Day 132 ב"ה

Day 134 ב"ה

That's gematria דלק!!!!
My friend, you are truly on fire, and you're also the fuel for some other people's fire!

Day 135 ב"ה

Like the "מצה" that represents the soul without the YH!!! Your attacking him and beating him to a pulp!

amevakesh wrote on 18 Mar 2025 14:09:

Thanks amevakesh that's a גרת gematria

Day 136 ב"ה

Day 138 ב"ה

You are getting rid of your "חמץ" in the best possible way!

Day 139 ב"ה

Thank you so much for your daily updates. It gives me personally a lot of Chizuk.

Day 141 ב"ה

I looked at a bunch of very inappropriate videos on YouTube over the last few days. If I don't do something to turn around, past experience tells me it will turn into a full blown fall.

As chaimoigen likes to say, for many of us, myself included this is a living problem more than a lust problem. When I first get clean it becomes a new way of living, living with beating the problem. But one I've been clean for long enough and that initial stage is over I start slipping, because I still haven't learnt how to live with looking at inappropriate content as something that I just don't do.

While I worked yesterday I was listening to a podcast which was an interview of someone in the field I work in. He has previously struggled with various addictions, porn chief among them. But by the time he was 21 he had reached a profound clarity that porn made him into someone he really didn't want to be and dropped it completely. And today he has what sounds like an amazing marriage. It was both inspiring and humbling to hear this non Jew describe this level of maturity that is still beyond me.

Shout out to stopsurvivingandstartliving, happy to see you're back.

Dear Simcha, 

I feel your fear and anxiety coming right thru my screen. 
You are right, see it for what it is, a wakeup call!!! 
When the YH sees that you reached a 141 days, he is upset and needs a win over you., he knows that coming in and fighting you head to head wont work, so he tries a back door. And slowly increases your arousal level untill you will say, shoin its over for now, i need to _____ and finish, i will start from fresh tomorrow.......... I already saw too much and it wont leave my brain untill i do something so its better to do something. Hirhury Avira Kushim etc....... 

DONT FALL FOR IT! 
Scare yourself of what could happen! 
Think how much pain you had last time!
Think how far you have come! 
Think of everyone here who will be really hurt if you fall!
Think about your beautiful soul begging you not to blemish it any more! 
Think about Hashem who loves you more than you can imagine! 

Ill share a recent story. 

I went away to FL for 2 days on a business trip ALONE! Dumb idea, i know. 
I was not in a good mood and watched on the plane ride, at least it was nothing inappropriate. 
I got to the hotal and had nothing to do for the rest of the day, so of course i started watching, at first nothing bad, just cartoons, but the desire kept growing, you know that feeling, alone in FL, bored stiff, nice hotel room, huge TV, JUST GO FOR IT...............
I searched and searched but BH didnt find anything P related BH, but way not kosher. I was so upset you cant imagine................ what the hell is wrong with me? What kind of a loser am i? why didnt i just learn for a few hours, etc.
Next day, i was busy BH all day, but i still watched too much garbage and inappropriate things.  
THe day i went home i reached out to some Guys here among them Muttel and HHM. I dont know how i forgot to reach out before, the YH made me blind. 
We spoke for a few minutes and HHM told me "ON the plane, remember that the TV is Mutzka, not a little bit here and there, Fully Muktza! 
I had a wonderful flight home, learned thru almost the full flight, I realized that this a opportunity for growth. I should have made a geder that ALL TVS ARE MUKTZA!!! I would've had a different experience in FL. 
So i made a Kabala then and there to not watch any Goyishe movies anywhere, TVs are Muktza B'Tachlis! Machmas Issur/Gufoi/Mius/Chisuoroin Kiss..............

So dust yourself off and learn from this, dont let it go any further. 

Love you

Day 143 ב"ה