from a high to a low-

So after a shabbos where I made harchakos from mstrbtion and erotic lit as well as davened what i felt were good tefillos, i fell twice in a short span; once last night and once this morning. Right after the falls,  i felt that since the urge and the yh were so immensely powerful, i felt powerless and concluded there is nothing i could have done this time other than ms**bt... I didnt have remorse basically; I chalked it up to the YH.

the yezter hara seems to have so much patience that even if i go a week clean (which is what i had) the urge can come at any moment...

help appreciated...thanks guys.

Hey StrugglingGuy,

I think Dov said that Satan would always win the employee of the month prize because that crook doesn't stop trying to make us sin.

The only way we can fight back is to constantly be on our guard, by using our time productively and avoiding dangerous activities. Total accountabtility is also essential, at least with ourselves. After all, if we can't even trust ourselves, then we're in a bit of a pickle.

Don't beat yourself up about this fall though. You said yourself that you felt it was unavoidable. Nevertheless, learn from this experience so you can realise that you can hold out when the YH screams that you have to have you 'fix'. After all, he was given power to make us believe we want something that we really don't.

Good luck mate and keep on trucking.

TC,

DesertLion

I did not have have remorse after a fall


Does this happen to anyone else-?

Sorry, I also meant to say that sometimes I don't feel guilty either. I think it's probably bc I've trained myself not to let falls make me depressed. Maybe you didn't feel guilty bc you didn't have total free will at the moment you fell. 

Ultimately, the important thing is that you pick yourself up and keep on going asap.

I hope that helps,

DL

Pick yourself up and keep on going. That's good advice.

As they say around these parts, keep on trucking...

StrugglingGuy wrote on 16 May 2010 17:24:


remorse shmemeorse

move on

keepon trucking!!!!!!!

So I fell again last night twice. The urge to mstrbt was amazingly powerful... I said shema right before, but it did not help- I was just waiting til I finished saying it...

Comments? Aitzot?

sg

Bardi is right.

next exit 10 miles... pick yourself up and keep climbing

okay, you feel, but mate ther e is now nothing that you can do about that accept teshuva,

but there is something which you can do in the future and change,

youve come here so you dod want to stop, even if you dont know, you want to want to stop....#

THE YESHER HARAS TRICK...WHEN YOU WANT TO STOP...it will make you beggg!!

YOU NOW NEED TO MAKE  A LIFE CHANNGINGGGG DECISION NOW!!!!!

if you want to stop you do it now and you do it right and you fight long and you fight hard through thinck and thin... you ready?? doesnt sound appealing? not to me either, id much rather be wasting my seed watchiong the dodgy stuff all day long trust me mate...but we both know (thats y were here) that something way way way bigger is hear, way bigger, its our lives at stake,

ill tell you somethink which a friend once told me...

tke a grain of sand in your hand that tiney grain is worth a thousand years....about on tenth (hopefully slightly over ) is the legth of your be alive
now tae like 20 grains in your palm, your life is now tiney compared to that, almost insignificant....now my frined takle a whole handful of sand....whats your life now.....?
now go get a shovel (dnno if americans say a different word for it, maybe spade of digger or something) and start filling your whole room up if it, keep on shovelling, all thos grains representoing thousdands and gegillians and trillions and billions of years.

right there my frined, represented in this room is the amount of time your neshamo, your beautiful soal HBH gave you will survive, and how much time and space to you have to perfect it and let it reach the best level possible...remeber that origional fraction of the grain of sand...

your on this earth for a fraction of a second mate.... lets make it count.

i have faith, we have faith in you.

so its decision time, now will be the first step in a newfgounded and long journey to recovery, lets to it man, together lets go...

new life!

Sorry to hear that you are having such a struggle. I send you a message.

So I keep fighting the YH off and he keeps coming back.
I start changing my sleeping habits, so he gets me at a work computer. I get a filter on the computer and then he gets me out of my sleeping routine last night.
I asked God to let me kill my YH. I hate it.

I am going to be 22 at the end of the month.

When does a person know when the right time to start looking is? I mean, no one knows me personally, but at some point I need to channel my ridiculous taavos to a mitzva. Besides for that, I might be able to to curb my lust by starting the path towards marraige with live people.

thoughts anyone?

no one can say when you are ready besides for your self, when are you ready? how do you feel your addiction comes into play? i know i am only 15 but maybe i am able to look at it from a different perspective if you don't think so you certainly disregard this reply.

do you have a rav ,rebbe, rebbih, chacham, mori, mashgiach, rosh yeshivah, imam,??

b

I do have rabbeim, but I thought you guys would have some thoughts on it

jeez