. That was a major step in the right direction. It is easy to post here in the anonymous, but to reach out to another person is huge. The White Book talks of progressive victories over lust. That is what we are after - Progressive victories. Making that call was a progressive victory. Each day, each step builds up and allows you to take the next step. i will be in your general area this week and would be happy to meet with you if you are up to it. Call me whenever you want.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD!
chaimyakov

Thanks guys (CY and OM)

To address JKG- You are totally right..it was an ugly pattern. I have BH been successful at signing off of my wife's profile immediately if that is what it is on.

Dov- What I take from your words is that besides for avoiding p and m, we also have to live lives of Limmud HaTorah, Chesed (to others but esp. to our wives and kids), Tefillah, etc. If this is what u meant - I 100% agree with you. I try to learn, daven everyday and to help other people. Someone on the site once said that a key to live fulfilling lives despite our sickness is to b] not focus on our sickness !!!
Focus on Torah, tefillah, chesed, our famalies, food, sports, books, news, the matzav in Israel, etc. etc. All of these things by default act as distractions and distractions (in moderation obviously) are good for us.... yes I might be "addicted" to p and m, but that is not how I will define my day or my life. I am an eved Hashem who hopes to serve the Jewish People now and in the future. And according to Dov (if I understand him correctly) this is not just a "feel good", "it's all good" speech abt p and m - this is a mehalech that we need to implemen in order to side step our urges and avoid a life of destruction and hiding