Just to be polite to my sweet friends here, this is to report that b"H all is well but I am taking a break from the forum for a while to focus on my own recovery. I will be checking email for PMs, though. The forum is just too much time for me to handle. Maybe for a few weeks, maybe a few months...no way to know, cuz it really is one day at a time. Love you!

Till then,

Dov

Dov - wow, I assume you won't read this as your taking a break but I wish you hatslochoh rabboh with your own recovery, as that is the most important thing. K'shoit atsmecha... also, on the plane you're supposed to put your oxygen mask on 1st before you help others...

To update the rest of the chevra, I started a little rut 48 hours ago and I'm spiraling downward really... I don't know what caused it, to be honest, right now that's not important, I need to figure out how to get out of it.

I have been having a much more fulfilling time the last few months for the most part, but whenever i don't, i seem to slip back into the old habits, without my recovery tools learned over the last 3 1/2 years journey...

What practical actions should i take to get back on the journey...?

you know the practical actions that you have to take.  Time for the mouse to be honest. 
1) you need to get to that meeting;
2) you need to call your sponsor;
3) you have to write down your fears and resentments;
4) you have to PROSTRATE and pray!

lie down now on the floor.  I'll wait.

Still waiting.

Wow you are a stiff necked one!  I'm waiting.

OKAY READY.  SAY IT!!

GCD I OFFER MYSELF TO YOU!!! PLEASE, JUST FOR 24 HOURS, RELIEVE ME OF THE BONDAGE OF SELF.  FOR 24 HOURS ONLY.  MAY I DO YOUR WILL AWLAYS, TO ILLUMINATE THE PATH OF OTHERS.

Dear AHM,
i don't have the answers, edge's ideas do sound good. probably need to take a step out of the comfort zone.
you have my support and prayers
zs

Hardly the one to talk, but when spiraling out of control, go for an hour at a time, a minute at a time, if necessary. Right now, be clean, because that's what's good.

That's what makes us feel good, and happy, too. As much as the other stuff gives us pleasure, and seems so alluring, we know that staying clean feels even better.

I sometimes feel that the hardest thing for me is to get out of those "spirals out of control" your'e talking about. עבירה גוררת עבירה isn't just a nice line, it's really true, only with Hashem's help can we break away from those streaks.
Iv'e also been learning here and working a lot on going one day at atime, if I look only at the present then even if the last week was horrific I can still feel a purpose in standing strong now.
The main battle is to have a working answer to the Y"H's national anthem - "you fell so many times, one more won't do any additional harm, tommmorow is a new day, you can start fresh then". "But no", I retort, "Hashem is giving me a nisayon for this second and now is the time for me not to listen to you, yesterday is over, tommorow will be to late, now I will remain a true עבד השם".

MB i am with you all the way
thats the only way
lets make it a oneway street (highway) (or here in england - Motorway)

it's almost shavuos > cheesecake > cheese > mice > hi AHM!

hi reb ahm

hey, tz, you're late. let's go.

Hi Guys.

I haven't posted here for ages, mostly due to lack of time but I am still in touch with my close friends from here in other ways. I have been seeing a sexual therapist since last winter and I find that it is really starting to make a big difference.

I just wanted to share a slip that I just caught on Thursday night, the likes of which I have not managed before. I had 62 clean days btw, my previous longest stretch was 64 days, 2 years ago which I bH have equalled today. Wednesday and Thursday at work, I took sneak peeks at clips I should not have done and Thursday night I had a major temptation to miss night seder (I don't have a chavrusah atm) and go to an internet café to watch stuff properly.

I have not been to this place for about 3/4 months. I drove around fighting with myself for a while and then I gave in. I parked the car and walked towards the place. When I got outside, it just didn't feel right to go in... I couldn't explain it... like it was beneath me... I really wanted to watch stuff, but not to go in there.

I walked up and down the street a few times for 15 mins fighting with myself and each time I got there, it didn't feel right. So I left and walked back to the car, but I knew I would be in danger if I was on my own, so I called a GYE guy that I have been in touch with for a while who also lives in the UK to tell him. He was going through a rough patch and he told me I gave him tremendous chizuk.

Later when I was in shul, a meshulach approached me for tzedoka and I gave him the £1 I would have spent in the café.

Before I walked away, I felt like I needed it, like my life depended on it, nothing else existed in the world. Once I walked away I felt a beautiful connection, like the sun came out and was shining on me...

Thank you Hashem for getting me through this - I feel this is a major breakthrough for me, I've shown myself I can let go and feel a wonderful connection even after feeling so desperate to act out. I always thought I couldn't get back to normality unless I acted out.

Even though I haven't posted here in 20 months, I just wanted you guys to know that I am still going and that I wouldn't be anyway near where I am in terms of quality of recovery without GYE setting me down the path that I am travelling on. Thanks!!

Anyways, bH the count goes on (I know the number isn't the ikar, it's the quality but it sure helps!)

Wow that's amazing! Welcome back, KUTGW!!!

thank you for sharing

the walking around, the struggling, the backing off....all resonates with me strongly

keep up the good work

thanks so much

wow im so touched by that story, we eyes are full of tears, not to be believed, מי כעמך ישראל, holy yiddishe kinder and here, saying their Nisyoines and hardships, in a lifetime that we dont have the old tzadikim who can show us all, and from their own will they r crying out for help.
im wordless
im amazed
promise u guys im crying now.
please hashem
חנני ה' כי אומלל אני, רפאיני ה' כי נבהלו עצמי.
ונפשי נבהלה מאוד ואתה ה' עד מתי.
its the biggest thing and chizik such a story
THANK YOU 100 times for sharing it with us
wow
ומי גוי גדול אשר לו אלוקים קרובים אליו

great to see my favorite mouse again!
KUTGW