Hi everyone

I'm not sure where the right place to post this is...

I'm a married yungerman mid 20's. I've been struggling with p&m for almost 15 years....

I finally got a clean month.... then 60 days.... then 90 days... then 100  fell on day 100.

It was like falling from the 100th floor... and it really hurts.

I really dont want to go back to how things were. I was a much better father, husband, friend, HUMAN BEING the last 99 days.

I I'm looking for chizuk on how to keep the momentum and not let myself be pulled back down. More than the down itself, I'm worried about being able to keep going and pick myself back up.

Any tips/chizuk?

yerushalmikugel wrote on 23 Mar 2025 21:31:

Shalom Brother and Welcome,

First off, incredible that you reached 100 days! Sorry to hear you hit a bump in the road.

You didn't fall off the building, you merely tripped on a step. You can stand up, brush yourself off, and keep climbing to floor 100+1.

Don't think all your efforts just disappeared. Everything you worked for and gained the last 100 days (fall included) are resources that you keep and use to keep going higher.

Stick around, connect with the amazing chevra here, and you'll BezH be right back on the path.
If you are looking for some additional positive chizzuk, perhaps check out The Battle of the Generation for a positive outlook in this struggle. It's available here on GYE https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation (and also Amazon).

Hatzlacha and keep climbing Brother, from floor 100 and onward.

Hey,

Try not to let one day take away from the 99. Each day is its own challenge and day 100 was very hard. We need to learn from our mistakes and move on stronger. You are not the same person 100 days ago and that fall of one day didn't change the fact that you have grown, it just gave you an opportunity to grow stronger. 
I know how you feel, I had a streak of 108 days and then fell, now BH I am at almost a year clean. Just remember that porn and masturbation doesn't actually make thing easier, they just make things worse in the long run, and life is so much better without it which I am sure you can feel after 99 days clean.

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

Thank you BenHashemBH! Love what you did with the "step"... actual big chizuk

jewizard21 wrote on 23 Mar 2025 21:44:

Like when I started, I saw these guys that had long streaks, like over 100 days and then they fell and I thought to myself that that must feel so uuuugggghhhh More because in my head it makes it feel like "will I actually ever really get this out of me"...

My friend I did 49 days and then fell.  but just keep at it while learning from your mistakes , it gets easier over time and your YH subsides to an extent.   
     Hatzlacha rabah !!!!!!!

For some reason my quote button isn't working, but this is in response to your original post.

Welcome to the warmest family in the world!

Here you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
As has been mentioned, there are many tools here to help you in this fight. Some of them you may be familiar with, some may be new.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program (click here for an explanation of what the vaad is), and the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframin' the struggle, as you mentioned.
Posting is a great way to connect, learn, and grow also. 
(The Hall of Fame Thread is a great compilation of some the great threads on GYE.)

There is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors, as has been mentioned, that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com,   Reb Akiva - mevakesh247@gmail.com iwantlife - iwantlifegye@proton.me minhamayim - minhamayim1@gmail.com amevakesh - amevakesh23@gmail.com

Keep postin', you'll see, the oilam is here for you.

Lookin' forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

My new chizuk for falls:

My 1.5 year old is learning to climb the stairs.

This morning she fell.
Badly.
Like blood and stuff. (BH I wasn't home).

She got a pickle wafer to calm her down.

I came home.
Me: What happened?
Kid: Fell stairs! Wafer!
Me: So what did we learn?
Kid: 'Gain!

[Postscript: Me: scratching my head in confusion.
Maybe it was the wafer??]

Hey

Welcome to GYE!

Sorry to hear about your daughter I hope she's ok.

You raise a really important point, fall = reward. However, they are not comparable.

Wafers do not create anxiety before and after eating them nor do they negatively damage your emotional well being vs porn which creates terrible anxiety before not to consume it and afterwards when we do

wafers which is food is necessary to have in life (perhaps not wafers)  vs porn which we don't need to get through life, the proof being the many millions of people in the world that do not use it and are perfectly happy.

There is a fantastic new book which GYE have just put out called Mindshift, its been completely life changing for many people including myself. Check it out
guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/mindshift

yosefms wrote on 28 Mar 2025 13:15:

You are 100% correct. Sorry if my post was misleading.

BH she's great. Tough kid!

I by no means was trying to compare p&m to wafers.

I was merely trying to bring out the attitude that one can 'get over' the fall and try again. For me, this is the hardest part of my struggle (see above).

yerushalmikugel wrote on 23 Mar 2025 21:31:

The answer is in your question. A kesher with another climber so he will pick you up. 

Yes. Thank you...

I now speak to a mentor regularly and it has been a huge help! more like a crane...

yerushalmikugel wrote on 01 Apr 2025 15:02:

See my pm